By James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor

WWE "Total Divas" Recap
July 28, 2013
Episode 1 - Aired on E!
By Michael Cupach, PWTorch Total Divas Specialist

"#TotalDivas reminds me of my days in #wwe talent relations when we went from just few divas 2 locker room full. Challenging times" - Jim Ross, WWE announcer/former VP of Talent Relations, tweeted half-way through the show.

[Q1] It's the first episode. The girls all introduced themselves to start the show. The Bellas claim that all the other girls are jealous that they are back in WWE because the other girls were just starting to make a name for themselves before they came back to take back the spotlight. Oh no they didn’t! The Funkadactyls break down the hierarchy of the Divas division, saying that it goes (1) Faces of the company, (2) Tenured women, and (3) Everyone else. Natalya introduces herself as a member of the Hart family.

The show then breaks into “storylines” for each of the girls on the show and goes back and forth between what each girl is going through. The Funkadactyls prepare for their first WrestleMania match against the returning Bellas. Natalya trains in the ring to improve her skills as a Diva because even though she is a Hart, she still has to work hard and nothing is handed to her.

Nikki Bella introduces John Cena as her boyfriend, they are fishing and joke about their relationship being like "The Notebook." The other Bella, Brie, then talks about her boyfriend, Daniel Bryan, and while they are walking their dog, Nikki rolls up in a new SUV that John bought for her. Brie shows slight jealousy at her sister for getting such a gift.

During WrestleMania weekend, Natalya is told that she definitely will not be involved on the show. A member of talent relations informs her that the Bellas will have a spot on the show and she doesn’t think it is fair since she taught them how to wrestle and they were gone for eleven months. She is then asked to teach and train two new girls how to work and Natalya has disdain for the assignment because she knows that she will make these girls great and one day they will steal a WrestleMania spot just like The Bellas are doing today. Such drama! I can’t believe her life is sooooo hard! Poor Nattie. Did she really expect a big WrestleMania role considering that she spent the better part of the year farting and hanging out with Great Khali and Hornswoggle?

(Commercial)

[Q2]

-Eva Marie and JoJo arrive at WrestleMania and they talk about how they have only been in the ring for a month at this point.

-At WrestleMania, Brie is walking by as Natalya is given her news about the show and training the new Divas. Natalya fights back crying and puts on a brave face wishing Brie good luck and then telling her about the new girls. Eva Marie and JoJo are introduced to Nattie and Brie. The woman in talent relations let Eva Marie know that she is to dye her hair blonde and Nattie thinks this is because she is being replaced as the only blonde on the roster.

-Meanwhile, Ariane’s boyfriend, Vincent, arrives at the hotel to support for her at WrestleMania. Ariane admits that he has never seen her wrestle or perform, so she is looking forward to this weekend.

-Backstage at a show, Natalya is “babysitting” Ariane’s boyfriend when Ariane comes up crying that Brodus yelled in front of everyone that Ariane in particular sucks. Vincent wants to fight Brodus for disrespecting her and he starts running his mouth about Clay. He is calmed down by Natalya, who tells him that if he keeps this up, his girlfriend will lose her job. It would have been cool to see this nobody get in Clay’s face about showing respect. Clay used to be a bodyguard for Snoop Dog and I have no doubt that he would have murdered this moron and Ariane would be fired as a result.

-Trinity (Cameron) is driving with her fiancée, Jimmy Uso, when she lets him know what happened. He admits that he would want to fight for his girl's honor, but since he knows the business he would keep his mouth shut. Trinity says that this isn’t fun anymore if she has to keep dealing with this nonsense.

(Commercial)

-The Bella Twins seek out JoJo and Eva Marie in their hotel room. Nikki thinks that Eva is drop-dead gorgeous and that JoJo has the most beautiful smile. All four girls are particularly catty, Nikki and Brie seem happy that Eva will dye her hair and hopefully look atrocious.

-Trinity and Ariane have a heart-to-heart about Vinny getting involved in WWE business. Trinity lets her know that Vinny can’t be backstage anymore if he can’t show respect to the wrestlers. Ariane doesn’t want to hear it and backs what Vinny did.

[Q3]

-Eva Marie is at the salon getting her hair did. They strip it down to its original color (I bet she doesn’t even remember what it was – oh no, I didn’t!) and Eva Marie changes her mind and won’t dye it blonde because it won’t look right.

(Commercial)

-Knowing that this might cost her her job, Eva Marie colors her hair red like Rihanna, and I give it two snaps and a twist! Eva Marie then meets Jean in talent relations and she explains that blonde didn’t work for her. Jean likes it better, but tells Eva Marie that next time she better listen to what they say to a tee.

-The Divas show up for the Superstars of Sandy Charity Auction and The Bellas see Eva with her red hair for the first time and are immediately worried that she will pass them because of her looks. Natalya is the host of the red carpet and shares that she wishes she had those “Diva red carpet moments,” but that she is passed over again.

-At the auction, the girls mingle and the Bellas do some catty hazing of Eva Marie and Jojo. The Bellas have them fetch drinks for them all night and the newbies are keen to what is happening. OMG, those Bella’s can be such yotches!

-At breakfast the next morning, The Bellas discuss if John will ever pop the question to Nikki, and Nikki wonders when she should walk away if it doesn’t happen. They cry thinking about how happy Nikki is with Cena.

(Commercial)

-The Funkadactyls continue to be fussing and a feuding with each other since Trinity confronted Ariane about her boyfriend. They bicker and sass each other because Trinity doesn’t want Ariane’s decisions affecting her career and Ariane doesn’t want to be told what to do. In the end, Ari agrees to talk to her boyfriend.

-At dinner, Nikki intends to talk to John about their future and getting married.

[Q4]

1 - NIKKI BELLA vs. JOHN CENA

John starts off by saying that he tried marriage once and it didn’t work and he is unsure he can do it again. Nikki counters with wanting to be happy with the man she loves and she deserves happiness. Nikki also feels pressure since her sister and Daniel Bryan are ring shopping, but she doesn’t know where she stands with John. John tells her that she has changed him and she agrees to give him more time and space.

WINNER: John Cena by weaseling his way out of committing in 2:16.

-WrestleMania is finally here and the newbies meet up with Nattie backstage before the show. Highlights and clips from WrestleMania are shown and The Bellas prepare for their match with Rhodes Scholars, Tons of Funk, and The Funkadactyls. The women are told that they are up in ten minutes, but then a wardrobe malfunction throws a monkey wrench into the works!

(Commercial)

-The seamstress is still working on Trinity’s costume moments before she is scheduled to have her match. They are supposed to be on before Cena and The Rock, but Natalya geniusly notices that Cena is out there and thinks something is up. Natalya goes to seek out the girls as Total Divas cuts to break right as the action is about to pick up!

(Commercial)

-The Funkadactyls and The Bellas are in the locker room when Natalya and the new girls come in to see what happened. One of the matches went long, so the girls, Rhodes Scholars, and Tons of Funk got cut. All the girls cry, the cameraman cries, I shed a tear, and I wonder why bad things happen to good Divas. The show ends with Trinity and Ariane agreeing to get a drink or two after Mania. There you go, a hay ending to the first show!

-Clips of what is coming up on this season of Total Divas is shown. OMG, I can’t wait to see this roller-coaster ride! If I were to sum up what is coming up on Total Divas: the women cry, the men get pissed at them, Stephanie threatens to fire them, The Funkadactyls bicker, and fake boobies float in the pool!

Mike’s Reax: So, that was the first episode of Total Divas and the amount of drama did not disappoint me. I knew there would be as much real and fabricated as they could fit into 60 minutes. Some things surprised me about the show, like Natalya being a paranoid whiner, The Bellas being the Diva version of Triple H wanting to hold down the younger girls and keep them from taking their spot, and how Cena allowed himself to be shown on a WWE program like that. The way that Cena dodged giving Nikki a commitment will go down in the Man’s Hall of Fame as one of the greatest dancing around the marriage question performances seen on TV! I also didn’t like all the crying and emotions, it was yucky.

Thanks for reading, make sure to follow me on Twitter @MJCupach for more wrestling thoughts as I live tweet during Raw and PPVs. Also, make sure to check out my weekly Smackdown Blog and Main Event recap here on PWTorch.com!

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