MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 9/8: Stream of Rayburn Was Better, Where's Ox Baker, Nobody's Going To Hawaii, Steve Beverly, Joe Dirt, and Don't Forget To Spay Or Neuter Your Pets
Sep 7, 2009 - 10:47:58 PM |
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By Bruce Mitchell, PWTorch senior columnist
If Ox Baker doesn't make an appearance tonight, I'm going to be disappointed. The Heart Punch that "killed" both Ray Gunkel and Alberto Torres was nothing compared to the appearance The Ox once made on The Price Is Right. (He lost in the Showcase Showdown.)
The best ring announcer in professional wrestling history, Howard Finkel, introduces the second-best game show host in television history, Bob Barker.
Gene Rayburn of Match Game '77 is the best game show host ever. Don't write me, it's a simple fact.
Come on down, Santino Morella, Jillian Hall, Irwin R. Shyster, and…Chris Jericho, The Fink intones. They play The Price is Raw. They can't play Truth or Consequences (and yes, I'm old enough to have seen Barker host T&C) because it's pro wrestling – there's little Truth and the Consequences can be horrific). They're playing for a Best of Smackdown DVD.
The first three bid, and Barker is as smooth as ever. Jericho doesn't want to play.
"Let me explain something to you, old man."
"I'm one half of the World Tag…"
"I hear one. His bid is one dollar."
Jericho wins. For winning he gets a chance to go to Hawaii, if he beats MVP in tonight's first match. Of course, if he goes somehow he'll end up suspended for a month.
Bob Barker was tremendous here. What a natural, and it made this whole thing seem like an event. I liked that segment better than I did the entire Dragon Gate pay-per-view, great matches and all.
Chris Jericho faces MVP. This was a very good TV match, helped by a hot Chicago crowd. MVP wins, and Jericho dismayed look going to the ring is priceless.
Bob Barker reminds Kelly Kelly, Shawn Michaels, and Triple H to spay and neuter their pets.
DX spins the Showcase wheel. Michaels gets Chris Master. You know Triple H can't resist burying Masters "hair plugs and all." The Game spins Randy Orton. DX can work with that.
Isn't John Cena facing Randy Orton at the pay-pre-view, not DX?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OK, I'm just practicing for Hornswoggle/Chavo Guerrero stuff coming up.
Chavo faces Evan Bourne for an imaginary new Corvette. Chavo gets to wrestle again for the first time in who knows when, and he seems to enjoy it. Chavo loses when Hornswoggle tries to squirt him with one of those big water guns, Chavo stalks him, and Evan rolls him up for the win.
Cody Rhodes says he's still in Legacy. Dusty Rhodes is an excellent father but Randy Orton made Cody a main-eventer. Family or Career? When Cody either makes Triple H or Shawn Michaels tap out Sunday it will prove he made the right choice. He says he's going to make John Cena tap tonight.
The smirk at the end was a false note, but that was a good promo.
Cody Rhodes faces John Cena. Well, Cena doesn't treat Rhodes like he's the Miz. Rhodes is even portrayed as capable of making Cena submit. Cena goes for an STF, Orton runs in for a cheap head-punt, but Cena responds with an Attitude Adjustment on Orton. Cena gets a little back on Legacy for last week.
Hey, isn't that UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar and TNA Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle on the Smackdown commercial?
Raw has its first re-run in fifteen years, as they re-play the Batista guest host show from a few weeks ago. Nice of Vince to give his crew a much-deserved break…
A.J Pierzynski of the Chicago White Sox is Barker's next contestant. He's a big WWE fan, but a bigger Bob Barker and Price is Right fan. Hey, who isn't? They're bidding for a Wrestlemania 26 travel package.
I wonder if Matwatch's Steve Beverly is watching tonight?
Santino wins the Wrestlemania package. Isn't he going anyway? No, he's bidding for a hot tub. He has a bodyslam contest with….
The Big Show. That doesn't seem fair. Isn't Santino a babyface now? Big Show immediately wins. The Price Is Right loser noise blurts for Santino. The ref forgets to raise Show's hand, so Barker isn't sure if it's over.
Barker sends out Mark Henry for another Body Slam contest with Show. That actually could have been a TV program for several weeks. Maybe it still will be.
It lasts a few minutes, but Henry slams Show. MVP celebrates with him, WWE repairs some of the EVEN Steven damage from last week.
Josh Matthews interview Bob Barker about his new book, "Priceless Memories.' He tells the famous tube top(less) story. Mainstream or not, WWE can't help themselves. It doesn't have much to do with WWE, but what the hell.
Whoops, I was wrong. Raw isn't a re-run, Batista is back next week not to host, but to make some announcement, Trish stratus returns to guest host.
Chavo "Adam Sandler" Guerrero takes the inevitable karate chop from Barker, who then signs off his portion of the show by once again reminding us to spay or neuter our pets.
I guess that means no Ox. I've seen the guy in the past few years, and he would have
DX faces Randy Orton & Chris "How Many Strikes" Masters. Triple H looks more and more like Joe Dirt every week. He makes his inevitable Rhodes & DiBiase "partner" inferences. Suck It boys in glass houses maybe shouldn't throw stones.
DX beats up Orton early. The heat goes down when the colorless Masters is in. He does get to put his Master Lock on HBK for several seconds before Triple H returns from pummeling Orton to make the save.
Master submits himself to HBK's figure four. Legacy joins them and they all fight to the back, except Orton turns way. Legacy bump for DX in the back of the arena. Legacy ends stealing car and escaping. I guess DX will catch them Sunday. Randy Orton is in the ring cutting a promo when John Cena's music hits. He brawls with Orton. As the show goes off the air Orton DDTs Cena coming into the ring and knocks him out. The crowd is shocked. He gets a chair to bash Cena's brains in once and for all, and then puts it down. He slowly goes for an RKO on the chair.
Well, Cena's finished. I wonder who gets the title shot Sunday?
Don't forget to spay and neuter your pets.
Score 6.5
I never was a big Price Is Right guy, but Bob Barker once again proved he's one of the great naturals in the history of television. His opening skit with Chris Jericho really made Raw in Chicago, which is usually a hot atmosphere, a real event. Jericho also had a good match losing to MVP. That coupled with Mark Henry's slam of Big Show helped their team garner a little momentum going into the pay-per-view. It's interesting how WWE didn't make a bigger deal out of the all submissions, all the time aspect of Breaking Point.
Does Randy Orton crushing John Cena like that cause Cena fans to lose faith in him, or are they so steeped in Even Steven booking patterns that they know it was actually a clear signal to buy the pay-per-view because their hero will win the title?
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