By Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Authority" Levesque, Vice President of Non-Wrestling Operations Stephanie McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bats--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of Minwax Wood Finish. America's finest line of interior stain products, in twenty-two colors. Minwax makes and keeps wood beautiful. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the part where he moves WWE headquarters from Connecticut to the office park six blocks from his house.

If you have a moment, check out the most-talked about wrestling podcast in America
right here, as Sean Radican and I talked Combat Zone Wrestling with AR Fox and DJ Hyde. Then, tune in this coming Wednesday over at PWTorchLivecast.com for our Livecast Christmas Party with DGUSA champion Johnny Gargano and Survivor Hall of Famer Jonny Fairplay. And then, go download EVERY episode of the PWTorch Livecast, and prepare to listen all future episodes LIVE, including the TLC postgame show James Caldwell and Greg Parks will be doing this Sunday night.

This Sunday is a historic occasion in the history of professional wrestling. The WWE Heavyweight Title and the World Heavyweight Title are to be unified in a big tables, ladders and chairs match. This hasn't happened since...the last time it happened, in December 2001, when Chris Jericho became the first unified WWE World Heavyweight Champion. How did that end? Nine months later, WWE had split into two touring brands, so Eric Bischoff made Triple H the World Heavyweight Champion, splitting the title all over again. Then WWE folded the Intercontinental and Hardcore Titles into the World Title so the belt could have some sort of heritage.

I hate to say it, but we could see this happen again. My money is on WWE unifying the title tonight at TLC, and then coming back after WrestleMania and splitting the title again when somebody goes nuts. In case you haven't heard, plans change all the time in WWE. But what would be the best way to take this mess and bring it forward to WrestleMania 30 in New Orleans? That's the big money question here.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on December 13, 1993, WWF held a live Monday Night Raw from Poughkeepsie, New York. Your main event saw the late "Macho Man" Randy Savage against Rikishi Fatu, who is accompanied by Afa the Wild Samoan. THAT, my friends, is old school. Vince McMahon and Jim Cornette have the call.



What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment fifteen years ago? I'm glad you asked! On December 13, 1998, the World Wrestling Federation presented its "WWF: Rock Bottom" from the General Motors Place in Vancouver, British Columbia. This show opened with The Godfather & Val Venis taking on D'Lo Brown & Mark Henry. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler had the call.



Did you miss Friday Night Smackdown? No, you didn't. Here's the two-hour broadcast event, kicking off with Daniel Bryan in action against Erick Rowan.



And for your pleasure, here's your official TLC DLC preshow, as performed on WWE 2K14. Here's Dolph Ziggler taking on Fandango in gamer form! Future WWE announcer Peter Chao has the call. (Parental discretion is seriously advised.)



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing tomorrow, and at least two of them will be sober during the show. On with the program!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Fandango (Pre-Show Match): It is often difficult to tell who's going to win in a WWE match, but I know who *should* win. Projection? Ziggler with the Famouser. We're going to need Dolph to move up the ladder a little bit.

We should get a bonus match added to the card. Judging by recent events, I'm predicting another installment of Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz, ending with Kofi getting Christmas Bounty'd and hit with the Skull Crushing finale. Miz wins again.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes vs. Rey Mysterio & Big Show vs. The Real Americans vs. Curtis Axel & Ryback (WWE Tag Team Titles - Fatal 4 Way Match): Goldust and Cody Rhodes are awesome, but this is a perfect opportunity to get the titles off of Dustin and Cody. Projection? The Shield comes out on the ramp to say howdy late in the match, and Cesaro pins Axel with the Neutralizer while everyone is distracted. Come on, it's time to pull the trigger on Cesaro's babyface turn, and we can't start that until the Real Americans actually accomplish something.

Big E. Langston vs. Damien Sandow (WWE Intercontinental Title): You have to ask? Projection? Big E. Big Ending. Langston retains the championship.

A.J. Lee vs. Natalya Neidhart (WWE Divas Title): So this show, and this match, are up against the season finale of Total Divas on E! Network? Makes perfect sense to me. Projection? Natalya counters the Black widow and locks in the Sharpshooter, winning the match and the title for the memory of Gizmo the cat. No, really, that should be part of the storyline.

C.M. Punk vs. The Shield (Handicap Match): As great as it would be for C.M. Punk to score a pay-per-view victory here, I can't tell you how much damage that would do to The Shield. And it wouldn't be a good idea to mess with The Shield, as they've been carrying the heel side of the roster these days. Projection? Punk does his damage, Reigns spears Punk, The Shield gets the hard-fought three-on-one victory.

Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family (Handicap Match): I know, I know. Who books TWO three-on-one matches on a pay-per-view? WWE does! Projection? Bryan looks good against Harper and Rowan, gets hit with Sister Agnes by the boss, Bray Wyatt. Wyatts win. The postmatch attack on D.B. is interrupted by Rey Mysterio and Big Show, who gimp in to protect Daniel and set up a big six-man tag for Raw on Monday night.

Randy Orton vs. John Cena (WWE/World Heavyweight Title Unification - Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match): You know what I really *do* appreciate about this show? There's only one tables, ladders and chairs match on the card, and it's the main event. It is almost as if my years of nagging WWE about this pay-per-view have paid off. Almost. Projection? After all the teases, we have Triple H and or Kane intervening on behalf of Randy Orton, or attempting to intervene. Because Daniel Bryan's going to make the save for John Cena. Some of you may not appreciate that. Cena gives Orton the Attitude Adjustment and takes both belts. Cena-Bryan II is the main event of the 2014 Royal Rumble pay-per-view.

Aftermath: If I were left to my own devices here, what would I do? Let's start with putting together a lineup for WrestleMania 30. How about John Cena vs. Undertaker? That seems like an easy match to put together. Then you have Daniel Bryan versus Triple H, which we almost have to do at this point. And C.M. Punk gets his rematch with Brock Lesnar, just for kicks. What does Hulk Hogan do at WrestleMania 30? I don't care, as long as Hulk's not wrestling. And yes, let's do Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns.

Will the McMahons head in this direction? Probably not. But anything can happen in WWE.

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. Pat would take the Baltimore Ravens to beat the Detroit Lions on Monday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal.

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