By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Pro Wrestling Torch Columnist Pat McNeill will be live blogging tonight's WWE Hell in a Cell pay-per-view as soon as he finishes sobbing over the outcome of America's NFL Game of the Week. Stay tuned.

Great news from the pregame show. Ron "The Truth" Killings is wearing the same suit he's wearing on the pay-per-view poster.

Your pregame roundtable consists of Josh Mathews, Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston, Ron Killings, and Is That Kaitlyn?

The Miz is backstage and he wants a match with Bray Wyatt. But he's not medically cleared to wrestle, gosh darn it.

Big E. Langston had his match cancelled, and he wants a shot at Dean Ambrose and the United States title. Ambrose tells Big E. he's not man enough to hold the prestigious WWE United States Title. Langston reminds Ambrose that The Miz once held the U.S. Title. Ambrose changes his mind. The match is on!

It's Kofi Kingston vs. Damien Sandow in the preshow match. Boy, good thing we left Dolph Ziggler off the show, so we'd have room for a match like this.

On the bright side, the BroMans aren't here this week.

Sandow wins with his finisher. Will he cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase tonight? Maybe.

For someone who's being buried as deep as Dolph Ziggler's being buried, he sure is toeing the company line on this pregame show.

The main show (and the tag team title match) is next.

WWE Hell in a Cell. It used to be bloody, violent and cool. Now it isn't. Much like liveblogging during wrestling pay-per-views.

The American Airlines Arena is the home of the greatest brand in sports entertainment: LeBron James! Also, there's a wrestling show here tonight.

Time for our opening match of The Rhodes Brothers vs. The Shield vs. The Uso Brothers. The Spanish Announce Table is at ringside, and Rey Mysterio is at the Spanish announce table.

I think Goldust's face paint needs to designed by Nike, so they can change his look every week.

Remember, you can join the conversation about tonight's show here on Twitter by using the hashtag #BringBackJimRoss.

Yes, this is an outstanding opener. They're even giving Jimmy & Jey a lot of cool spots. No, you should NOT call me on the phone while I'm doing this. Really. Call James Caldwell instead.

Cody and Seth Rollins tease doing the finish I laid out in my preview column, but Cody hits the Cross Rhodes on Rollins instead for the victory. Well played, Cody. Well played. Cole points out that Big Show didn't help Cody this time.

John Cena believes in hustle, loyalty and respect. And street racing! #HellInACell

The Miz is out to review the excellent storyline he was involved in on Smackdown. Miz tells us he's not medically cleared to wrestle, but that doesn't mean he's cleared to fight. Actually, that's EXACTLY what it means.

Miz wants a fight with Bray Wyatt. Wyatt sends out Rowan & Harper for a two on one. Kane returns to save The Miz. So, Kane's a heel now? Nope. Kane beats up The Miz. The crowd loves it.

JBL beats me to saying "THAT's what's best for business." Bastard.

Next up is Fandango & Summer Rae. We've got a mixed tag match. Please tell me their opponents aren't Great Khali and Natalya. I'm begging you.

Fandango tells us there's only one true master of the art of salsa. Yes. His name is Mister Baja Fresh. I know him well.

Guess who their opponents are. Go on, guess!

Summer Rae can wrestle. Does this mean we can send Aksana back down to NXT? It's nothing personal, mind you. Summer pins Natalya for the win.

JBL declares himself a better prognosticator than Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder. Given that Jimmy The Greek died in 1996, JBL may have a point.

What will receive more air time in the next ten minutes? The United States title match between Dean Ambrose and Big E. Langston, or the bowling tournament on the JBL & Cole YouTube show?

If you thought the mixed tag match killed the crowd, you should've heard the reaction to Jerry Lawler's "hurdles" joke.

Langston spears Ambrose off the apron, finally getting a crowd reaction. Ambrose takes the deliberate countout. This might be the start of something. Langston lays Ambrose out after the match.

Lou Reed died? That sucks.

Time for C.M. Punk against Ryback & Paul Heyman in the Cell. If you caught my preview, there's no way WWE ends this feud before the Team Punk vs. Team Heyman matchup at Survivor Series.

Where is Paul Heyman? He's probably trying to get Jimmy Hart's suit of armor out of storage.

Heyman arrives to the ring on a scaffolding thingy, and is raised up to the roof of the cell. Really.

It's C.M. Punk vs. Ryback inside the cell, a rematch of last year's epic WWE Title match. The crowd, of course, chants for Bill Goldberg.

Shot into the cage. Kendo stick. Kendo stick. The usual.

I'm not saying this is the dullest Hell in A Cell of all time, because it isn't. Did you SEE the last time Undertaker and Kane wrestled in the cell? The poor fellows. And don't get me started on Kennel In A Cell.

I think we need more kendo stick shots in this match. Punk gets a table. Ryback crotches Punk on the edge of the table. That's not good. Fortunately for Punk, he's able to donkey punch Ryback.

Punk puts Ryback through a table, then hits the Go To Sleep for the pin. Hey, it woke up the crowd. Then we reach the awkward point where Paul Heyman realizes he has to come down from the roof of the cell.

Punk climbs up the cell and wears out Heyman with a kendo stick. Unless Men's Wearhouse has come up with a padded suit, that's got to hurt. Punk gives Heyman the Go To Sleep.

Ad for the Susan G. Komen foundation. It's hard to work humor into a breast cancer PSA.

The guy in the pink T-shirt leads everyone in a "Yes!" chant.

It's time for Los Matadores vs. We The People in the popcorn match. Yes, there's a bit where Michael Cole explains to John Layfield the difference between a bull and a guy in a bull costume. JBL tosses out an F Troop reference. Or a World War I reference. Whatever.

Zeb Colter thinks there are illegal immigrants in the crowd. In Miami. What a scurrilous accusation.

JBL, Cole & Lawler then go through dozens of ridiculous pop culture and WWE references without ONCE mentioning Mantaur. That ain't right. Los Matadores win.

John Cena returns tonight, two months after tearing a muscle, without the use of any PED's whatsoever. It's amazing.

Time for Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena. The moment we've all been waiting for. JBL explains that he talked about Cena's injury with an orthopedic doctor and the doctor said Cena should be out for a whole season. Silly Layfield. He should know by now that WWE doesn't HAVE seasons. Or offseasons.

The announcers put over Del Rio's mean streak, including how Del Rio gave Dolph Ziggler a concussion and ended his career (more or less.)

We see Damien Sandow watching this match on a monitor backstage. He's thinking "Man, is this crowd dead."

Cena tries to power Del Rio up for the Attitude Adjustment, but can't do it with his bad arm. At least I THINK that's the storyline. Not getting much help here.

Currently trending on Twitter: Nothing WWE claims is trending on Twitter. At least the crowd is into this match now. It's taking them a bit to warm up.

Cena locks in the STF, and darned if Michael Cole doesn't pick up on the story of whether Cena can keep the hold with his bad arm. Yay! Then we get Del Rio going for his finisher, and Cena deadlifting Del Rio to escape the hold. I guess Cena's triceps is okay. Yes, John Cena finishes and makes the pin. John Cena is your World Smackdown Champion.

Bray Wyatt is coming to Survivor Series, and he's bringing alligators. Follow the alligators.

We go to our WWE Pseudo All-Star Panel, where Kaitlyn is the only one to remember the Divas title match hasn't happened yet.

It's A.J. Lee vs. Brie Bella! Hooray!

I swear on a stack of bibles that I just heard Michael Cole explain to Jerry Lawler who Katharine McPhee is. The things I recap for you people.

Brie Bella accidentally collides with Nikki Bella, and it costs her the match. I'm just saying.

The Primetime Players are playing WWE2K14, when Bob Backlund walks in. Titus notices that Mr. Backlund is sweaty. That's because Bob just walked here from Connecticut.

What does Triple H have against Daniel Bryan? Well, Bryan can actually pop a crowd in 2013. Shawn Michaels can pop a crowd in 2013, and he's your special guest referee.

It's time for our main event. So let's get it out of our system now. Abeyance, abeyance, abeyance, abeyance!

Down comes the cell. Main event time. We're going at a Randy Orton pace here. That's fine, but I'd love to see these two get thirty-five minutes to tear it up, and it's obviously not happening tonight.

Some good brawling, and Bryan goes under the ring. It's a chair-chair here, and a chair-chair there. Here a chair, there a chair, everywhere a chair-chair.

Triple H comes out to the cell to ruin everyone's fun. He gets an "A--hole" chant. While Michaels argues with Triple H, he misses Orton getting a visual fall. Randy hits his hanging DDT and clearly has the match won.

Ref bump. Down goes Shawn. Triple H gets the officials to open the cell. Bryan hits the running knee on Orton. And one for Triple H. And Shawn Michaels superkicks Daniel Bryan. And Randy Orton is your winner. Oh, well.

Randy Orton is your champion, and Shawn Michaels gets blamed for it. Fantastic. Good match, though. Join James and Greg on PWTorchLivecast.com at the bottom of the hour, and VIP members can download the Roundtable in about an hour.

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