By Pat McNeill, Torch Columnist

Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for our exclusive WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are based on what the columnist would do if he were booking this event, instead of the World Non-Wrestling Entertainment Creative Club. Projections are not predictions, because anything can happen in WWE, even with The Game, Brian Gewirtz and WWE chairman Verne Gagne running the show. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive the complete 22 volume World Book Encyclopedia for 2011. World Book Encyclopedia, the number-one selling print encyclopedia in the world, a division of Berkshire Hathaway. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, and had the arduous task of competing with a promotion where Sting (Steve Borden, not Gordon Sumner) is the top draw.

The big news out of WWE this week is the passing of legendary former six-time World Champion Randy "Macho Man" Savage. We already did a Savage-centric version of our Wrestling History Lesson yesterday, which you can check out here. But now, we'll take you back to twenty years ago.

On Monday Night, May 28, 1991, the World Wrestling Federation had a television taping in Tuscon, Arizona. On this night, the company was taping multiple episodes of WWF Superstars and featured matches for its cable flagship show, "WWF Prime Time Wrestling." So if you were watching Monday night wrestling twenty years ago, you would have seen this clash between Greg "The Hammer" Valentine and the traitorous Sgt. Slaughter.



For those of you who are more interested in wrestling from 2011, let us take you back to the main event from WWE Friday Night Smackdown, as Randy Orton takes on Mark Henry in a non-title contest.



What would happen if The Miz had John Cena's gimmick? Let's find out.



As you know, the name of this show is "Over The Limit." WWE has turned its back on the themed pay-per-views it was banking on a couple of years ago. Or has it? The phrase "over the limit" is slang for, um, being legally drunk. Maybe this could be a theme show after all. Every time, Vince McMahon yells into the announcers' headsets, the announcers should have to drink a shot. By the end of the show, Todd Grisham and Matt Striker would have to come out of the bullpen to call the main event. On with the show!

Sin Cara vs. Chavo Guerrero: To recap, Sin Cara is undefeated since arriving in WWE, and Chavo Guerrero's gimmick is that he loses to everyone, including Hornswoggle. Projection? What do you think? Sin Cara defeats Chavo with the One Man Spanish Fly.

Brie Bella vs. Kelly Kelly (WWE Divas Title): This match will be overshadowed by the sight of all the Seattle fans looking at the entrance and waiting for Kharma to make her way down the aisle. Projection? Nikki Bella interferes and helps her sister retain the championship. Kharma comes out to beat up the Bellas, as we get set for Kelly and Kharma to battle the twins on Smackdown house shows.

Kane & Big Show vs. C.M. Punk & Mason Ryan (WWE World Tag Team Titles): WWE wants to build Mason Ryan up as a big star, but Ryan is not ready for prime time. Heck, he's barely ready for WWE Superstars, which does not air in prime time. The solution is to have Ryan team with a veteran, like C.M. Punk, and stick him in tag team matches to cover up his lack of polish. See, Vince? Tag team wrestling serves a purpose. Projection? Outside interference for McGillicuddy, outside interference from Otunga, Ryan scores the pin on Kane. The New Nexus gets its hands on the WWE Tag Team Titles.

Rey Mysterio vs. R-Truth: Hey, we have a new feud. "R-Truth" Ron killings has found new life as a sleazy bad guy. It's the same character that the former Elijah Burke should be playing in TNA, except that TNA Creative hasn't advanced quite that far yet. Projection? Truth wins by poking Mysterio in the eyes and hitting the Lie Detector. We haven't heard the last of this feud.

Wade Barrett vs. Ezekiel Jackson (WWE Intercontinental Title): It has been interesting to watch WWE try to turn Ezekiel Jackson into the next Lex Luger, with slightly better promo skills. Here's hoping they don't follow this up by turning Randy Orton into the next "Macho Man" Randy Savage. Projection? Barrett gets the victory by hitting a low blow, and then the Wasteland.

Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole (Kiss My Foot Match): Two questions. First, when did Mel Phillips get rehired by WWE? It's hard to believe the fans were clamoring for this stipulation. Second, how long will it take to put this whole Michael Cole mess behind us? Projection? Jack Swagger comes to reason and teases that he's going to help Cole, then he doesn't. Lawler wins with the piledriver, then gives Cole a second piledriver for good measure. Cole does a stretcher job, and we don't see Cole on WWE television for at least a month.

Seriously, the creative team in Stamford needs to draw straws and explain to Big Granddaddy that there might be a correlation between the increased use of the Michael Cole heel character and the precipitous dip in WWE pay-per-view buyrates. Go ahead, people. I'll wait.

Randy Orton vs. Christian Cage (Smackdown World Title): A lot of Captain Charisma don't like the fact that Christian lost the big gold belt after holding it for two days earlier this month. But there's no denying the fact that Christian's now received two title matches in a row, and is headlining Smackdown house shows. If Vince McMahon doesn't think Christian is a main event wrestler, he has a funny way of showing it. Projection? Orton and Christian give us the same match we saw on May 6th, with a few more false finishes. Orton wins with the RKO.

The Miz vs. John Cena (WWE Heavyweight Title - I Quit Match): John Cena is undefeated in "I Quit" matches. The Miz has never scored a clean victory over John Cena. The Chicago Bulls are taking on the Miami Heat in Game 3 of their NBA playoff series. This doesn't look like a good night for anyone. Projection? Cena takes a beating, then comes back and scores the submission victory with the STF.

Aftermath: Our next pay-per-view is Capital Punishment, which will not feature a death match. Let's go with John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton vs. Sheamus and the rematch between Rey Mysterio and R-Truth.

***

Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a PWTorch Columnist since 2001. He cohosts the PWTorch Livecast on Wednesdays. Pat will join Wade Keller and Bruce Mitchell on the Torch VIP Roundtable after "Over The Limit."

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