MIZ & MRS. TV REPORT 8/21: Sarah K’s report on Miz freezing poop, fart dogs, missing his baby, pet hair lint brush, and a Lincoln Continental

“MIZ & MRS.” – EPISODE 5
AUGUST 21, 2018
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

The show opens with footage of Miz filming himself at WrestleMania Access. George is there and leads the crowd in a “Miz! Miz! Miz!” chant. Meanwhile, Miz misses his newborn baby. While Miz is at WrestleMania, Maryse and Marjo at home while the movers and organizers are packing up their things. In the mean time the Miz and his parents are in a hotel room discussing the move. Miz has a fondness for the old days when he and his parents traveled around in a Lincoln Continental. LOL, I remember those cars – my very eclectic garage-sale going aunt had a used Continental, that car was the size of a boat.

Anyway, Miz has given in to Maryse’s desire to travel during the move in a tour bus. He has the route mapped out and the days planned. George offers to just drive the newborn baby by himself in an SUV, this idea is immediately shot down by both Miz and his mom. Miz calls Maryse and tells her his dad’s idea anyway; her response is “(bleep) no.” Now, I’m not encouraging whomever films Total Bellas to just plagiarize this whole scenario, but it is nice to watch a show where people have normal conversations and there are actual jokes with payoffs. I’m just saying.

Now, back to WrestleMania. Miz and Maryse facetime. Miz shows her his outfit. Right before his match, Miz has to explain how to turn the sound on on their television so that she can watch his match. Footage of the match between Miz, Seth Rollins, and Finn Balor is shown. Maryse is watching it while holding the baby. She pouts as Seth Rollins wins. In a cutaway shot, Miz suggests that he would’ve won the match had he not spent his pre-match time explaining to Maryse how to use the television they’ve had for seven years.  After WrestleMania, Miz comes home to his almost empty house. Yes, Maryse and Marjo have packed everything. Their current dilemma is that the bus that they rented can’t make it to their house and they need to travel half a mile up the street to get to the bus.

Back from commercial, Miz has to break this news to Maryse. So, the couple and Marjo depart Chateau MarMiz with two dogs on leashes, two pet carriers, and Maryse piloting a stroller. According to schedule, they will spend the next 22 hours on a tour bus. They have forgotten the diaper genie. Evidently Miz thinks that putting a dirty diaper in the freezer will make it not stink. They make a pit stop and Miz has the driver move the bus move to mess with Marjo. Maryse predicts that this is not going to go over well.

Marjo calls Miz an asshole when he finally opens the bus door and let’s her on. Later on when everyone is trying to sleep, the cat is mewling. Twenty-three hours in, Miz is using tape wrapped around his fist as a lint brush, because he’s wearing black and has pet hair all over him. Miz is irritated and Marjo has eaten his pancake. One of the dogs has been farting onerously, so Miz takes the dogs out for a walk at a pit stop.  Marjo apparently gets out to go to the bathroom. They’re going to have to turn around to go back to get her. This was not part of the schedule. Commercial.

Miz has to apologize to Marjo for leaving her behind. Marjo is pissed. Miz and Maryse manage to smooth things over. They’re almost on time, and then the bus breaks down in Junction, Tex. So, they have to get another ride. The show ends with the trio crammed in an SUV with the baby, two dogs, and two cats. So much for that luxury tour bus.

NOW CHECK OUT LAST WEEK’S REPORT: MIZ & MRS. TV REPORT 8/14: Sarah K’s report on Maryse giving birth and whether Miz can scheme to get it filmed, Miz seeks praise from his father