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CALDWELL'S WWE SATURDAY SLAM RESULTS 3/30: U.S. champ vs. Truth, double-dose of Funk vs. Players, D-Bryan dazzles

Mar 30, 2013 - 11:00:55 AM
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WWE Saturday Morning Slam Results
March 30, 2013
Aired on CW - Episode #32
Report by James Caldwell, PWTorch assistant editor


This week's Saturday Slam started with a plug for this morning's main event of U.S. champion Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth.

But, first, the Dancing Bears against Prime Time Players, which was set up last week on Slam. After a review of Mick Foley booking the tag match, WWE ran a video package highlighting both teams.

In-ring: "Tons of Funk" Clay and Tensai were introduced for tag action, then went through their full dance routine with Cameron and Naomi. After Josh Mathews and co-host "The Dazzler" Daniel Bryan set the stage from ringside, the Prime Time Players were introduced to the ring.

1 -- BRODUS CLAY & TENSAI vs. PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O'NEIL & DARREN YOUNG)

As the match unfolded, Bryan noted wrestling Tensai is like wrestling a bear, playing off his "talent" on this week's JBL & Cole YouTube show. Bryan emphatically said other people who have wrestled bears include Stu Hart, Gene LeBell, and, for kicks and giggles, Arn Anderson. Suddenly, Titus cheated to help D-Young score the fall on Clay, setting off a wild celebration ringside.

WINNERS: Players at 1:50.

Post-match, Mick Foley walked out and said every fiber of his being wants him to re-start the match. But, he must let the result stand. He will book a re-match, though. The Players thought it would happen way down the line and started to leave, but Foley booked the re-match for...right now, which popped the crowd and angered the Players.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- BRODUS CLAY & TENSAI vs. PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITUS O'NEIL & DARREN YOUNG)

Back from break, the match was in-progress as Bryan changed his mind about Foley booking the re-match because he wants to be Assistant GM. In the ring, the Players started to work on Tensai as Cameron and Naomi sold concern ringside. Titus offered his own feat of strength by bodyslamming Tensai, then he celebrated and tagged in D-Young, who comically completely missed a dropkick and wiped out on the mat.

This brought in Clay, who took apart D-Young before warming up the freight train for a big corner splash. Clay followed with a bodyslam, but Titus broke up a pin attempt. The match broke down with all four men in the ring, then Brodus and Tensai combined for a double Call My Momma splash on D-Young for the pin and the win.

WINNERS: Tons of Funk at 2:45.

Still to come: Cesaro vs. Truth in a flashback to their 2012 feud.

[Commercial Break]

In-ring: R-Truth was introduced first for the main event. Bryan evaluated Truth's wardrobe, saying Truth needs to be more dazzling, like The Dazzler. U.S. champ Antonio Cesaro was then introduced as Bryan discussed his "dazzling" t-shirt and hair.

3 -- U.S. champion ANTONIO CESARO vs. R-TRUTH -- non-title match

Bryan continued to discuss wrestling bears on commentary as Truth started off the match in control. Bryan indignantly said it appears Truth's dance-moves are able to counter Cesaro's power and strength, then Cesaro rolled to the outside trying to retreat and reevaluate.

[Commercial Break]

Coming back from break, Antonio Cesaro provided this week's Don't Try This At Home message. Meanwhile, the CW's voice-over man encouraged viewers to work on their "signature move" during the previous commercial. Mixed signals, much?

Back in the ring, Cesaro was in control of the action. Bryan told Cesaro that if he really wants to wear down Truth, he should apply a BEAR-hug. Mathews noted Bryan's obsession with bears, which prompted Bryan to rattle off every bear he knows. Suddenly, Cesaro applied a bearhug, prompting Bryan to flip out on commentary. Bryan thought this was surely the end, but Truth easily escaped, quieting Bryan. "He bare-ly" got out of that bearhug," Bryan noted. "This is unbearable!"

Cesaro calmed things down with his Big Swing mid-ring, prompting Bryan to flip out about trying to do this to a bear. Cesaro then dropped Truth and began stumbling around the ring before trying to find his balance. Cesaro eventually found Truth in the corner, but airballed a corner splash. Cesaro followed with a European Uppercut that made Bryan lean back in his chair at the commentary position.

Cesaro tried to follow with a suplex, but Truth ducked and nailed his "signature move" for the pin and the win. Post-match, Mathews thanked Bryan for his commentary as Cesaro freaked out about losing the match. Tony Chimel then announced Cesaro as still the U.S. champion. Cesaro then kissed his U.S. Title belt.

WINNER: Truth at 8:40. Solid match made even better by Bryan's strong commentary. Bryan fits in perfectly on a Saturday morning program.

Slam closed with a video package highlighting top WWE stars.


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