WWE "Total Divas" Recap
December 15, 2013
Episode #14 “Ready to Ride”
Aired on E!
Report by Michael Cupach, PWTorch contributor (and Total Divas specialist)

-Writer's note: I hope you enjoyed the end of the TLC PPV as much as I enjoy the season finale of Total Divas!

-Cold open with The Bellas discussing their periods and Nikki talks missing hers and she bought a home pregnancy test. Nikki asks Brie to help her take one, and Brie is willing to help as long as she doesn’t have to hold the stick. Both of these geniuses couldn’t figure out how to use one, as they thought you dipped it in toilet water! I’m not saying I’m well-versed in how to use a home pregnancy test, but I can read directions! While waiting for the results, Brie comments that if Nikki can’t have wine for nine months she will be a raging yotch!

-Total Divas opening.

-T.J. (Tyson Kidd) is trying to wake Natalya up for work in their hotel in Vegas. Natalya is hung over and wakes up to see that Stephanie McMahon has sent her a text saying she got all her voicemails last night and will talk to her at Raw. Natalya calls Brie to see what happened and Brie said that Natalya went full-on Brie mode on Bourbon Street! Natalya doesn’t know where all the beads, feathers, and masks came from in her hotel room!

-At Raw, Nattie runs into Mark in Talent Relations and he jokes that drunk-calling the McMahons in the middle of the night is not the best career move! Natalya says she is going to avoid Steph like the plague tonight!

-Natalya has a match tonight, she teams with her Total Divas co-horts and it makes for a nice distraction from her adventures on Bourbon Street!

-From James Caldwell’s 10/7/13 Raw Report:

A -- NATALYA & EVA MARIE & JOJO vs. ALICIA FOX & ROSA MENDES & AKSANA

As the match started, Lawler called this a bunch of "strange alliances," prompting Cole to try to explain the "Total Divas" tie-ins, etc. The match unfolded with Eva taking punishment for the default face trio. Natalya then tagged in and submitted Fox with the Sharpshooter to "show the newbies how it's done."

WINNERS: Team Natalya via submission at 3:18.

-Eva Marie is with her finacee, Jonathan, and is driving to her parents's house in Concord, California to have him meet them. Eva gives him tips on how to get along with her family and get her father's blessing. Jonathan doesn’t want to break the news of the pending nuptials today, but she points out that she is wearing a ring, which they will call a promise ring.

-Eva and Jonathan arrive at the house and she introduces him as “mi boo.”

-Down in Tampa at John Cena’s place, John flew in all of Nikki’s friends to give her a house warming party. These are her college friends and former Hooters co-workers and Nikki is showing off how this house is worth more than any of these girls will ever make or marry into. The girls go swimming and they start talking about filling the pool with kids, but Nikki says that it will never have kids because John doesn’t want kids. Nikki seems to have accepted not having kids, but her friends call “bravo sierra” on that one.

-At Eva’s parents’s house, she introduces Jonathan to her father and her father is smashed! Two seconds into meeting him, her dad asks him a thousand questions. Basically her dad hates everything about him, all the way down to the nose ring he wears. Just when things can’t get worse, Jonathan reveals that he has Eva’s name tattooed on his arm in Arabic and that is the showstopper! Her brothers and dad *hate* him!

(Commercial)

-Brie and Bryan are at a romantic getaway in the mountains. They get to the house and the only thing they can talk about is how it will be the first time that they can watch each other ummm… number two. Lovely.

-John and Nikki take the Hooters Bunch out to a nice meal so he can get to know them better. The second they sit down, the discussion goes to John and Nikki having kids and John is as uncomfortable as can be. He sarcastically tells her that her friends are awesome. They grill him on why he doesn’t want kids and he says that he lives a selfish lifestyle, is on the road too much to raise a kid, and has seen what this business does to the kids and doesn’t want a kid like that. John tells the women that he told Nikki on their first date that kids are off the table. So, they ask about getting married and he says a wedding day isn’t on the table either. Nikki is sitting there pissed off at this line of questioning and wants to leave all this alone as soon as possible.

-Out in Concord, the Eva Marie family has breakfast on the terrace and her brothers ask where her and Jonathan slept last night and she blows off the question. Eva Marie then plows right into the conversation of Jonathan wanting her dad's blessing. She doesn’t let him ask, she does it, but Jonathan tries to salvage it and it goes over like a fart in church. Her brothers and dad bring up her last fiancée and how they accepted him and brought him in, but he is gone, and now she has a new guy not long after the last guy. She reveals that she already has a ring and one of her brothers says that Jonathan didn’t come here asking for her hand; he is coming demanding it because he already proposed! Mr. Eva Marie tells him “flat-out no!”

(Commercial)

-Eva’s dad is yelling that he won’t give the blessing because they already went ahead without him! Her brother says that she has a career to think about, Jonathan has a career to think about, and it shouldn’t happen. Jonathan apologizes for disrespecting the family. They ask if her mom knew. She shakes her head no and says that if they get married and then divorced that she is not allowed back in the house. Eva Marie and Jonathan get up and walk out together. Her brothers follow her out and yell that she needs to come back without her boyfriend to talk like a family.

Her mom hen comes out and tells Eva to not do anything drastic. Eva and Jonathan leave and she apologizes to him for putting him in that position. She feels that if that is how they react, she feels like she should leave them behind and that they should elope. She talks him into it because he isn’t sure, but they agree to meet in Orlando and just do it.

-Bryan and Brie go hiking and take some pictures, and they comment on how John and Nikki would appreciate it for five minutes then want to leave! Bryan is sweating like a pig and they keep hiking and hiking. Bryan notes how long it has been since they first kissed, he then gets down on one knee and proposes to Brie. She says yes, but not “Yes!” “Yes!” “Yes!” She keeps making him ask over and over because she is so excited, and they kiss and he puts a ring on that finger!

(Bryan recently told a story in an interview about how this proposal was a rib on the cameramen for Total Divas because they decided to hike all day and tire the cameramen out before proposing. He said he could have proposed way earlier in the hike, but decided to keep going and make them lug all the equipment around and have to earn catching it on film!)

-They hike back to the car and get some blankets and walk to the middle of a field where he has set up an elaborate dinner party with their friends and family to celebrate with them. He introduces Brie as his new fiancée! This is the first time that his family and her family meet and she tells the story of the proposal. They then go back a few weeks to Bryan telling Nikki about the proposal and asking her help in throwing this party. Nikki seems really proud that she knew before her sister did.

Nikki then started feeling bad that she will never be engaged to be married as long as she is with John, which also leads to her deciding that she wants kids. Nikki and her mom talk about these issues and her mom gives her the advice that this needs to be discussed with John. Nikki admits that she never broached or pushed the issue because she felt it would push him away and he would leave her. This all makes John sound like a real catch!

(Commercial)

-At Raw, Bryan and Brie show up and Bryan wishes her well in showing off her ring. They refer to each other as “fiancée.” Ariane asks Natalya if she has seen Stephanie, and Natalya says she hasn’t. Ariane tells her that she tried wrestling the phone away from her, but Nattie was adamant that she was friends with Steph and wanted to talk to her. Clips from the night on Bourbon Street are played like memories coming back to Nattie. She called Ariane a prostitute who dances like a stripper and tells The Bellas to go back to Hooters.

-Brie walks in and shows off her ring. Her happiness in sharing it with friends and family has rubbed off on Eva Marie, who doesn’t want to elope because she loves her family and wants to do things right.

-Nikki meets with the trainer about her foot injury and he officially clears her to wrestle! The exercises he has her do look like they were designed by a pervert in that everything she does makes her boobs and butt shake.

-Natalya talks with Fandango about drunk-dialing Stephanie. She thinks it will be all right and that Stephanie probably doesn’t remember what the calls were about.

-Brie is introduced into the main event storyline with Bryan and Orton, who beat up Bryan in front of Brie.

From James Caldwell’s 9/30/13 Raw Report:

The fight continued ringside, including Orton posting Bryan. Orton sent Bryan shoulder-first into the ringpost, then again. Orton waved off the cameraman, then draped Bryan across the guardrail. Sign Guy tried to encourage Bryan before Orton took Bryan back into the ring. He wanted a DDT, but Brie Bella jogged down to ringside. Brie begged with Orton not to do it, but Orton dropped Bryan face-first on the floor. Brie covered her mouth in horror before Orton walked away. Or not.

Orton returned to the scene, sending Brie scurrying away. Orton then examined the announce table before tearing it apart. Orton taunted Brie from a distance before placing Bryan on the announce table. Some smaller voices pleaded with Daniel to fight back before Orton lifted Bryan on the table. Orton delivered an RKO through the table as little voices freaked out near the audio. Orton then stood over Bryan as Brie shouted, "Stop!" from a safe distance. Refs came over to check on Bryan as Orton slowly walked away. Brie checked on Bryan and Raw signed off 10 minutes past the top of the hour with Orton stretching his ankle to ensure it was okay.

-Natalya finally meets with Stephanie and starts apologizing immediately. Steph plays the voice mails for her, they go a little something like this:

(1) Natalya wants to be the Divas champion because she is a Hart and deserves it.
(2) Why isn’t she champion yet.
(3) “I don’t understand why you aren’t calling me back.”
(4) “I’m not wearing underwear and I am ready to ride.”

(Commercial)
-At the voicemail summit, Stephanie keeps playing the voicemails.

(5) Why won’t you get back to me, I am frustrated, I should be champion, I don’t care anymore, I quit!

-Stephanie says that she has some pent-up resentment and issues. Sje tells her that she has her number for a reason and if she has these problems she should call her. Steph says she deserves to be champion, but needs to be patient. Natalya apologizes, then Stephanie brings it in for a hug, but tells her that she is holding onto those message to play for her dad!

-Nikki Bella is back in action with her sister for some tag action:

From James Caldwell’s 11/4/13 Raw Report:

B -- BELLA TWINS & EVA MARIE vs. Divas champion A.J. LEE & TAMINA SNUKA & AKSANA

Back on Raw, A.J. Lee was skipping around with the Divas Title belt. Six-Divas tag action then started for the default TV main event. The heels worked on Bella throughout the match, then Tamina tried to finish her off with a top-rope splash, but missed. Eva then tagged herself in, rolled up Tamina, and it was good for the win.

WINNERS: Team EvaBellas at 3:13.

-Nikki feels great to be back and feels that everyone needs more Nikki Bella in their lives!

-Eva Marie and Jonathan are driving down in Orlando. He asks about eloping and before she tells him the deal, Total Divas cuts to break!

(Commercial)

-Eva Marie tells Jonathan that she is working the next 40 days straight and she doesn’t want to get married and then say bye. She also feels that her dad needs to walk her down the aisle, so the eloping is off. Jonathan says that he will do whatever she wants to do, as long as it ends with them being married, but she says that they can’t get married right now.

-At The Cena Compound, John has kept Nikki waiting even though he knows she wanted to talk to him. She keeps things light about wanting to make him dinner, then things get tense when she talks about Bryan and Brie’s engagement and it made her feel that she wants to me a mom and a wife and wants to know if he will change his mind. John says he is choosing his words carefully – “I can’t give you any of that.” Whoa! How will Cena deliver a Super Cena comeback with this one?

(Commercial)

-Back at the Cena Compound, they replay John saying he can’t give her what she wants and he reiterates what he told her on their first date and she knew what she was getting into and if she still wants to be a mom then this is where things get difficult. Nikki feels that she is the one who has to sacrifice everything, and John says that is fair. He says he is flexible on so many things like his home and life, but not kids and marriage. Nikki says she doesn’t want to live to resent him, she doesn’t want to wake up and ask why he never married her or give her kids. John apologized if she feels he gave her false hope, but he wants to make things clear that it won’t happen. Nikki tells John that she needs to rethink things and that it was a mistake to move in with him. The season ends with her getting up and leaving the table, unsure of their future together.

Mike's Reax: Phew, what a roller coaster ride this half of Season 1 was! This episode deserved to be the finale in that so much ridiculousness took place and the cliffhanger will keep the viewers coming back for more. For those of you that want a John Cena heel turn, this might be the show for you! Cena was at the peak of his unlikeableness tonight. From not liking Nikki's friends and being cold towards them to crushing Nikki’s dreams of having kids and a ring on her finger, there is no way that any woman would stand for any of his crap if he were not John Cena or had money.

I guarantee that if Cena worked as a fry cook and lived in a studio apartment that Nikki would have kicked his butt to the curb months and months ago, but she is a borderline golddigger and he is John Cena, so she put up with it. Meanwhile, the ultimate irony is Cena doesn't want kids, but was apparently willy-nilly in bed with Nikki to the point where she took a home pregnancy test at the start of the show. How would that make Cena look if she were actually pregnant?

Natalya’s storyline was fun and made me laugh when the voicemails were played. Who hasn’t been there with drunk dialing? This brought back her issues since the first episode of being left behind despite being one of the most talented Divas and brought things to a head with Stephanie McMahon to resolve her problems. Of course, seeing that Natalya lost the Divas Title match to A.J. on the same night this show aired shows that her standing has not changed in the Divas division.

Also, congrats to Brie and Bryan. This was a good comeback for Bryan after being self-absorbed with his career for most of this season. Getting engaged doesn’t resolve his problems with putting his career first, but his being taken out of the main event as of late has possibly fixed that problem for him!

Last but not least, Eva Marie’s latest adventure back-fired on her because she didn’t think things through. What did she think would happen if she was engaged and then went to her dad and had Jonathan ask for her hand even though he already proposed? Throughout this season I have gotten the feeling that she has good intentions but is not putting in the effort or not thinking things through, making Eva her own worst enemy. I should note that of all the stories tonight, this wins the award for most contrived! There was barely a mention of a boyfriend or man in her life since she broke up with her fiancée early in the first half of the season and now out of nowhere she has been seeing this guy “forever” and is in love with him and engaged?! I think the producers felt they needed one more hook for tonight's episode and crafted this storyline!

Also, did JoJo quit? Barely a peep from her this half season. She must not have tested well in focus groups or something because she has disappeared!

One last note, this was a super-sized episode, as it had a nine minute over-run. But, I guess in the grand scheme of things having nine extra minutes is better than the awful wrap-up show they did at the end of the mid-season finale!

Thank you for reading, please follow me on Twitter @MJCupach for more thoughts on the wrestling world and other topics. Also, check out my Smackdown blog every weekend where I give my thoughts on that weeks show and my Main Event recap every Wednesday here on PWTorch.com!

[Torch art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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