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MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S 6/29 Raw Stream Of Randy Orton Faces ECW and Loses and That's The Main Event Jun 29, 2009 - 11:12:56 PM
We start with Mr. McMahon. He looks happy, and he's wearing a really stylin' blue summer sports coat. He points out all the stuff Donald Trump would give away and says he has to have commercials to make money.
As far as giving your ticket money way, he could do that – but he won't.
Apparently Trump ran his own draft or trade or something after he sold Raw, and fifteen wrestlers were trading between ECW, Smackdown, and Raw. I was going to write you know McMahon grinds his teeth when he sleeps, but then you know he never sleeps so he just grinds his teeth.
Our celebrity guest Raw General Manager is Batista. He announces that tonight they're having a four-man tournament to decide who gets the next tile shot against Randy Orton. Boy, that's the kind of innovative thinking that only a guest celebrity can bring to Raw.
The tournament? Triple H beats MVP, then John Cena beats Miz again, then Triple H beats John Cena when Miz interferes behind The Game's back.
Legacy appears on the ramp. They understandably are there to kick ol' one-armed Batista's ass yet again. Batista stops all that by telling them if they look at him funny he'll fire them.
You know, if three guys deliberately broke my arm on national television and I lost both my world championship and months of lucrative main event pay and suddenly the promotion gave me "Ultimate" power, I wouldn't wait for someone to look funny at me.
I'd fire them all first thing.
Instead, Batista makes Randy Orton run a gauntlet against three unnamed wrestlers.
Even though Triple H's leg is hurt, he guts it out to beat MVP. Jerry Lawler says whether Cena or Miz (as if) wins tonight, no way Triple H can beat them next week with that bad leg, guaranteeing a gutsy win for the gutsy Game, who'll go on to get a gutsy title shot at the gutsy Night of Champions.
Chris Jericho & Edge, the new unified tag champs, defend against the Colons. First Jericho credits his massive talents for bringing him in front of the hypocrites and cretins who make up the Raw audience. Edge interrupts and says they're on Raw as champs because he took things into his hands, talking Jericho into joining him in a united front and demanded the unified title shot from SD G.M. Teddy Long last night.
Boy, some of Primo's blows are really lame.
Even though the Colons aren't much, the fans get into the near falls, particularly when Carlito almost gets the pin on Edge with a backstabber.
Jericho throws Primo into Carlito's leg when he's on the second rope (just take my word for it), and Edge spears him for the win.
Legacy are whining about the Orton's Gauntlet match backstage when Batista rushes up to tell them if Cody Rhodes or Ted DiBiase interferes he'll fire them on the spot.
Why not just fire them now; that way Orton takes his beating and Batista is guaranteed Legacy doesn't appear?
John Cena beats the Miz again. Miz does get some offense in. Actually, he's kicking Cena's ass though the commercial break. Don't tell me WWE is making up for how Miz was treated last night? Michael Cole asks, "How can you have this change in 24 hours?"
Miz is wrestling in a babyface storyline, as he gets stronger and more confident in the face of the big challenge of John Cena.
Miz almost chokes Cena out.
Cena finally makes Miz submit. This is the match they should have had on last night's pay-per-view.
John Cena will face Triple H for the title shot on Raw next week.
Ted DiBiase tells Randy Orton all he has to do is survive because next week, his father, The Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, will be the guest General Manager.
It's Kelly Kelly faces Mickie James faces Eva Mendes faces Beth Phoenix for a shot at Management Favorite Maryse's Diva Title at Night of The Champions. Yes, again. Lawler and Maryse agree that Kelly Kelly is good looking. Mickie James wins. She stares down Maryse at the announcers' table.
WWE has a summer reading program for students.
Big Show faces Kofi Kingston. It's a double count-out when Big Slow can't hold on to Kingston to throw him back in the ring.
Lawler: What a night.
WWE champ Randy Orton limps down to the ring. He faces a new act on Raw - Evan Bourne, who loses to beaten-up Orton first night in.
Next up is Jack Swagger. Did they cancel ECW? Swagger just stands on the apron smirking and lets the ref count him out. He takes the mic and says he likes and respects Orton and he wants to leave a lasting impression on his first night on Raw, so he shakes Orton's hand.
That makes Batista look like a chump. I'd say.
Last up is Mark Henry. Okay, this is lame. He makes the same speech Swagger does, except he wrestles Orton. Wait, he throws Orton down, then he stand on the ring apron and gets counted out.
Batista is really a chump now.
Wait, he gets back in before the count is over. He's smiling. Orton gets on his knees and begs for mercy. This sucks. Henry tosses him across the ring. The crowd likes Henry using his power moves on Orton.
He pins Orton with a power-slam.
Lawler: This is huge!
Batista gets some revenge and a new pretend star is made. Henry claps for Batista, who is smiling on the ramp.
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