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MCNEILL'S TAKE
Out Of Time: McNEILL Previews WWE Hell In A Cell 2013!

Oct 27, 2013 - 3:41:33 PM
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By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Real Star" Levesque, Stephanie "I Hate Dusty" McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bats--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Anbesol Cold Sore Therapy. The only one with Vitamin E and aloe. Anbesol Cold Sore Thearpy. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. And the player who bids within $100 of his or her Showcase without going over wins both Showcases. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the part where he forces Triple H to watch footage of some of the "real stars" he wrestled over the past decade.

So, if you missed WWE programming this week, the final segment of Raw saw the contract signing for the Hell in a Cell main event match on Sunday. What a segment it was. Triple H did Randy Orton's promo for him, Shawn Michaels did Daniel Bryan's promo for him, and Big Show did a drive-by challenge of Triple H. What do Triple H, Shawn Michaels and Big Show have in common? None of them are wrestling this Sunday night in Miami.

By the way, if you're looking for a REAL second screen experience for tomorrow night, you need to subscribe to the PWTorch public list on Twitter. It's here at http://twitter.com/pwtorch/torch-staff That's the place to be online when a major pro wrestling show is going down.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on October 25, 1993, WWF presented Monday Night Raw via tape delay from Poughkeepsie, New York. The main event was a battle of fan favorites, as Marty Jannetty faced Sean "1-2-3 Kid" Waltman. Vince McMahon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan have the call.



Did you catch this week's episode of WWE Superstars? No? Don't sweat it. Here is the program, taped earlier this week in Memphis, leading off with Justin Gabriel locking up with Fandango. Tom Phillips & Alex Riley have the call.


WWE Superstars by Anonymous

What was happening in World Wrestling Entertainment fifteen years ago? I'm glad you asked! On October 18, 1998, the World Wrestling Federation returned to suburban Chicago for "WWE Judgment Day 1998." The show opened with Al Snow battling Marvelous Marc Mero. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler had the call.



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing tomorrow. Hopefully, they don't let the Cuban sandwiches affect their performance. On with the program!

We don't have a pre-show match due to an injury to Curtis Axel. I vote Big E. Langston gets a win on the preshow against, say, Jinder Mahal.

WWE may offer an additional match on the pay-per-view. Based on recent live event results, I'm guessing The Wyatt Family picks up another tag team victory over the Prime Time Players.

A.J. Lee vs. Brie Bella (WWE Divas Title): Again? Yes, again. Projection? I vote that Nikki Bella tries to help her sister, but Tamina joins in and A.J. knocks Brie into Nikki, and then submits Brie with the octopus hold? Why? Because this show is entirely a setup for the main event, and we don't want too many distractions along the way.

Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns vs. Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso (WWE World Tag Team Titles - Triple Threat Match): Dusty Rhodes is barred from appearing on WWE television for, you know, being too effective in his role. But the Uso Brothers are there. Projection? The Usos block Ambrose from interfering and Cody catches Rollins with the Beautiful Disaster to keep the WWE Tag Team Titles in the family. For now, anyway.

C.M. Punk vs. Ryback & Paul Heyman (Hell In A Cell Handicap Match): Paul Heyman obviously needs some sort of fiendish plan to avoid getting killed by C.M. Punk. And, from the look of it, Curtis Axel is injured and not part of that plan. Projection? Keep it simple. Heyman pays off Damien Sandow, and Sandow is hiding under the ring to make it three-on-one. Ryback (finally) pins Punk with the Shell Shock. Big E. Langston rips the door off the cell and saves Punk before Team Heyman can do any more damage to the Straight Edge Supahstar.

Los Matadores (w/ El Torito) vs. Real Americans (w/ Uncle Zeb Colter): Normally, you wouldn't have your new tag team lose in their first pay-per-view match. But in this case, it just doesn't matter. Projection? Cesaro pins Diego after a giant swing. Torita gets to gore Uncle Zeb after the bout.

Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena (Smackdown World Title): This is John Cena's return to the ring after a major injury, so John Cena shouldn't lose. Right? Projection? Del Rio refuses to break the flying armbar, even though Cena is in the ropes. Cena wins by disqualification, Del Rio keeps the title, and we pick things up in four weeks.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan (WWE Heavyweight Title - Hell In A Cell - Shawn Michaels is your Special Guest Referee): At the risk of conjuring up another dead WWE pay-per-view concept, we have all about reached our breaking point with this Randy Orton - Daniel Bryan feud. Projection? It's time to actually do what's best for business. Shawn Michaels calls the match right down the middle. Bryan has Orton in trouble when The Shield heads to ringside. Big Show comes in to fight off The Shield, and Bryan surprises Orton with the running knee for the pin and the title change. WWE needs winners, you know.

Aftermath: The next pay-per-view is next month's WWE Survivor Series. I'll go out on a limb and predict we'll see Big Show against Triple H on November 24th in Boston. There may be other matches on the show.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. Pat would take Green Bay and give the points tonight against Minnesota on Sunday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal.


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