By Pat McNeill, PWTorch columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA Wrestling pay-per-view preview column!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Eric Bischoff, Brother Love, Dave "I Want Wrestling" Lagana or anybody else in Carter Country. Projections are not predictions, because this is the column where everything's made up and the points don't matter. No TNA employees have been harmed in the writing of this column. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. A member of our studio audience will receive Arabia of Finland's versatile stoneware. Safe for dishwasher, refrigerator or oven, even microwave ovwns. A Scandinavian design that's practical as well as beautiful. Furnished by Arabia of Finland. And remember, if you come within $100 of the actual retail price of your showcase, you win both showcases. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had control over Total Nonstop Action, unless it's not funny enough.

On the bright side, Total Nonstop Action has put some thought into this month's card, so that it feels like a bit more than your normal B-show. And let's take a look at the weekly ratings for TNA Impact on Spike TV, without breaking it down to hundredths of rating points.

October 4: 0.8
October 11: 0.9
October 18: 1.0
October 25: 1.0
November 1: 1.0
November 8: 1.0

So, it seems like the live episodes of Impact are gaining traction. Or, at the very least, TNA isn't losing viewers.

Now here's the bad news. Thursday night was the last live episode for a little while. Oh, well.

We'll get back to that later. Let's go on to this week's Wrestling History Lesson. Twenty years ago, on November 18, 1992, World Championship Wrestling presented "Clash of the Champions XXI" at the Macon Coliseum in Macon, Georgia. One of the big matches on this show saw Johnny B. Badd take on Scotty Flamingo in a boxing match. No, really. For the call of the action, let's go to Jim Ross, Jesse "The Body" Ventura and backstage interviewer Tony Schiavone.


Johnny B. Badd vs. Scotty Flamingo by TSteck160

Here's the main event of last week's episode of TNA Xplosion, and it's a big one. "The Phenomenal" A.J. Styles steps in the ring against Robbie T. Jeremy Borash and Todd Keneley are on commentary.



Five years ago, at TNA's Bound For Glory 2007, our opening match was Jay Lethal & The Motor City Machine Guns against Team 3-D & Johnny Devine in a tables match.




On with the projections!

Joseph Park vs. Doc Hankinson: Here's a serious question for aspiring TNA wrestlers. On Thursday night, we all saw Christian York impress the three judges enough to earn a TNA contract (even though he had already wrestled for TNA, years ago.) But Doc Hankinson never had to go through a Gut Check, and there he was beating the crap out of Sting. So, instead of going through the Gut Check to join TNA, why don't these guys join Aces and Eights? It would save a lot of hassle.Projection? Joseph Park takes a beating. Bully Ray comes out and distracts Doc. Abyss emerges from under the ring, beats the urine out of Doc, goes back under the ring, and Park returns to get the victory. It may not be very realistic, but it's a little bit better than whacking Sting a dozen times with a ball-peen hammer.

O.D.B. & Eric Young vs. Tara Varon & Jesse Godderz (Non-Title): Yes, it really looks like Eric Young is not going to come to terms with Total Nonstop Action on a new contract. No, I don't think TNA really cares what happens to the Knockouts Tag Team Titles. Projection? Eric acts goofy. Jesse hits the first offensive move of his TNA career, and the Hollywood Sweethearts beat the Young Family. Eric disappears from TNA television and is never mentioned again, much like Richie Cunningham's older brother Chuck on Happy Days. Or Poochie.

Rob Van Dam vs. Joey Ryan (TNA X Division Title): The man who's bringing sleazy back already has a non-title victory over RVD, while the company is doing a slow build toward a Matt Morgan vs. Hulk Hogan match that (hopefully) will never happen. Projection? Morgan interferes and Ryan is on his way to becoming the new X Division champion, until he is waylaid by a masked individual who looks suspiciously like Shinobi the Oriental Assassin. One Rolling Thunder later, Van Dam retains the X Division Title. I'll leave the fallout to your imaginations.

Kurt Angle vs. Sgt. Devon: It's a good thing Brother Devon was unmasked at Bound For Glory. Without Devon, TNA wouldn't have had a month's work of main events for Impact. Projection? Aces and Eights runs in and helps Devon beat Kurt with a spinebuster. Team TNA hits the ring and fights off the bad guys, ripping the mask off of...Wes Briscoe! Yeah, I think the reveal of anyone better known than Wes Briscoe will take place on Impact.

Samoa Joe vs. Magnus (TNA Television Title - No Disqualification): Last month, Joe picked up a disqualification victory when Magnus was frustrated over his inability to put the Samoan Submission Machine away. It might be time for a change. Projection? Magnus busts Joe's shoulder by ramming him into the ringpost, and wins the title with the Tormentum.

Chavo Guerrero & Shawn Hernandez vs. Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian (TNA World Tag Team Titles): The TNA Tag Team Division doesn't quite feel right now that Daniels and Kazarian are no longer the World Tag Team Champions of the World. Projection? As sad as this might be for some, you have to have a certain amount of stability with your major titles. Chavo hits the frog splash on Kazarian and the titles stay with Team Tex-Mex.

A.J. Styles vs. James Storm vs. Bobby Roode (Triple Threat Match): We have a rematch from "Bound For Glory." Sort of. Take last month's blood-and-guts battle, eliminate the blood and guts, and throw in A.J. Styles. Plus the stipulation that the winner gets a World Title shot, and the loser of the fall is shut out of the title picture for eleven months. Projection? Roode and Storm both need to be in the World Title picture to stay relevant. A.J. Styles doesn't. Storm hits the Last Call on Styles and Roode steals the pin.

Jeff Hardy vs. Austin Aries (TNA World Heavyweight Title - Ladder Match): Last month's title match between these two was very good. Since ladder matches are one of Hardy's specialties, you'd expect something every bit as good this month. Projection? Look, you don't put a title on your most popular wrestler on your biggest pay-per-view of the year so he can turn around and lose it the next month. Aries and Hardy trade punches at the top of the ladder, and the Charismatic Enigma comes out on top.

Aftermath: Next month is Final Resolution. Let's go with Hardy vs. Roode, Styles vs. Storm and Kurt Angle vs. Wes Briscoe.

***
Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He predicts Kansas State will outlast TCU in tonight's big college football game. Contact him at patmcneill@live.com

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