By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

There's issues at hand that we're not discussing.
I did not sign up for this.
- "Too Much" by Drake

Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our quarterly TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Eric Bischoff, Dave "I Want Wrestling" Lagana or anybody else in Carter Country. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. No TNA employees have been harmed in the writing of this column. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of Werther's Butterscotch Candies, classic chewy butterscotch treats that will swamp your tastebuds with sweet sensations. Pat McNeill's wardrobe provided by Destination XL. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had control over Total Nonstop Action, unless it's not funny enough.

Our subscribers will recall that I wrote a column last month in the PWTorch Newsletter making the case for TNA Wrestling to stop taking Impact tapings on the road. You know, because they were spending more money per taping than Spike TV pays them per episode. While I wasn't the only person to suggest that change, I'll gladly be the first person to take credit for TNA bringing the Impact Zone back to Orlando. By the way, who was in the room advising Dixie Carter to stay the course? Did Jay Hassman get hired by Panda Energy on a work release deal?

Anyway, the big story going into tomorrow night's shindig is that TNA President Dixie Carter is now playing a heel character on television. And, if she's as effective a heel owner as she has been at everything else she's tried, the good guys are going to run the table at "Bound For Glory."

More on Bound for Glory later. Let's go on to this week's Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on October 24, 1993, World Championship Wrestling held "WCW Halloween Havoc 1993" at the Lakefront Arena in New Orleans. The show opened with a six-man tag team battle as Ice Train, Charlie Norris & The Shockmaster faced The Equalizer & Harlem Heat. Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura had the call.





Here's the main event of last week's episode of TNA Xplosion, and it features wrestlers who will be part of Sunday's card (or at least part of the preshow.) We take you to Little Rock, Arkansas where TNA World Tag Team Champion James Storm took on Robbie E of the BroMans. Jeremy Borash and Mike Tenay are on commentary.



Ten years ago, it was NWA-TNA holding it's 67th(!) weekly pay-per-view. It was a little like "Bound For Glory," in that all the titles were on the line. That show opened up with a big six-man tag, as Sonny Siaki, Joe Legend & the late Eddie "Ekmo" Fatu wrestle the group of "Road Dogg" B.G. James, "R-Truth" Ron Killings & Konnan, the 3 Live Kru. Mike Tenay and Don West had the call.



TNA Bound For Glory will be recorded in front of a live studio audience.

Chavo Guerrero & Shawn Hernandez vs. Joseph Park & Eric Young vs. The BroMans vs. Bad Influence (Preshow Gauntlet Match): Wow. We get this for free? Such a deal. Projection? If anyone other than Bad Influence wins this match, the bookers should be fired on the spot. Bad Influence draws the last spot, escapes with a win over Chavo & Hernandez.

Ethan Carter III is coming to Bound for Glory: Does TNA have any jobbers left on the roster? I mean, someone who TNA is actually attempting to book as a jobber? Oh, never mind. Projection? Send Mike Posey a ticket to San Diego, let Carter destroy him in a short match.

O.D.B. vs. Brooke Tessmacher vs. Gail Kim (Knockouts Title): The big question in this match is "How long will it take until Lei'D Tapa interferes. Projection? Tapa comes out and destroys Brooke Tessmacher. O.D.B. uses the distraction to smother Gail Kim with her giant breasts and retain her title.

Manik vs. Austin Aries vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Samoa Joe (TNA X Division Title - Ultimate X Match): Isn't this, you know, the exact same f---ing match they did four months ago at Slammiversary? Oh, wait, this month's Ultimate X match has FIVE people in it. My bad. Projection? The real question is whether Joe will try to show off his skills on the massive X, or whether he'll go after some low-hanging cruiserweights instead. Because Jeff Hardy is winning this match.

James Storm & Gunner Steele vs. Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian (TNA World Tag Team Titles): Were I in San Diego, I'd hold up a sign that says "If Daniels & Kazarian aren't in this match, we riot." Unfortunately, there won't be enough people in the arena to start an actual riot. Projection? Bobby Roode runs in and knocks out Storm with his own beer bottle. Daniels pins Storm and Bad Influence leaves with the TNA World Tag Team Titles.

Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode: 2011 called. It wants to know if you're sorry you listened to Hulk Hogan two years ago when he told you to change the finish to this match. Projection? Bad Influence tries to interfere, and gets run off by Storm & Gunner. Angle beats Roode with the Angle Slam to cap off his Hall of Fame weekend.

Sting vs. Magnus: What's the point of this match? If the point for Magnus to snap and turn evil, I think it's high time he got to it. Projection? Magnus gets frustrated at his inability to finish off the Stinger, gives his opponent a low blow while the referee is distracted, and scores a tainted victory.

Bully Ray vs. A.J. Styles (TNA World Heavyweight Title - No Disqualification): If I was running this promotion and I spent an (expletive delete) year setting up A.J. Styles to regain the title at Bound For Glory, you can be (expletive deleted) sure A.J. Styles wins the title at Bound For Glory. But your mileage may vary. Projection? Knux and Garret walk out on Bully, and Styles wins when Calfzilla taps to the Calf Killer. We have a new champion. At least until Thursday, when Jeff Jarrett take over the tapings, dismantle the Impact set, and ship it back to Florida.

Aftermath: You're tuning in on November 1st to watch the big (pretaped) TNA Tournament of Champions pay-per-view, right? It's Austin Aries, Bobby Roode, Bully Ray, James Storm, Jeff Hardy, Ken Anderson, Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe & Sting squaring off in a one-night single elimination tournament. Enjoy.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. You can e-mail him patmcneill@live.com. He'd take the Colts to upset the Broncos on Sunday Night Football, but his picks aren't going well this weekend.

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