MIZ & MRS. TV REPORT 8/28 : Sarah K’s report on season finale including hemorrhoid donut cushions, Maryse steps in poo, white couches, and caviar

“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 6 (SEASON FINALE)
AUGUST 28, 2018
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

Tonight is the summer finale. Do you feel kind of misty-eyed? Yeah, this was so much better than Total Bellas given that all the people on this show have more emotional range than a bag of tube socks. Anyway, the new home is christened “Castle MarMiz.” They show the house – it’s nice and fancy, and apparently still being renovated. Miz gets his Texas driver’s license. Anyway, as with any move, there are things that are not showing up on time, and since people were hired to move those things – there are problems. Since there is dust and there are so many people in the house, Maryse wants some respiratory masks for herself and the two week old baby. Miz and Marjo will trek to a pharmacy to get them. Marjo tries out a motorized chair. The experience is a bit like a cross between a terrorist and a child as she rams into a variety of things, including hemorrhoid donut cushions.

Miz then asks all the random people helping them move put on gloves and face masks. They call the moving company again and get put on hold, complete with hold music. Yeah, most of us have suffered that indignity. Anyhoo, the lady they’re talking to explains that when they signed the contract to have their items moved – the date they selected wasn’t actually guaranteed, that it was merely a preference and that their items would likely be delivered – not on that day – but in a week. Maryse picks up the phone – and like a real person – goes a tad apeshit over what is essentially someone in customer service telling her that she didn’t read the fine print.

For whatever reason they have a white couch. I dunno. White furniture is roundly impractical. Anyway, the dog wants to sit on the white couch; they don’t want the dog on the couch. It’s a moment. Then Miz and Maryse panic over the whereabouts of the other dog. Miz realizes that the gate is open and they run outside in a panic. Meanwhile, the other dog is chilling somewhere in a room with Marjo (at her guest house), who is wearing cowboy boots and playing some french music with accordion. Maryse steps in dog sh–, and eventually finds the dog with her mom. Marjo realizes that something smells like poo… it’s Maryse’s shoes. “So much for keeping the germs out,” says Miz. Commercial.

The baby is left with Marjo, and Miz and Maryse go out to eat. They discuss scheduling. Miz then points out the situational irony of the fact that they’re complaining about the move from California to Texas not going completely on schedule as they’re sitting there eating caviar. He then eats caviar like a total ham while making fun of rich people. Evidently they live in proximity to a “dude ranch.” So, Miz has everyone dress up in country-western attire with cowboy hats, jeans, and cowboy boots. Evidently they’re going to ride some horses. They bring out a pony for Marjo. If Marjo wants the adult-sized horse, apparently she has to “rope” for it, by which they mean lasso something. Marjo lassos one of the ranch hands. Marjo then takes a ride on the big horse. Miz and Maryse kiss while being backlit by the sun. And then there is line dancing. As they drive off in the Jeep, Miz points out that he has to leave for Saudi Arabia for a week, so, Maryse will be left alone with the baby.

A voice-over announces that there will be more episodes some time in the near future.

So, while Mike is in Saudi Arabia, the movers finally arrive with the rest of their possessions. Footage of Miz having a match is intermingled with footage of Maryse supervising the movers. Eventually, Miz returns. He compliments Maryse on the house being mostly arranged. Insert random scenes of Austin. Miz then makes a gushy soliloquy about being thankful for everything that he has. He’s holding the baby as he’s saying this, and, well, she poops. “We are the it couple, this is the it baby, and now we are the it family, we are awesome,” says Miz to close out the show.

NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S REPORT: MIZ & MRS. TV REPORT 8/21: Sarah K’s report on Miz freezing poop, fart dogs, missing his baby, pet hair lint brush, and a Lincoln Continental