WWE Smackdown Blog
May 17, 2013
Report by Michael Cupach, PWTorch contributor

Miz TV

-Miz TV kicked off Smackdown with Randy Orton and The Big Show were the guests. Orton versus Show was announced to be an Extreme Rules match at Extreme Rules. If this were at Summerslam, would it be a Summerslam match? I think it is very convienient that they have that kind of match on this pay-per-view.

Show threatened to embarrass Orton in his hometown on Sunday and he said that there will be no RKOs, only TKOs! I’m calling it here – Marc Mero is returning to deliver TKOs. Orton made similar threats to Show and then Jack Swagger interrupted flanked by Zeb Colter.

Zeb Colter talked about the I Quit match on Sunday and he suggested that Alberto Del Rio submit in both English and Spanish so everyone can understand him. That was kind of clever. That line drew out Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez, and Del Rio came back with “shut up.” I wonder which prodigy writer came up with that gem of a comeback. Del Rio also called Zeb Colter “Jumanji Man” and both people who got the reference to the 1994 flop starring Robin Williams and a young Kirsten Dunst laughed at that one.

Mark Henry joined the fray for no reason at all to smack-talk Sheamus. The ring was starting to get uncomfortably full and with that, Sheamus came out to party in the ring with the other two feuds. Sheamus didn’t want to wait until Sunday to leave him black and blue with strap marks. The heels cleared the ring at the sight of a ginger with a leather strap. Smackdown went to commercial and there was no Teddy Long to turn this cluster into a tag team main event for tonight. "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now!" Clark Griswold

-I spoke too soon. Teddy Long is out after the break to make a main event six-man tag match featuring everyone seen in the opening segment sans The Miz. Michael Cole informed everyone that Booker T has been on the shelf with an elbow infection and is undergoing surgery. I was curious as to why Teddy Long has been out with no sign of Booker in recent weeks.

1 - THE USOS vs. THE SHIELD (SETH ROLLINS & ROMAN REIGNS)

Not much of a match despite the slight build-up for the match from Wednesday's Main Event. The Usos dominated for a minute or so and then Roman Reigns put one of the Usos away with a spear after two minutes. After the match, The Shield went to dismantle The Usos, but Kofi made the save with a steel chair.

-Backstage, Damien Sandow pitched the pilot episode of “The Damien Sandow Show” to Teddy Long. Long passed and instead made a match between Miz and Sandow. I’d watch the Damien Sandow Show, what else do I have to watch since all my other shows ended or got cancelled this season!

2 - TONS OF FUNK vs. PRIME TIME PLAYERS

Big re-match from Raw here. Haha, just kidding. I forgot they wrestled on Monday, but thank goodness Cole pays attention and informed me thusly. This was a fun match, as WWE crowds are somewhat into Tons of Funk. Clay and Tensai won after a double splash on Darren Young.

3 - CHRIS JERICHO vs. ANTONIO CESARO

If Jericho beats Cesaro, then I will know for sure that someone backstage hates Antonio because Jericho *never* wins! During the match, Fandango did an inset promo where he and Summer Rae pretended to twist their ankles again. Quality back and forth match from these two. I can’t say that Jericho carried the match, as Cesaro definitely carries his own weight and then some. Cesaro had great offense, especially his European uppercut catching his opponent coming off the top rope - it looks vicious every time. The finish came when Jericho reversed a Neutralizer into the Walls of Jericho to get the tap out win. Congrats to Chris Jericho on his first win since WrestleMania 26!

-Post-match, Fandango tried a sneak attack on Y2J, but Chris saw it coming and fought off Fandango and a revived Cesaro.

-A new “We The People” video from Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger played. Zeb said that he and Swagger are not extreme; he called the liars in office extreme. Colter then tried developing a conspiracy theory that Dolph Ziggler isn’t injured, he is scared of Jack Swagger. He finished by saying that Real Americans don’t quit, which is why Swagger will win and Del Rio will lose. Not exactly what his first set of videos were, but this got the job done in getting the last word in before Sunday.

4 - THE MIZ vs. DAMIEN SANDOW

Cody Rhodes was on commentary for this match. He said he will not be a stepping stone for The Miz this Sunday at Extreme Rules. Most of the match, Cole and Rhodes argued over what his relationship was with Sandow. Is it a bromance, a love fest, are they the new best friends club? Rhodes cleared it up that they are best friends and intellectual equals. When they didn’t bicker, Cody was good on commentary and added some good insight from the wrestler's perspective to the match. Miz won the match after putting Sandow in his ugly-looking figure-four. This was a match to feature Miz and reintroduce him to the audience after a few weeks away.

5 - AKSANA vs. KAITLYN

Kaitlyn’s secret admirer has a Twitter handle - @InLuvWKaitlyn. Josh thinks he knows who the admirer is, but Cole claims that Josh is describing himself. Aksana has improved in the ring, but she was so bad that she could only go up. Kaitlyn picked up the win after a spear out of nowhere. The women are starting to get more time in the ring, as it has been a while since there was a 0:30-1:00-long match. It is a slight improvement, but noticeable. For the record, I predict that Kaitlyn’s secret crush is George Glass from Niagara Falls.

6 - ALBERTO DEL RIO & SHEAMUS & RANDY ORTON vs. JACK SWAGGER & MARK HENRY & BIG SHOW - six-man tag match

Del Rio’s new shirt looks like and amalgam of gang signs on top of a map of North America. Not cool. Del Rio played face in peril through the first break. After the break, Sheamus attempted a Brogue Kick, but got caught with a Chokeslam. Sheamus kicked out, though, with no save from his teammates. They must have known that Big Show's finisher wasn’t enough to put the Celtic Warrior away. Or, perhaps they knew they still had a few minutes of TV time left!

This was a perfectly acceptable Smackdown main event, but I never liked the idea of PPV opponents facing each other in the ring under any circumstance before the big PPV match. What am I buying on Sunday if every guy got a piece of their opponent and gave away part of their match on Sunday? The finish came after most guys hit their finishers on someone else, the last of the sequence was an RKO on Jack Swagger and Randy Orton getting the victory over him.

Thank you for reading, for more from me, please follow me on Twitter @MJCupach. Also check out my Main Event reports every Wednesday right here on PWTorch.com .

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/1: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Kevin Owens vs. Ryback in an Intercontinental Title Match

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 9/24: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Kevin Owens & Rusev vs. Dolph Ziggler & Ryback

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 9/17: Ongoing coverage of the Thursday night show, including Seth Rollins & Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns