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The following report was originally published 15 years ago this week…
WWE Smackdown review
May 8, 2003
Taped Tuesday in Halifax, N.S.
Pre-Intro: Recap of the EPIC Mr. America story from last week, focusing on Mrs. “Greatest Pro Wrestler In The World.”
1st Quarter Hour
Vince came out to open the show and promised to present Halifax with Hulk Hogan. Vince’s speech featured the usual heat-seeking comments and not-so-subtle recap of everything in Vince’s life that occurred up to this moment, because we as WWE viewers must have the memory retention ability of a wall and we need everything spelled out for us along the way. This finally led to Stephanie walking out, who is looking better then in recent weeks, in black leather pants and a black top. Good thing too, her arms were looking as big as Hunter’s as of late. Vince wants to know why Steph signed “Mr. America,” and Steph explained it was for the fans and that it was something she had to due once she heard about Mr. America’s vast wrestling experience, the last one kicking the realism meter on this angle in the crotch one more time.
Steph walked off after saying that she would fire Mr. America if it turned out to be Hogan. She walked off and Hogan appeared via satellite on the Titan-tron to face off with Vince. Hogan said he is getting tired of being at home and wants to come back to the ring, maybe even wrestle with Mr. America. Hogan turned the 80’s cheese factor up about ten notches for this one. Hogan said Mr. America might even show up tonight.
2nd Quarter Hour
Somebody ran Vince down backstage and told him that Mr. America was in the building. Vince threw a kick at the guy and accused him of playing a practical joke.
(1) Eddie Guerrero pinned Matt Hardy. (Clean) The two traded counters until Eddie used the top rope to summer-sault into an arm drag. Matt quickly recovered and hit Eddie with some blows in the corner. Eddie fought back but Moore distracted him on the apron and allowed Matt to hit the side-effect for a two count. Half surf board by Matt, but Eddie pushed him off and came back with a sleeper. Eddie had him completely wrapped up with a body scissors applied, but Matt reversed it into a side slam. Hardy followed that up with a suplex for a two count. Matt slowly went to the top, and this allowed Eddie to catch him with a top rope huracanrana. Eddie followed that up with a series of rolling suplexes as Chavo cheered him on. Eddie went up top for the Frog Splash, but Hardy managed to roll out of the way. Hardy tried to roll him up for a quick pin after the miss, but Eddie kicked out at two. Hardy went for the Twist of Fate, but couldn’t managed to hit it. He did hit his middle rope leg drop on the back of Eddie’s head as he was trying to get up. That got Hardy a two count. Uranage by Hardy was countered with a roll by Guerrero, and that allowed him to pin Hardy for the win. After the match, Team Angle ran down and jumped Chavo and took Angle’s gold medals back as Hardy attacked Eddie. Solid match that could have used a few more minutes of time.
3rd Quarter Hour
(2) Brian “Spanky” Kendrick pinned Jamie Noble (w/Nidia). (Clean) Kendrick is now being introduced as Brian “Spanky” Kendrick. He gave a short recap and got the crowd into a “Cena sucks” chant. Some nice countered started the match off. Noble got the advantage when Kendrick went for his inverted Diamond Dust and he tossed him over the top rope to the floor. Nidia worked him over before letting Noble take him back inside, where Noble took him apart with a series of blows and a nice back suplex. Kendrick fought out of a modified front face lock by Noble, but got dropped on his face when he tried going off the ropes. Noble then applied a half-crab, but got kicked off and rolled into a small package by Spanky for a two count. Short arm clothesline by Noble, who followed that up with a chop in the corner. Kendrick responded by short-arming him into a boot. Noble tried a German suplex, but Spanky landed on his feet and caught him with a shining wizard for a two count. Noble tried a superplex, but got pushed off. Spanky missed a top rope moonsault, but recovered to hit his inverted Diamond Dust for the three count. Cena watched on in disgust in the back when Mr. America walked up to check out the action on the screen. The look on Cena’s face was priceless. Really good match.
Yet another recap off Big Show vs. Rey Misterio from Backlash. This time, they showed the whole ending of the match, including Rey’s 619, the pinfall by Show and the human ball bat swing with the back board. They could have at least edited the “bullshit” chant when they brought the EMTs out.
4th Quarter Hour
Josh Matthews interviewed Brock Lesnar as he made his way to his dressing room. Lesnar said he wanted to make his match against Show at the PPV a stretcher match. A short and effective interview for Lesnar, who is looking more comfortable in his speaking role over the last few weeks.
Funaki told Vince that Mr. America was on his way to the ring. Vince told Funaki it was an imposter and then told him to poor him some coffee.
5th Quarter Hour
After the break, Mr. America came strolling out as Vince watched from Stephanie’s office and drank his coffee. The Canadian fans gave Hogan a very long ovation. Once Hogan started talking, Vince bolted the office with Stephanie right behind him. Hogan stated again that he was not Hulk Hogan, which caused the crowd to start a “Hogan” chant. Vince came down and started walking circles around the ring. Vince said he promised that Hogan would have the mask ripped right off his face. He started up the steps to do it, but then called Stephanie down to do it instead. Vince instead used Steph as a distraction so he could crotch Hogan and throw his coat at him so he could tear the mask off his face. The two got into a tug-o-war over the mask. I wonder where this would score on the Sports Guys unintentional comedy scale? Hogan knocked Vince into Stephanie, who was out cold. Vince attended to her, but turned around and got the big boot and the leg drop. Hogan then picked Stephanie up and carried her to the back.
Back from the break, Stephanie is in her office and has a bag of ice. Vince barged in looking for Hogan, then spotted Stephanie and decided to check on her. He blamed Hogan for her injury, but Steph said that Vince was the one that hit her and not Hogan. Vince got mad and walked out. Ten segments of Hogan/Vince/Steph sure is as hell better then all those three and four star matches every week….
(3) Torrie Wilson pinned Dawn Marie. (Clean) A mini-catfight broke out to start the match as Sable watched from ringside. Dawn tried to put Torrie in a fireman’s carry, but she reversed it into a sunset flip for the three count. Torrie cruised back up the mat while trying to keep her boobs in her top. Sable then went into the ring and cut a promo on Torrie, saying she looked bloated during their bikini contest a couple weeks ago. Sable then challenged her to a bikini contest. Torrie then peeled her top off to reveal a pink bra. Yummy
6th Quarter Hour
Promo featuring Kurt Angle in old school NFL Films type fashion. Kurt, hurry back for the love of God.
(4) Team Angle defeated Tajiri & Rikishi.(Usual heel tag team tactics by Haas and Benjamin.) Team Angle was kept off balance early on. Benjamin missed with his big kick, but Tajiri sure didn’t. A knee into the back by Haas on the apron allowed Benjamin to nail a belly-to-belly. Haas came in to hit his own belly-to-belly for a two count. Crucifix power bomb attempt by Haas, but Tajiri slipped out and hit him with a side kick. Hot tags by both guys, and Rikishi came in and showcased most of his move set against the two heels, finishing with a double splash in the corner and a standing spine buster. Rikishi went for the stink face, but Benjamin gave him a low blow. Haas and Tajiri tagged in, and Tajiri hit him quickly with a handspring elbow. Tajiri used another handspring to knock Benjamin off the apron. Tarantula on Haas by Tajiri as Rikishi writhed in pain in the corner. The ref checked on Rikishi, which allowed Team Angle to hit a combo superkick/roll up for the pinfall. Decent little tag match. Afterwards, the Guerreros ran to ringside and stole the Angle picture and Angle’s gold medals.
Commercial: According to internal documentation, some tobacco company thought of using ice cream trucks to market cigarettes. According to my internal documentation, I still don’t give a shit.
7th Quarter Hour
(5) Rhyno pinned John Cena. (Cena was distracted by Kendrick when Cena tried to grab his chain on the apron.) Kendrick came down to help announce for this one. Cena rapped a promo about tearing off Rhyno’s crotch and making him go to a gynecologist, which completely describes what watching this show has been like. Cena managed to get a two count after suplexing Rhyno. Rhyno took it to Cena at first, but Cena used some of the usual heel tactics to get the momentum back. Rhyno came back with a clothesline for a two count. An odd neck breaker/Diamond Cutter type move by Cena set up an attempt for the F.U., but Rhyno countered with a spinebuster. Cena tried grabbing his chain off of the apron, but Kendrick ran over and grabbed it before he could. This allowed Rhyno to roll Cena up for the three count. Cena chased Kendrick, who ran out into the crowd, and was caught by Rhyno. Rhyno tried to gore Cena at ringside, but Cena moved and Rhyno slammed his knee into the ring steps. Very blah T.V. match.
The FBI is backstage.
After the break, Nunzio ran into Lesnar backstage and told him he was disrespecting his buddies Big Show and Albert. Lesnar ended up chasing Nunzio and the FBI tricked him into going into an empty room. They blocked the door with a fork lift. Show and Albert walked out. Show is now carrying a stretcher around that has the names of Misterio, Benoit and Lesnar on it. Mysterio’s name is crossed out at the top.
8th Quarter Hour
Commercial: Confidential looks at Miss Elizabeth. Or, WWE tries to start its P.R. ass-covering early. Take a pick.
(6) Big Show pinned Chris Benoit. (Distractions by A-Train on the outside, as well as some interference) Show took Benoit off his feet quickly and tossed him into the corner. Benoit fired back with a chop and a drop kick to the knee, but Big Show countered with a side slam. The fans chanted “Benoit.” Cole said the last stretcher match in the WWE was seventeen years ago between Andre the Giant and Killer Khan. Show stood on Benoit’s mid-section by the ropes before pushing him off onto the floor for an awaiting A-Train. Back in, Show used a very delayed vertical suplex on the Crippler before slowing his offense down even more and giving him a head butt. Benoit tried coming back as the crowd chanted his name, but Show caught him off the ropes with a bear hug. Benoit used his technical bravado to break the hold by applying a Greco Roman face bite to get Show to let go. Benoit went up top and hit a diving shoulder tackle for a two count. Show barely managed to get his shoulder up. Show pushed him off into the ropes and grabbed him by the throat, but Benoit countered to the CCF. Train tried to sneak in with the stretcher, but Benoit broke the CCF and drop kicked it back into him. Show managed to hold the CCF this time, and gave Benoit a choke slam to get the pinfall. Train and Show started double teaming Benoit as Show set him up for an A-Train mafia kick. They strapped Benoit to a stretcher and were going for the baseball swing when Lesnar finally ran out. He took Show off his feet and nailed Albert with an F 5. Show quickly clothesline Lesnar and gave him an F 5. Show moaned and groaned as Smackdown went off the air.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Smackdown needs an enema. The writing has gotten horrid, the retro-’80s crap has got to go and the match quality (while still miles above Raw) is slipping each week. The match finishes are less decisive by the episode and the cruiserweight division is long gone… Vince’s promo to open the show was typical Vince. Too bad typical-Vince stopped being good about three years ago. The baited heat and the pompous-ass routine has got to go, in fact Vince should really bail on being on TV period at this point…. Hardy and Guerrero had a very solid match, even though it wasn’t quite as spectacular as one might expect. Still, solid work by two very good workers… Kendrick and Noble had a very good match as well, with Kendrick definitely feeling out a Kidman circa-98 feel right now, playing the face-in-peril role well. Kendrick’s selling and psychology has improved a bit since the very few times I saw him live on the indys. It helps when you’re working with guys like Noble, Cena and the like… The Vince/Hogan tug of war over Hogan’s mask is one for the highlight reels, right next to the Yeti, the Shockmaster and the Gobbledygooker… Well, at least Dawn and Torrie are nice took at…. Rhyno and Cena was a definite disappointment. If they are that determined to not have either guy lose heat, why put them in the match to begin with?… Benoit carried Big Show to a decent main event. The Halifax crowd was behind him solidly, as well….
NOW CHECK OUT THE PREVIOUS 2003 FLASHBACK: 15 YRS AGO – WWE in Oshawa, Ont.: Scott Steiner vs. Test headlines, plus Dudleys, Storm, Christian, RVD, Kane, Trish, Dreamer
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