MCNEILL'S TAKE Resolution #9: McNEILL previews TNA Final Resolution 2012!
Dec 9, 2012 - 5:33:56 PM
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By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Eric Bischoff, Brother Love, Dave "I Want Wrestling" Lagana or anybody else in Carter Country. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. No TNA employees have been harmed in the writing of this column. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Golden Dipt Chicken Seasoned Coating Mix. Whether baked or fried, you get crispy, tasty chicken. And remember, if you come within $100 of the actual retail price of your showcase, you win both showcases. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had control over Total Nonstop Action, unless it's not funny enough.
The big news of the week in TNA is welcome news. The first important item is that TNA will go to ten pay-per-views per year in 2013, allowing the promotion to give Lockdown and Bound For Glory two months worth of buildup each. TNA doesn't make as much money off of its B-shows, and we could all use the break. The second important item is the resigning of Velvet Sky and Eric Young. Maybe TNA will actually do something with its Mixed Tag Team Champions of the World. Not that I'm holding my breath.
More on tonight's event later. Let's go on to this week's Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on December 28, 1992, World Championship Wrestling held its annual Starrcade pay-per-view at The Omni in Atlanta, Georgia. And on this show, Ron Simmons defended the WCW Heavyweight Title against the late Steve "Dr. Death" Williams. For the call of the action, let's go to Jim Ross and Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
Here's the main event of last week's episode of TNA Xplosion, and it's a big one. Samoa Joe takes on Kid Kash in a big singles match. Jeremy Borash and Todd Keneley are on commentary.
Five years ago, at TNA's Genesis 2007, our opening match was Abyss facing Black Reign in a Shop Of Horrors Match. This actually happened. Mike Tenay and Don West have the call.
On with the projections!
It is possible an eighth match will be added to the lineup. If so, my money is on Frankie Kazarian defeating Sam Shaw.
Tara Varon vs. Mickie James (TNA Knockouts Title): Mickie James has returned following surgery, and TNA is putting her back into the mix. It makes sense. Mickie and Tara have worked with each other before, so you can expect some very competent battles at the top of the Knockouts division. Projection? Jesse Pectacular hits a big boot on Mickie when referee Earl Hebner is distracted by a hot woman in the third row, or his twin brother, or Bret Hart or something and Victoria hits the Widow's Peak to keep the title.
Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez vs. Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan (TNA World Tag Team Championships): No, I still don't understand why Daniels and Kazarian aren't World Tag Team Champions of the World, but I did appreciate their throwback Zubaz outfits on Impact. Ryan and Morgan are an interesting duo, but they're a little less interesting once you understand that Morgan's feud with Hulk Hogan is leading nowhere. Projection? Hernandez gives Morgan the lawn dart treatment and Chavo hits the frog splash to beat Ryan. Thank you, please drive through.
Rob Van Dam vs. Kenny King (TNA X Division Title): We have a Kenny King sighting. The former Kenny, King of Africa is back in the Impact Zone, and looking for championship gold against Rob Van Dam, who will reportedly be vacationing in Tacoma, Washington for the next eighteen months or so. Projection? Kenny can't hit the Coronation, but Van Dam can get the Rolling Thunder on King. At that point, it's time for snacks.
Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, Wes Briscoe & Garret Bischoff vs. Sgt. Devon, Doc Hankinson, Mr. Aces & Mr. Eights: The development on Thursday is that the masked bikers had a gaggle of hot women with them. Maybe it's part of their recruiting drive. Everyone has figured out that Wes Briscoe is supposed to be part of Aces and Eights, but nobody cares yet. Projection? Garret Bischoff turns on TNA and helps Devon pin Samoa Joe again. This move forwards the storyline, but leaves TNA something to do for the next couple of months.
Bully Ray vs. Austin Aries: It's the battle for the honor of Brooke Hogan. Boy, I can't believe I actually had to type that sentence. Projection? Hulk Hogan hobbles to ringside and keeps Aries from using a chair on Bully. Then, upon realizing his daughter s dating Bully Ray, Hogan limps back to his office and calls the suicide prevention hotline. Oh, Aries wins with the Bully Bomb too.
A.J. Styles vs. Christopher Daniels: This is supposed to be the final match between Styles and Daniels. See if you can't get that one in writing. Projection? Kazarian's helping Daniels, so James Storm comes out to help A.J. And Storm's assistance backfires and Daniels wins. Styles snaps and turns on Storm after the match.
Jeff Hardy vs. Robert Roode (TNA World Heavyweight Title): There's nothing wrong with a Hardy-Roode match. In fact, it should be a good one. But there's no momentum for another Robet Roode title reign. Projection? Roode falls to the Twist of Fate, and the Chrismatic, Telepathic Enigma starts the new year as TNA Heavyweight Champion.
Aftermath: Next month is TNA Genesis 2013. Let's go with Storm vs. Styles, Hardy vs. Daniels, and Samoa Joe teaming up with Kurt Angle against Sgt. Devon & Lt. Garret Bischoff.
*** Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He'd take Green Bay to beat Detroit on Sunday Night Football. You know, if gambling were legal. Contact him at email@example.com
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