MCNEILL'S TAKE It's Now Or Never: McNEILL Previews WWE Survivor Series 2012!
Nov 18, 2012 - 3:52:15 PM
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By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist
You think of a dawning of a new era...And a new era is what this once proud and profitable company sorely needs. What was once a captivating and trendsetting program has now deteriorated into a cliched, let's be honest, BORING snoozefest that is in dire need of a knight in shining armor. And that's why I'm here...Now, let's go over the facts. Television ratings? Downward spiral. Pay-per-view buyrates? Plummeting. Mainstream acceptance? Nonexistent. And reactions of the live crowds? Complete and utter silence.
And I know why you're silent. You're silent because you're embarrassed to be here. And quite honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. And the reason why you're embarrassed is because of the steady stream of uninteresting, untalented, mediocre "sports entertainers" who you're forced to cheer for and care for. No wonder you're not cheering!
Chris Jericho, August 3, 1999 - WWF Raw
I'm just sayin'...
Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of Paul "Haircut" Levesque, Stephanie McMahon Levesque and WWE President "Cranky" Vince McMahon. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a gift certificate from the world famous Spiegel catalog. It's the ideal resource for the woman who knows that Spiegel means style. Spiegel, Chicago, Illinois, 60609. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, unless it's not funny enough.
After a false start, WWE put together a big triple threat main event for Sunday night's show, using the top three stars from Raw. This is the fourth time the WWE/WWF Title has been defended in a triple threat match at Survivor Series. But this is the first time there's been a triple threat match for the WWE/WWF Title at Survivor Series without Triple H in it. Let's see if Michael Cole feeds us that statistic during the program. This is only the fifth straight year John Cena's been part of the Survivor Series main event. It only seems longer than that. (And yes, I'm going to count 2010, when Cena was the special referee for the main event.)
Before we continue the discussion, let's get to this month's edition of the Wrestling History Lesson. Enjoy these while you can, because WWE has a quick trigger finger when it comes to pulling YouTube accounts these days. Twenty years ago, on November 25, 1992, the World Wrestling Federation brought the 1992 Survivor Series to the Richfield Coliseum in Cleveland, Ohio. Your opening match saw the team of High Energy, Koko B. Ware and the late Owen Hart, against The Headshrinkers, Fatu & Samu, managed by Afa the Wild Samoan. Vince McMahon and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan had the call.
Did you get the see this week's WWE NXT? No? Well, here's some classic Divas action, as Layla El battles Aksana Raudonienė inside the NXT Arena.
What was the main event of WWE Raw fifteen years ago? I'm so glad you asked! From November 17th, 1997 (taped in Cornwall, Ontario) we have a big one-on-one contest between "The Rock" Rocky Maivia and one of the Three Faces of Foley, Dude Love. Your announcers are Jim Ross and Jim Cornette.
Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler and John B. Layfield will probably be announcing this show. On with the projections!
There are six matches scheduled for Indianapolis. I'm guessing we'll have a seventh match added, with Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara pulling out a victory over The Prime Time Players. Also, Santino Marella and Zack Ryder aren't booked for a match, freeing them up for whatever gooftastic comedy WWE has on its agenda.
Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd vs. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal: This match is on the free YouTube preshow in order to hook the fans into ordering the pay-per-view. Our condolences go out to Drew McIntyre and his family, as Drew will not be at ringside with his 3MB teammates due to the passing of his mother. Projection? Gabriel catches his former partner with the 450 splash, and 3MB goes down to defeat again, some more.
Eve Torres vs. Kaitlyn Bonin (WWE Divas Title): Look, it's nothing personal, but there has to be some sort of minimum standard for holding a title in WWE, even if its the Divas title. Projection? There's only one way to go here. Eve hits Kaitlyn with the Heart Breaker in order to retain her championship.
Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth (WWE United States Title): For the past two months, Cesaro has been consistently entertaining and has had some good matches. R-Truth is a talented wrestler, but his act is stale, and has been for about a year. So, yes, I fully expect Cesaro to drop the title to R-Truth tomorrow. But that's not what I'd do. Projection? Cesaro gets away with a Greco-Roman kick to the doodads while the referee is looking at something shiny, and the US Title stays with Antonio. At least until to the All-American American returns as a fan favorite.
Randy Orton, The Miz, Kane, Daniel Bryan & Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler, Damien Sandow, Cody Rhodes, Alberto Del Rio & Wade Barrett (Elimination Match): If Cody Rhodes doesn't get activated for Sunday Night, I'll take Jack Swagger as his replacement. WWE.com is teasing Tensai as a possible substitute, which means it won't be him. The Daniel Bryan-Kane-Miz storyline calls for some light comedy, but WWE doesn't know how to do that, so the tag team champs need to make the best of the situation. Projection? Bryan pins Rhodes, Sandow pins Bryan, Kane pins Sandow, Barrett and Kane fight to a double countout, Del Rio pins Kofi, Orton pins Del Rio, Ziggler pins Miz and Orton beats Ziggler with the RKO to be the sole survivor. Randy pretty much has that Survivor Series elimination match thing down to a science by now.
Big Show vs. Sheamus (WWE Smackdown Title): Show and Sheamus had a surprisingly good match last month. In fact, it was so good that I have no idea how they'll top it. Projection? Show has Sheamus in trouble, but the Pallid Pugilist battles back, hits the Brogue Kick, hits White Noise, and then gets clocked over the head by Dolph Ziggler and his magic briefcase. Big Show is disqualified. Dolph gives Show a couple of briefcase shots, hands the case to the official, and captures the Smackdown title. At least WWE remembered not to tease Dolph cashing in this month, so fans will be surprised when this happens. Except for those of you reading this article. Be a pal and don't spoil it for everyone else, okay?
C.M. Punk vs. John Cena vs. Ryback (WWE Heavyweight Title - Triple Threat Match): Last month, in order to beat Ryback, C.M. Punk needed a crooked referee, a low blow and a fast count. So, assuming Ryback has any momentum left, how do you put him down this month? Because if the plan is to have Brad Maddox run in and hit Ryback in the nuts again, that probably won't go over too well. Projection? Somehow, Punk and Heyman arrange to have this be a no-disqualification match, and a huge masked man, who may or may not be Brock Lesnar, comes down to ringside and fights with Ryback, allowing Punk to hit Cena with the Go To Sleep and retain the title.
Aftermath: The next pay-per-view is "TLC," which does not stand for "Totally Lame Concept." Figure on C.M Punk defending the WWE Title against Ryback in a Tables Match, Dolph Ziggler fighting John Cena in a TLC match and Sheamus taking on Big Show in a Chairs match.
*** Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He'd take Oregon to beat Stanford Saturday night in college football. You know, if gambling were legal.
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