TAKE PWTORCH
WITH YOU! Get our iPhone App (FREE!): Click Here Or enter "PWTorch.com" on your Blackberry or other Smart Phone browser for mobile-version of PWTorch.
MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S RAW 7/20: Stream of "Boy, Are ZZ Top Masters of Underselling or What?" Jul 21, 2009 - 9:45:19 AM
Raw is in the original Wolfpack in the House – N.C. State's RBC Center.
John Cena is out to hype who ZZ Top is and to remind everyone there's yet another three-way match at yet another pay-per-view where he faces Triple H and Randy Orton. He even points out it's a WrestleMania re-run from two years ago.
Orton comes out to remind us of the finish of that WrestleMania match (he kicked in Cena's head for the win), so we get the subliminal message that WWE won't give us the same finish Sunday.
Cena points out how stupid Orton's "I Hear Voices In My Head" music is. Wouldn't the World Champion have more self-respect than to come out to something like that?
The Three Horsemen surround Sting. It looks like he's done for...
...until Dusty Rhodes arrives. The Horsemen don't want any of the Dream.
Triple H explains about how, really, he's bigger than the World Title now. All he cares about is that Orton doesn't keep the title.
Cena and Triple H argue about whether Seth Green is the size of a Hobbit or not.
Orton wants in on the Legacy versus Cena and Triple H main event tonight. Cena practices for his debut at the Chuckle Hut, then the good guys accept the challenge.
Dusty Hill and Billy Gibbons don't seem to even be in Raleigh. They have their guitars backstage, so Santino Morella joins to lip sync "Cheap Sunglasses."
If Lord Alfred Hayes walked in, I'd figure this was Tuesday Night Titans.
Kofi "He's All About Fun" Kingston & Primo, & MVP face Jack Swagger & Carlito & Big Show. Primo pins Carlito, then Big Show slams everyone, so he's not winning the title Sunday.
Take Primo out and put Miz in and you've got your U.S. Title six-way challenge for Night of Champions Sunday night.
Santino and ZZ Top hype their tour with Aerosmith. Chris Jericho butts in – "two icons in entertainment – I'm sure you're a fan of my band, Fozzy. Later on, we can have a jam together."
Instead ZZ Top books Jericho in a match with Mark Henry.
How?
Ah haw haw haw haw…
Brian Kendrick tells Jerry Lawler to talk about how he wants to be Chris Jericho's partner. Lawler tells him to get in the ring. Kendrick insults Lawler, so Lawler announces himself as Kendrick's opponent.
The King is really over with the crowd.
Kendrick, who usually bounces around like a ping pong ball, slaps a choke on Lawler. The King powers out.
Dropkick from the King!
Lawler beats Kendrick with a fist-drop from the top.
This win should solidify Lawler's chance to be Mayor of Memphis.
Mickie James tries to explain why the woman who was supposedly scared of her beat her straight up last week. Miz comes out to defend his Favorite. She comes out to spray Mickie in the eyes with who knows what.
I like the little stage in front of the fans.
Mark Henry faces Chris Jericho. Apparently all Henry had to do to turn babyface is constantly grin. Henry does a half-ass Giant Swing the fans enjoy. Jericho is disqualified for whacking Henry in the back with a steel chair. Boo! Henry blocks another shot, then dumps Jericho over the announce table onto Jim Ross, I mean Michael Cole. Henry brings Jericho into the ring and slams him.
Henry leads the fans in Raleighwood in cheers. What fun!
Chavo walks in on Santino and Top. He wants to be treated with dignity and respect. ZZ Top books him in a Sharp Dressed Man* match.
(*Sharp Dressed Man was a big hit for ZZ Top 25-plus years ago.)
"Gorgeous" Jimmy Garvin faces Chavo Guerrero. Garvin wins when Precious sprays him in the eyes behind referee Sonny Fargo's back with the same can she gave Maryse earlier.
How did Chavo get down the ramp with his pants leg sewn together?
John Cena doesn't believe Triple H thinks he's better than the title. Triple H assures him he isn't. Cena is excited at the chance to shut Legacy's mouth. Triple H is, too, but ominously adds, "Then there's Sunday…"
Cena wouldn't have it any other way.
ZZ Top is visited by Kelly Kelly. She's got (lip synced) Legs. So do the other Divas. They only play the instrumental part, so I wonder how many of you youngsters got the joke.
Santino strips to his Speedos to show his legs. ZZ Top is out of here. Where?
Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase intimidate and mock Chris Jericho, who condescends to them right back, even suggesting that Randy Orton could be his championship partner against them Sunday night.
Shaquille O'Neal is next week's Raw Celebrity G.M. This has been quite the PG-13 gimmick.
Double Kelly & Gail Kim face Alicia Fox & Rosa Mendes. It looks like Gail Kim has hurt her knee. Fox pins Kelly.
ZZ Top comes out in their red coupe. So they were in the RBC, after all.
John Cena & Triple H face Legacy. After the good guys make the traditional early stand, John Cena takes a commercial break beating. Triple H gets the tag, but he ends up getting triple-teamed in the corner – Horsemen style.
Cena & Triple H make their comeback. This is basic good wrestling and the fans are all over it. Cena ducks a punt to the head and rolls up Orton for the win. There's no trouble between Cena and Triple H afterward. They even shake hands like good sports. Raw ends on a positive note with the idea that the dastardly Orton is sure to lose his title at Night of Champions Sunday.
Score: 7.0
It's nice to see Vince McMahon sticking to his PG-13 direction for the last few weeks. This was an easy-to-follow, (pretty much) kid-friendly show that had room to focus on two issues: the semi-main of who Chris Jericho was going to choose from the WWE talent roster to be his championship tag team partner, and the main issue of who among three top Raw stars - John Cena, Triple H, and Randy Orton - would win the three-way title at the pay-per-view Sunday. It's not sexy, but it may be WWE's best chance to rebuild their programming and the best way to consistently sell their product.
Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
INCREDIBLE BENEFITS! Over 50 full-length audio updates per month (iPod compatible)... New weekly award-winning Pro Wrestling Torch Newsletter (text and printable pdf versions) with latest exclusive insider news, new Torch Talks, great columns, Keller's cover story, much more... Hundreds of full-length back issues of PWTorch Newsletter from late-'80s to today... Ad-free access to PWTorch.com's Main Listing... VIP Forum with interaction with other subscribers and Torch staff... Torch Talk Library with text and audio of hundreds of interview installments from last 20 years... Great layout... Deepest archives on pro wrestling history anywhere... Keller's PWTorch Today PDF Bulletins with email alerts... VIP Email reports on major PPVs and TV shows... Staff Roundtable Reviews (text and audio) followiing major events... The best staff of writers and world class reporting since 1987... We'd love for you to join us and experience the most entertaining, authoritative, experienced staff of professional reporters and commentators in the business...
Compare the value of four or five months of PWTorch VIP content to the price of just one PPV. Can you cut 25 cents a day from your budget to make room for PWTorch VIP?
AND NEW FOR 2009! Monthly "Vintage Audio Torch Talks." We are releasing for the first time ever audio versions of our text Torch Talk updates, the historical first series of insider interviews ever. Wade Keller's newsmaking in-depth interviews with wrestling's biggest names are now being made available exclusively to VIP members. But you must be a member each month, as these are not archived, so they are replaced with a new one each month! This debuted in January 2009 with a 68 minute interview with the late "British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith. Who's next? Hulk Hogan? Eric Bischoff? The Rock? Goldberg? Jeff Hardy?
