WWE "Total Divas" Recap
November 24, 2013
Episode #11 “Seeing Red”
Aired on E!
Report by Michael Cupach, PWTorch contributor (and Total Divas specialist)

-Total Divas starts with a recap of last week's episode when Daniel Bryan won the WWE Title and no longer had time to spend with Brie Bella. Also, Nikki Bella moved in with John Cena and he asked her to sign a co-habitation agreement. Nikki isn’t sure if she should sign it.

-This week's show started with Nikki talking to Brie about the agreement. The agreement says that if he asks her to leave she is to leave as soon as possible and her junk is to be shipped back to San Diego at the first possible moment. It also says that his stuff is his stuff and her stuff is her stuff, there is basically no “our stuff” if she leaves. Brie tells her to really think about where their relationship is.

-Ariane and Vinny haven’t fooled around in four weeks since Ariane was diagnosed with endometriosis. Ariane says that between her condition and Vinny’s giant hog, it hurts when they sleep together. Vinny jokes around about bargaining with God to make his unit smaller. I can’t believe I am commenting on this.

-Nikki has checked into a hotel and talks with her mother about the cohabitation agreement and she asks if Nikki feels like she is a guest or like that house is her home. Her mom says that John is just protecting himself, but when legal documents enter a relationship, it gets cold.

-Brie and Bryan show up to Raw and Bryan stops to sign autographs and Brie looks annoyed that he is giving smelly disgusting fans the time of day instead of spending it with her.

-The Divas ask Nattie to twerk like Miley Cyrus, but she doesn’t know what twerking is.

-The Funkatactyls stretch and twerk backstage for their match and the conversation veers towards Ari and Vinny’s sex life. Trinity says that she needs to give up the cookie. Trinity says that if Jon doesn’t get it every two days he turns into the Grinch. Two twerking references in one show has me thinking that this episode was taped at the same time as the MTV Video Music Awards. Stab in the dark guess there...

-In Orlando at the Performance Center, T.J. (Tyson Kidd) is training for his comeback. Eva Marie is there to work out and asks him to train her like he did Nattie. Eva Marie says that she looks up to Natalya and that she wants to emulate what she did. Natalya walks in and immediately gets jealous that T.J. is with her because she is a noobie. Nattie is seeing red.

(Commercial)

-That meathead, T.J., doesn’t realize that Nattie is upset with him and keeps on training Eva. Nattie explains that she is upset because she fell for Tyson after they got intimate training together. There is also a quick cameo by Norman Smiley! T.J. thinks that it will be a great story if people find out he trained both women and could lead to great matches.

-Ariane goes to a doctor to talk about her lady parts problems. The doctor gives her an exam and Ariane wasn’t expecting it and warns her of what is going on down there. Just when I think this can’t get any more awkward, the doctor needs to stick a finger in her rectum, too. After a quick ultrasound, the doctor thinks Ariane is okay and doesn’t see anything wrong with her. Ari thinks the problem is mental now and asks about sex therapy as an option.

-Natalya and T.J. are talking about what to do for lunch. He wants to go back to the Performance Center because Eva wants more training. But, Natalya thinks he shouldn’t be training with her because she is a novice and could re-injure him and he is so close to returning to the ring.

-Brie is walking her dog and Bryan calls her to say that he won’t be home this weekend because he has to give seven interviews with local media for the weekend shows. He promises her a romantic dinner when he return and offers to give their dog, Josie, a romantic belly-scratching.

-Nattie storms the Performance Center to see what is going on for herself. She walks in and Eva has T.J. in a headlock with his head up against her boobs. As a way to get revenge she finds Fandango and asks him to roll around the ring with her. While she is talking to Fandango shots of T.J. and Eva in provocative poses is shown. T.J. spots Fandango without a shirt in the ring with Natalya and they are practicing go-arounds. T.J. is now jealous. Fandango is sick of being used and tells Tyson that he should be in the ring with Nattie and Tyson has some choice words for him. He calls it a day and tells Nattie he will see her at home.

(Commercial)

-Eva asks Natalya what the "eff" is going on with her. Natalya tells her not to talk and calls her shady and that she doesn’t trust her. Eva tells Nattie that she has no room to talk because of how she is dressed and rolling around with Fandango. Natalya tells her that if she wants T.J., she can have him.

-Ariane and Vinny go to see a sex therapist. He hopes the doctor isn’t a freak and Ariane is nervous talking to a stranger about sex. But, apparently she isn’t bothered about talking about it on national T.V. for everyone to see and hear! The doctor asks about what they enjoy sexually, if Ariane is ever horny, and Vinny’s…girth. The doctor asks Ariane about strip-teasing for Vinny and how often she masturbates. The doctor thinks that Ariane is repressed and needs to explore what she likes sexually. The doctor then prescribes that Ariane buys sex toys and porn. Vinny is smiling ear to ear. The doctor asks if they would both be open to roleplay and BDSM. Vinny is down for it, but Ariane isn’t so sure.

-Nikki and Brie are out for a morning constitutional and I couldn’t be happier for this change of subject! Nikki opens up to Brie about how she feels with the agreement with John, but she hasn’t discussed it with him and Brie tells her that she needs to talk about it now with him. Sad music is now playing as Nikki says she is confused and doesn’t want to ruin things with John. Nikki calls John and tells her that she is ready to talk.

(Commercial)

-Down in Tampa, at T.J. and Nattie’s house, Nattie got home and Tyson asked her if Fandango was with her. They finally talked about what happened, T.J. said that Nattie is way hotter than Eva and she only wanted to get better in the ring so she could finally get in the ring with Natalya. They kissed and locked up and made up.

-Mark Currano in Talent Relations keeps texting Bryan while he is out to lunch with Brie. Bryan ends up taking a call with him and leaving Brie alone in the restaurant. The food comes and she eats without him. It turns out that Bryan was asked to do a phone interview and when he comes back in, she is pissed off. The phone rings again and dummy answers it again and is asked to give another phoner, which he is happy to do. Brie pays the check and leaves. On the way home in the car she is giving him the silent treatment. Brie wants to date the Bryan she started dating, not the Bryan now because she doesn’t feel that he cares about her and doesn’t give a crap about her. Bryan asks the needy Bella if she wants unsuccessful Bryan instead of what she has now.

(Commercial)

-At Ariane and Vinny’s apartment, Vinny arrives home with “groceries” for them. He has various tools for spanking and self-pleasure. He has what is like a dangerous amount of toys in the bag of groceries, like a serial killer amount of porn and sex toys. Ariane is timid at first, but Vinny tells her that the doctor ordered that she try them out. They go into the bedroom and shots of water fountains are shown while they both yell “Yes! Yes! Yes!” like Daniel Bryan.

-Nikki and Brie argue about Nikki looking at the phone while they are having a conversation. Brie asks for advice concerning Bryan having no time for her. Brie says things were simple because he was barely on T.V., she was champion, and things were nice. Nikki says that it is selfish of her and that Brie is mean to him. Nikki also says that she is stressing him out more than he needs and that she needs to be his escape from everything. Brie feels she has been “bitchy” towards him and wants to apologize.

(Commercial)

-John calls Nikki and asks her to go to dinner with him to talk things over. John ends the conversation with “I love you, Nicole,” and she coldly says “Okay, thanks.” Good lord!

-Bryan arrives home and has a heart-to-heart with Brie. He apologized for not having time for her and being too wrapped up in what she is doing. Brie apologizes for being needy, but if they need to go through this rough patch to make some money, so be it. He promises to try to make more time for her and the dog.

-Nikki and John arrive to dinner, separately. John apologizes for how this works with the paper, but Nikki feels that if she doesn’t sign it, the relationship is over. John is also still sporting the shiner from Summerslam that he got from Daniel Bryan, as it is now a yellowish, purple color!

(Commercial)

-Nikki tells John that she feels he is being selfish about having her sign a paper and that he
should have told her about it before packing moving across the country. John says she is right, but this is what his life is and what it has become. John breaks down what he does for his whole family and that he is a provider and doesn’t want that put in jeopardy. Nikki didn’t know he supported that many people (how long have they been dating?) and finds it sweet. John throws out a hypothetical scenario where they are married and what she would want from him. She wants sex and kisses. That is how the show ends.

Mike's Reax: Where to begin? I feel like there should be some kind of notice or warning before reading this recap or watching this particular episode. I tried to be delicate with what happened and to be honest, I was not prepared for this show and nothing could have prepared me for what was discussed tonight! I did not sign up for recapping a show about going to the gynecologist and talking to sex therapists. I thought this would be a show about the Divas talking about working matches and maybe problems with their boyfriends, not this!

I was also disappointed in the outcome of the angle with Nikki and John. After a to be continued last week, they stretched things out too far with nothing happening until the last three minutes and then things fall flat with John saying it is what it is and Nikki still not saying that she will sign or not. The other awful thing in tonight's episode was Nattie’s acting when she pretended to be upset with T.J. working out with Eva Marie. I didn’t buy any of this for a second! They could have brought in Linda McMahon and she would look like Meryl Streep compared to Nattie. Then, just like the end to the Cena/Nikki storyline, Nattie was supposedly mad as hell the whole episode and then one meek apology and compliment later and all is forgiven with T.J.! T.J., on the other hand, I still can’t figure out if he is a great actor or really that stupid. He has me fooled/convinced he is dumber than dirt!

Overall, after recapping this episode, I think I need a shower or to do some charity work.

Thank you for reading, please follow me on Twitter @MJCupach for more thoughts on the wrestling world and other topics. Also, check out my Smackdown blog every weekend where I give my thoughts on that weeks show and my Main Event recap every Wednesday here on PWTorch.com!

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