By Pat McNeill, PWTorch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Tiny Office" Levesque, Stephanie "Twitter Mom" McMahon Levesque and WWE President Bats--- Crazy Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive the Record-A-Call 80 automatic telephone answering system. Voice actuated, with a remote control that plays back your message from anywhere in the world. The stars have been briefed to help with the bluffs, but they are hearing the actual questions for the first time. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, unless it's not funny enough.

The big story this weekend is that World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler has been sidelined with a career-threatening concussion. This means that the almost-anticipated three-way ladder match for the title is cancelled. It also means WWE is taking its Wellness Policy seriously. Maybe they don't want any deaths or serious injuries on their watch.

By the way, if you're looking for a REAL second screen experience for WWE Raw, you need to be our the PWTorch public list on Twitter. http://twitter.com/pwtorch/torch-staff That's the place to be online when a major pro wrestling show is going down.

Before we get down to business, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson, because that's why many of you clicked here in the first place. Twenty years ago, on May 17, 1993, WWE Raw took place at the Manhattan Center in New York City. Vince McMahon, Bobby Heenan and the late Randy Savage had the call. And what a featured bout we have, as Kamala battles the late Yokozuna. Plus, there are some future PWTorch Livecast guests on the card.



Did you get to see WWE Friday Night Smackdown? No? Don't sweat it. Here's your main event, with Sheamus, Randy Orton & Alberto Del Rio against Jack Swagger, Big Show & Mark Henry. Michael Cole, Josh Mathews & John Layfield had the call.



What was happening in the WWF fifteen years ago? I'm glad you asked! On May 31, 1998, the World Wrestling Federation rolled into Milwaukee, Wisconsin for the "Over The Edge" pay-per-view. What better way to open a major pay-per-view than to have Skull & 8-Ball of the D.O.A. taking on Hawk and Animal, the Legion of Doom? Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler have the call.


WWF In your house 22 over the edge full show... by AttitudeEraVideos

Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing this show. On with the projections!

The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes: This is your preshow match on WWE.com. Say, remember when these two used to be featured on WWE television? Projection? Yeah, you might as well have Miz win with the Skull Crushing Finale. Then have Christian show up on Raw and destroy Miz.

Kofi Kingston vs. Dean Ambrose (WWE United States Title): How do we know that WrestleMania season is over? Because there's a US Title match on pay-per-view. That's how we know. Projection? Kingston gets distracted by Reigns outside the ring, and Ambrose hits the Midnight Special to capture the United States title. This won't hurt Kingston much, and it could lead to increased prestige for the United States title. (Okay, that lost part probably won't happen.)

Chris Jericho vs. Fandango: And they danced. Like a wave on the ocean of romance. Or something like that. Projection? Jericho survives and hits Fandango with the Codebreaker. This feud will continue for another month or so.

Daniel Bryan & Kane vs. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns w/ Dean Ambrose (WWE World Tag Team Titles - Tornado Match): Believe it or not, Daniel Bryan and Kane have held the tag titles for eight months now. It's about time for a change. Projection? Kane fights Roman and Ambrose outside the ring, and Seth pins Bryan with a handful of tights. Yeah, a good five minutes of Bryan and Seth Rollins going at it would be like crack for serious wrestling fans.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry (Strap Match): I don't know about you, but I haven't enjoyed seeing that mean ol' Sheamus bullying that nice Mark Henry. Be a star, Sheamus. Projection? Sheamus knocks the World Strongest Man around for a while, but Henry catches Sheamus with the World's Strongest Slam. I think we've gotten as much juice as we can out of this feud.

Randy Orton vs. Big Show (Extreme Rules Match): So you're asking yourself if there are any main event guys in WWE who are as stale as Randy Orton. I can think of one. Fortunately for Orton, that's the guys he's wrestling. Projection? We get weapons, we get more weapons, and then Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere to get the victory. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger w/ Uncle Beardface (I Quit Match): This is the sort of extreme stipulation match you only get after months of intense hatred between two men, while it would be humiliating for either man to say uncle to his hated rival. Or, you can book it on the fly when your champion is injured. Projection? Del Rio wins the flying armbar. Swagger yields, then heads off into a lengthy feud with Alex Riley or somebody like that.

Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman (Steel Cage Match): On Raw, we saw Triple H and Brock Lesnar brawl inside the steel cage. The brawl continued until Triple H knocked Lesnar out of the cage to the floor. So, wasn't that a steel cage match? And didn't Brock Lesnar (technically) win that match? Projection? Triple H puts up the good fight, but Lesnar breaks him, knocks him out, and then walks out of the cage. Brock and Triple H drew money in their first match, nine months ago. Let this end.

John Cena vs. Ryback (WWE Title): Ryback has lost numerous major bouts, including a clean loss to Mark Henry back at WrestleMania. Who better to get this major WWE title shot against John Cena. Projection? Cena survives the worst Ryback can throw at him, and wins with the Attitude Adjustment. Ryback needs to actually win some feuds and improve his credibility before he gets another crack at Big John and the Cenation.

Aftermath: On Monday Night Raw, let's change partners and dance. Mark Henry becomes the new challenger for John Cena's WWE title, and Ryback returns to Smackdown to threaten Dolph Ziggler for the World Title (or Alberto Del Rio, if Ziggler is unable to go.)

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. Tune in to PWTorchLivecast.com this Wednesday, when Pat and guest star Hurricane Helms will be taking your calls.

We suggest these recent related articles...

McNEILL's Late Night Deadblog - WWE Night of Champions: Bucklebombs, Light-up Jackets, Poachers, IcoPro, Eddie, more!

Night of Gold: McNEILL Previews Night Of Champions 2015 (w/Wrestling History Lesson)

Double Duty: McNEILL previews ROH's All-Star Extravaganza VII pay-per-view!