By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our quarterly TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column!

Here's the deal. We moved this weekend, and I'm exhausted. And I just now got the McNeill Media Room connected to the Great Wide Open that is the Internet. Here are my projections. Please don't use these to make any last minute bets, for your own sake.

Ken Anderson vs. Sam Shaw (Commitment Match): Look, if I'm running TNA...Actually, if I'm running TNA, I sold it to Jeff Jarrett and Toby Keith 90 days ago. But there's no way I'm passing up the opportunity to put Mr. Anderson in the loony bin. Projection? Shaw wins with his feet on the ropes and continues to plague Christy Hemme through the next six weeks.

Seiya Sanada vs. Tigre Uno (TNA X Division Title): Congratulations to TNA Wrestling on taking two very talented wrestlers and getting us to not care about them in record time. Good work. Projection? Samada wins because there's no point switching the title.

Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love (TNA Knockout Title): Did they really take the title off of Gail Kim just to have Angelina Love win it the following month? Yeah. Probably. Projection? Angelina wins thanks to Velvet's interference.

The BroMans & DJ Zema Ion vs. The Wolves (TNA World Tag Team Titles): TNA Creative is high on the BroMans. Are they a decent midcard act? Sure? Should they be the semi main event on every single TNA house show? No. Should they be going fifty-fifty with Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards? Not on your life. Projection? The Wolves killify the three stooges in under five minutes, with Edwards making Zema tap out.

Gunner Lail vs. James Storm (I Quit Match): Whose turn is it this month? Projection? Gunner takes a claw hammer from under the ring and goes after Storm's eyes until Storm gives up.

Bully Ray vs. Bobby Roode (Tables Match): Trying to guess where TNA could be going with their main storylines is tricky, so your best bet is to pick a direction that makes sense. Projection? Distraction by Ethan Carter & Rockstar Spud leads to a victory for Roode.

Willow Hardy & Kurt Angle vs. Ethan Carter III & Rockstar Spud: No, really. They booked this. Projection? Angle with the Anklelock. Cut and dried.

Eric Young vs. Magnus (TNA World Heavyweight Title): You're going to have your beloved, bearded babyface win the title, and then screw him out of it at the first opportunity? What is this, WWE? Projection? Eric Young hits the piledriver and wins one for Animal Planet.

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. You can e-mail him at patmcneill@live.com. He'll see you here on Pro Wrestling Torch.

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