MCNEILL – A Modest Proposal for tonight’s episode of Raw

Over the weekend, you may have heard about Daniel Bryan requesting to be released from his WWE contract. WWE, of course, refused to do it.

There is a clause in all WWE talent contracts which states WWE has the option of extending a person’s contract one extra day for every day that person is not physically able to perform. In return for this deal, WWE, of course, has to keep paying the wrestler. WWE used this clause in recent years to keep Rey Mysterio under contract while he was injured. What this means is, as long as WWE won’t medically clear Bryan to wrestle, the company can keep Bryan under contract as long as they continue paying him.

You might think this is bad publicity for WWE. It also comes at an inconvenient moment. Most Americans saw the Super Bowl this weekend, particularly the pre-game ceremony honoring every surviving recipient of the Super Bowl Most Valuable Player, where legends came out to take a bow at Levi’s Stadium in Northern California. (You might recall that’s where the most-recent WrestleMania took place.)

It was obvious that football had taken a physical toll on the players, and that many of them were suffering from some form of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) after they retired. (Peyton Manning has not retired, but you could argue he played like a man suffering from CTE.)

WWE is between a rock and a hard place. They can keep Bryan on the shelf, which will upset Bryan and his fans. There is also the risk Bryan will eventually challenge WWE in court, and that a judge would rule that Bryan is allowed to quit his job. Or, WWE could let Bryan wrestle and risk the wrath of its general liability insurance carrier.

It is rumored that Daniel Bryan will appear on WWE Raw tonight. This gives the company the opportunity to work out its internal issues as part of a sports entertainment storyline. That’s right up Vince McMahon’s alley. In order to save the WWE creative team a long afternoon of angst, I have written an outline of tonight’s program:

– Raw begins as usual, with evil authority figures Triple H and Stephanie McMahon coming out for an extended in-ring promo. After the preliminaries, Stephanie McMahon announces that she is welcoming someone back to WWE television. The music plays and a clean-shaven Daniel Bryan heads to the ring. Bryan, heads out, looking miserable. He makes it to ringside, grabs Lillian Garcia’s microphone and announces “I’ve changed my mind. I’m not going to be part of this.” Bryan then walks to the back. The announcers speculate as to what Bryan could be taking about.

About 30 minutes later, we go backstage, where interviewer Renee Young has caught up with Daniel Bryan.

RENEE: Daniel Bryan, it’s great to have you back in the WWE Universe, but you aren’t acting like yourself. What’s going on?

BRYAN: Renee, I’m not going to lie to you. My doctor has cleared me to return to the ring for World Wrestling Entertainment…

(Loud cheers in the background.)

BRYAN: …However, the WWE doctors will NOT clear me to return, because they think I’m putting my long-term health at risk.

(Booing in the background. Bryan pulls out a thick, creased, and folded document from his fanny pack.)

BRYAN: Triple H and Stephanie asked me here to Raw tonight. They told me they would clear me to wrestle if I agreed to be special guest referee for the main event of Fastlane, and if I cheated Roman Reigns out of the match and joined The Authority.

RENEE: Wow.

BRYAN: According to my WWE contract, (Daniel points to a section of the paper), The Authority can keep me from wrestling for the rest of my life. But I will not join The Authority under any circumstances, Renee.

RENEE: Thank you, Daniel.

We go through the next hour of Raw. Micheal Cole and Byron Saxton are outraged that The Authority could keep Bryan Danielson out of action for the rest of his life. JBL explains, at length, that the contract is standard boilerplate for anyone involved in the industries of forced labor or, you know, sports entertainment.

We then go backstage to The Authority’s office, where Stephanie McMahon tells her husband that she has an idea on how to get Daniel Bryan over to their side.

In the final segment of Raw, the McMahon-Helmsleys come back to the ring. Triple H repeats his offer to Daniel Bryan. Stephanie adds that if Bryan refuses to join The Authority, not only will they keep Bryan under contract without clearing him to return to the ring, but they will also fire Daniel’s wife, Brie, on the spot. Brie runs out to the join Daniel, telling her husband that he doesn’t need to protect her, and that they can go home right now. But Bryan capitulates, shaking Hunter’s hand and joining The Authority to end Raw.

Then, at Fastlane, Bryan refuses to count pinfalls for Roman Reigns about a dozen times. Finally, Lesnar hits Ambrose with the F5, Reigns coldcocks Lesnar with a Superman Punch, and Bryan counts the fall. Roman Reigns is going to WrestleMania.

Triple H and The League of Nations start to work over Bryan when Reigns and Ambrose makes the save. The former Shield members hold Triple H still so Bryan can give Hunter a bunch of rapid-fire roundkicks. And the crowd goes home happy.

That’s the last time we see Daniel Bryan on WWE television. The company announces his release on the Friday after WrestleMania.

This storyline solves some liability and image issues for WWE. But most importantly, it puts smiles on people’s faces. Isn’t that what this business is all about?