SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It’s time for our semi-monthly ROH pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Joe Koff, Greg Gilleland or The Man With The Lizard Face. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall’s porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of baked goods from Sara Lee. Sara Lee bagels and muffins are a perfect and healthy way to start your mornings. And remember, four Whammys will bring tears to your eyes, and put you out of the game. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over ROH, unless a better one-liner comes along.
Before we look at tonight’s show, let’s roll right into this month’s Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on December 13th, 1997, World Championship Wrestling aired WCW Worldwide, pretaped in Orlando, Florida. That show featured Glacier against Mortis in a huge grudge match. Pretty cool, huh? Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan had the call.
And, as your free gift for viewing this column, let’s take you back to December 30th, 2007 for Ring of Honor’s “Final Battle 2007” event from New York City. Buried somewhere in this old episode of the ROH Video Wire is a matchup between Rocky Romero and “Dirty” Ernie Osiris. Enjoy.
More recently, here’s what the Women of Honor have been up to. On November 12th, at the “ROH Sunshine State Excellence” event in Lakeland, Florida, it was Mandy Leon against Stella Grey. Ian Riccaboni & Brandi Rhodes have the call.
On with the projections!
Cheeseburger & ??? vs. Rhett Titus & Will Ferrara: Best guess from the peanut galley is that Colt Cabana drops in to help Cheeseburger to victory. I’m going off the board and picking Delirious who puts away Will with the Cobra Stretch.
Jonathan Gresham vs. Josh Woods: Taking Gresham here, as Atlanta’s favorite son finishes off The Goods with the dreaded octopus hold.
Will Ospreay vs. Matt Taven:Two former ROH television champions square off, believe it or not. Ospreay always looks good in New Japan, so I’ll expect him to look good here while he puts Matt over. Projection? Taven wins with the Climax.
Jay Lethal vs. Marty Scurll: It’s one of those dream matches you never knew you wanted to see, as Mister Back Brace gets to face one of the hot acts in Ring of Honor. Projection? Lethal falls victim to a Bird of Prey. Score another one for The Villain.
The Hung Bucks (Adam Page, Matt Jackson & Nick Jackson) vs. Flip Gordon, Dragon Lee, Titan (ROH Six Man Tag Team Titles): Why are the Bucks on so early in the show? I assume they’re doing a double shot, and they have to skip early to headline for an indy group somewhere in New Jersey. Projection? The Bullet Club wins after hitting the More Hung For Your Bucks on Gordon.
War Machine vs. The Addiction: This is one of those perfect storm matches. The big bruising babyfaces get to throw around the smarmy, skinnier bump takers. It’s classic pro wrestling. Projection? Mr. Kazarian is in the wrong place at the wrong time, and gets caught in the Fallout. A big winfor Rowe & Hanson.
Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley) vs. Best Friends (Trent Baretta & Chuckie Taylor) – ROH World Tag Team Titles: The Machine Guns are a legendary duo. Baretta & Mr. T have many accomplishments under their belts, but have never won the ROH tag straps. Time to change that. Projection? The Gobstopper & the Sexy Chuckie Knee spell the end for Sabin. New champions!
Bully Ray Dudley & Tommy Dreamer vs. Jay Briscoe & Mark Briscoe (Noo Yawk Street Fight): This will probably be Bully Ray’s last professional wrestling match. Unless he gets a lot of money to return to the ring. Or, unless he feels like wrestling again.. Projection? Nobody beats Dem Boys in a New York City Street Fight. Lots of weapons, lots of healthy American violence, and Tommy Dreamer eats a Jay Driller to take the pinfall loss. I’d pop for Raven coming out of the crowd to screw Dreamer out of the match, but that’s me.
Kenny King vs. Punishment Martinez vs. Shane Taylor vs. Silas Young (ROH Television Title): A four-way title match is usually a sign that a company wants to change champions without the current title holder actually losing the fall. That sounds about right here. Projection Shane Taylor knocks out Kenny King. Punishment Martinez hits Taylor with the championship title, and Silas steals the pin. The Last Real Man takes the ROH television title.
Cody Runnels vs. Dalton Castle (ROH World Title): Cody’s on his way to the Tokyo Dome for Wrestle Kingdom to fight Kota Ibushi. But Ring of Honor has spent six months setting up The Charismatic Milkshake for this moment. Projection? The Party Peacock becomes the new Ring of Honor champion as we end 2017. Well, damn.
Aftermath: Ring of Honor has its TV taping tomorrow in Philly. From there, we will somehow get to ROH’s 16th Anniversary Show in Vegas, with Dalton Castle’s rematch with Cody, please more craziness. Be there!
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Pat McNeill of Greenville, South Carolina has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He’d take Detroit to beat Chicago in tomorrow’s big pro football matchup. You know, if gambling were legal.
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