MITCHELL'S TAKE MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 11/16: Stream of Piper In The Back, Hornswoggle Stabbed in the Back, An MSG Look Back, Mr. McMahon Backs Out, Kofi Kingston Backs Randy Orton Up
Nov 16, 2009 - 11:24:43 PM
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MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 11/16: Stream of Piper In The Back, Hornswoggle Stabbed in the Back, An MSG Look Back, Mr. McMahon Backs Out, Kofi Kingston Backs Randy Orton Up
We start with Roddy Piper and his bad dye-job sitting in Piper's Pit with Luis Guzman. You remember Luis Guzman from Boogie Nights and Oz, right? Great character actor...
Anyways, here comes the Iron Sheik to yell about Hulk Hogan (I think) and remind everyone how long ago it really was that he main-evented here in Madison Square Garden with the Hulkster.
Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler plug the main event: DX vs. JeriShow vs. John Cena & The Undertaker.
Cleveland's own The Miz reminds these New York Yankees they buy their championships, but there's one man they'll never buy. (Wanna bet?) MSG has the big heat tonight. Sherri Shepherd from The View is here to cheer on her fake boyfriend MVP in his challenge for Miz's U.S. Title belt. Good opener, Miz wins with a Skullcrusher. Poor Sherri...
Chavo Guerrero faces Santino Marella (in a New York Rangers uniform, then a Knicks uniform, then a Jets one, then a Mets, then a Phillies, then, of course the Yankees – so it's like that). This may be the most-heated WWE show in years. Chavo keeps climbing to each top turnbuckle for a frog splash, and the prone Morella keeps rolling out of the way. That makes sense. Hornswoggle runs in, and Marella rolls up Chavo for the win.
Chavo calls home. Uncle Hector: That's nothing, they made me dress up like a space alien.
DX comes out. The glowsticks in the crowd make for quite the merchandising spectacle. DX plugs their crap. Triple H says it doesn't matter who wins the WWE Title Sunday as long as one of them does. Shawn Michaels and he quickly blow off this issue in favor of something more important: Hornswoggle wearing DX crap.
The two are willing to consider letting the little person become a member of DX. HS comes down and jumps around like a little kid. Triple H asks him, and all of New York, "Are you ready?"
Triple H is just about to finish the ritual when he stops and Pedigrees the little guy. Some fans boo. DX stretchers out HS. Is DX turning heel? Are they getting their edge back?
Or is it Hornswoggle's DX initiation? (That's my guess.)
They show one hell of a highlight video. (Except, where the hell's Bruno Sammartino? No one, and I mean no one, would even be on this highlight tape if not for Bruno.) It's shown to a new Jay-Z song kissing up to MSG, reminding UFC of all that history.
Chris Jericho does his normal complaining to Piper, who brings out Chris Masters to bounce his gyno.
Jonah Friedlander from 30 Rock, The Greatest Athlete In The World, is the guest ring announcer for the Divas championship. Melina defends against Alicia Fox. Friedlander makes it a Lumberjill match. Why not? Melina wins and...cat fight! "Team Mickie James stands tall!" Survivor Series, remember?
Roddy Piper comes out to the ring. In Madison Square Garden. "Very cool, indeed." Piper remembers Bruno and Captain Lou. "If you mess with me you end up either bald or dead. I love 'em all, mostly the dead ones."
I've got one more thing to do before I check out. I want to have a match with Vincent Kennedy McMahon!
Mr. McMahon comes out. "Nice dye job on the hair there, Hot Rod. The most heinous thing you've ever done in this ring is show up tonight."
McMahon cuts a really mean promo on Piper, his spindly little legs, his catcher's mitt face. McMahon says he looks better than The Rock and Stone Cold and his son-in-law, and he beat them all. He's retired from the ring.
I beat cancer, I can beat you, buddy. I want to fight you tonight. (Ah, the game is revealed. It's the old bait and switch, after last week's rating. ) Piper leaves McMahon in the ring. That was fun.
Sheamus comes out. He needs some bag-pipes. He reminds everyone that in four weeks on Raw he's already put one man (Jamie Noble) out of the business. Then he beats up the timekeeper. Jerry Lawler goes to check on him and Sheamus kicks him in the head. This gets good heat from everyone who doesn't want to listen to Micheal Cole alone.
Undertaker faces Batista for the World Title in the Greensboro Coliseum the day after Christmas.
Matt Striker takes the King's place. He lives in New York City so he was here anyway.
Evan Bourne faces Jack Swagger again. Why? Didn't Swagger beat him clean in the middle last time? Whoops, sorry. Swagger does it again, "giving Team Miz all the momentum."
Striker wants to know whether "Vince" will accept Roddy Piper's challenge for a street fight. Uh, no.
Piper's ready in the ring. Randy Orton comes out. (I thought he hated McMahon. He tried to kill him and all.) Cole and Striker forget about Piper and Randy's father, "The Ace" Cowboy Bob Orton. Orton doesn't care about McMahon; he just wants to relieve some stress after all that losing by crushing Piper.
And he does. By the way, if you're wondering how WWE would use Ric Flair if he came back, this is how. Kofi Kingston makes the save. Orton and he brawl into the crowd. Striker did remember the Ace, by the way. Orton finally starts to get the better of it. He throws Kingston in the ring and prepares to kick his head in. Kofi leaps up at the last second and the brawl continues.
This is good stuff to cement Kingston as a guy who can run with Randy Orton. Hey, where's Legacy? They don't even rate a mention here.
This is turning into a career-maker for Kingston, particularly after the referees stop him from leaping onto Orton and putting him through a table, only for Kingston to break away and do it anyway. He ought to beat Orton at Survivor Series now. Great stuff, with top-level production and a ravenous crowd.
John Cena does one of his trademark antic not-quite-as-entertaining-as-it-ought-to-be promos about his triple threat match with DX at Survivor Series.
DX faces JeriShow, which faces John Cena & Undertaker. Poor guy wrestled eleven straight nights in Europe. He got the torch-bearing druids with him.
We get a little taste of Undertaker-Michaels for the first time since WrestleMania. A short, but high-energy main event ends when Cena pins Triple H with an Attitude Adjustment.
Undertaker then Tombstones Cena and gets the final dramatic shot. Hmm.
This was one hell of a Raw. WWE awakened the echoes with a pro wrestling show that could stand among the most-heated the Garden had ever seen.
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