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MCNEILL'S TAKE
Fight The Power: McNEILL Previews Night of Champions 2013!

Sep 15, 2013 - 6:05:41 PM
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By Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Just Ribbing" Levesque, "Best Supporting Actress" Stephanie McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bats--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive the new 22 volume World Book Encyclopedia, including research guide and index volume. Easy to use, easy to read. Furnished by World Book Pat McNeill's wardrobe is furnished by Rick Pallack. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the part where he sends Triple H and Stephanie home to raise their daughters.

The big story of the week is the forced retirement of Jim Ross after twenty years (more or less) with World Wrestling Entertainment. You see, Jim Ross was hosting a panel of legendary wrestlers at a 2K Sports event promoting the upcoming WWE '14 video game, and Ric Flair hijacked the proceedings and started talking about the death of his son Reid, and what a great friend Stephanie's husband had been while Flair was dealing with his loss. Somehow, this upset Ms. McMahon-Levesque, and it was all Jim Ross's fault.

Which leads to a question. How exactly do you explain WWE's First World problems to someone who doesn't follow pro wrestling? Don't get me started on TNA or any other minor promotions. They all have their own issues.

By the way, if you're looking for a REAL second screen experience for tomorrow night, you need to subscribe to the PWTorch public list on Twitter. [url]http://twitter.com/pwtorch/torch-staff[/url] That's the place to be online when a major pro wrestling show is going down.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on September 13th, 1993, WWF Raw took place at the Manhattan Center in New York City. Your main event featured Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner defending the WWF World Tag Team Titles against the Quebecers, Jacques Rougeau & Pierre Oulette, in a match where the countout and disqualification rules had been waived. Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan and the late Randy Savage had the call.



Did you get to see WWE Main Event this week? No? Don't sweat it. Here's the whole show, kicking off a battle of former United States Champions, as Kofi Kingston faced Antonio Cesaro. Josh Mathews & The Miz had the call.



What was happening in the WWF fifteen years ago? I'm glad you asked! On September 27, 1998, the World Wrestling Federation hit the Copps Coliseum in Hamilton, Ontario for their monthly pay-per-view, "WWF In Your House: Breakdown." But before that, we had a full hour of "WWF Sunday Night Heat" to preview the entire show. Sunday Night Heat had an interesting main event, with Matt Hardy & Jeff Hardy battling Mens Teioh & Sho Funaki of Kaientai. Your announcers were the even more interesting duo of Shane McMahon and Jim Cornette. Really.



And, from the "WWF In Your House: Breakdown" show itself, here's Al Snow & Too Cold Scorpio against Scott "Too Hot" Taylor & "Too Sexy" Brian Christopher.



Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing this Sunday. I can't promise they'll be watching NFL football on the monitors, like Mike Tenay & Taz did on TNA Impact. On with the program!

Tons of Funk (w/ The Funkadactyls) vs. Prime Time Players vs. The Real Americans (w/ Zeb Coulter) vs. 3MB (w/ Drew McIntyre) vs. The Usos (Tag Team Turmoil Match): This is your preshow match on WWE.com and various other sites. A decent gauntlet tag team match should probably take up most of the allotted thirty minutes. Projection? The Usos kick things off by beating Tons of Funk. The Real Americans use skullduggery to defeat the Usos. The Primetime Players defeat the Real Americans, and then beat 3MB to capture the tag team title sheet. A happy ending to the preshow.

Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns defend the WWE World Tag Team Titles: And yes, in this scenario, they're facing the Primetime Players. Projection? This rivalry is just getting started, so there has to be a reason to continue it. Dean Ambrose makes his way to the ring and interferes, allowing Reigns to spear Titus O'Neil for a tainted victory. This segues, ECW style, into our next match.

Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler (WWE United States Title): Sure, Mr. Ziggles has some sort of heat with the front office. But WWE has done a beautiful job of setting Dolph up as a midcarder who's trying to fight the tyranny of McMahon-Helmsley Regime II: The Empire Strikes Back. Projection? Darren and Titus keep Reigns and Rollins from getting involved, and Dean Ambrose gets zigzagged. We have a NEW United States Champion. At least until Raw on Monday Night.

A.J. Lee vs. Brie Bella vs. Natalya Neidhart vs. Naomi Knight (WWE Divas Title): A.J. got her verbal shots in at the gals from "Total Divas," and there's hell to pay. The only problem is, how will the three challengers get along? Projection? The Divas can't get along. Naomi and Brie are off brawling. A.J. goes for her submission hold, but Natalya cradles A.J. for the pin, and we have a new Divas champion. Why not? A.J. isn't part of the ruling regime, and Natalya gets her due for a little while.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Rob Van Dam (Smackdown World Title): Without Ricardo Rodriguez is his corner, is Rob Van Dam any match for El Patron? I'm going with "No." Projection? Van Dam comes close, then eats a couple of stiff kicks to the head and Del Rio gets the pin. Dude.

C.M. Punk vs. Curtis Axel & Paul Heyman (Handicap Elimination Match): So, how can you make sure that C.M. Punk doesn't have the best match of the night? This should do it. Projection? Neither Axel nor Heyman has been portrayed as enough of a physical threat to damage the Second City Superstar, so this match needs something extra. Punk pins Axel with the Go To Sleep, and just does manage to get his mitts on Heyman when Paul E. gives Punk a dose of pepper spray between the eyes. Before Punk can recover, he gets clobbered by Heyman's newest client, Mr. Big E. Langston. Punk "wins" by DQ, but we'll still want to see Punk knock the former ECW boss out.

Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan (WWE Heavyweight Title): The current storyline, with Orton as champion, and the McMahon family unified behind him, has lasted for what, less than a month? Yeah, it's too soon. Too soon for Daniel Bryan to recapture the WWE title. The question is, how do you keep Daniel Bryan from the title without making him look bad? Projection? At the start of the show, Triple H names Raw general manager Brad Maddox as the special referee for this bout. The match starts with Maddox subtly showing favor to Orton. Bryan goes for the running knee on Orton, but Orton moves and Maddox gets knocked out. A second referee comes out. Bryan catches Orton with a small package and gets the pin. Bryan is in mid-celebration when a revived Maddox overrules the second referee and disqualifies Bryan for striking an official. Randy Orton is your winner.

That's right, Dusty Rhodes will be on Raw Monday night, and we're doing the Dusty Finish the night before. It's not a parody, it's a tribute.

Aftermath: Why go through all this? Because we have another pay-per-view in three weeks! It'll be Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan in a two out of three falls match, and C.M. Punk vs. Big E. Langston at "WWE Battleground" on October 6th.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. Pat would take Seattle over San Francisco on Sunday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal.


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