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MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S RAW 4/20: Stream of The Boat Floats Again, Everybody Says Goodbye, Rey Gets Punched Out, and Legacy kicks Team Triple H All Over The Ring Apr 21, 2009 - 2:51:35 PM
Apparently we're going to have a new main event at Backlash, since "Triple H vows to end it" tonight against Randy Orton.
Chris Jericho is out for his last, final appearance on Raw forever. "You people are wallowing in your dishonesty. In six months you people will be begging him to come back to Raw."
Ricky Steamboat comes to the ring. He says the WWE Universe is too appreciative and WrestleMania was "probably" the highlight of his wrestling career. Steamboat thanks Jericho for restoring a passion to perform one last time. "If it wasn't for you WrestleMania and Raw never would have happened for me."
Jericho says Steamboat came out to hear the cheers of the fans "one more time." The English fans don't catch on to the chant. They do catch on to "You still got it" though.
Jericho wants to put Steamboat out of his misery with a one-on-one match at Backlash. What's the deal with heels always making the big challenges? I can see it every once in a while, but all the time?
Before Steamboat can answer, John Cena comes down. Jericho doesn't want to listen to Cena pander to the Raw fans. Jericho's last act on Raw is to walk out on Cena. He makes it halfway down the aisle when Steamboat accepts the challenge. Cena bigfoots the 'Boat. He tells Jericho that his last act on Raw will be wrestling Cena one more time. Can't blame Cena here, we've seen this match on Raw a dozen times and Cena always wins. Jericho doesn't even bother to ask for a title match.
Chavo Guerrero thanks Vickie for bringing him to Raw and claims just like he can push Vickie around in her wheelchair, he can push around anyone on Raw.
Batista squashes Chavo Guerrero. No way.
Chavo promises Aunt Vickie that won't ever happen again. He wasn't ready.
After the break, Batista and Shane talk. Neither one appreciated having to sell for the other last week. They smile and promise to stay on the same page together.
Another final Raw match, this time between C.M Punk and Kane. I don't know why they keep saying that. No one believes it. Punk rolls out of a DDT to pin Kane. That didn't look good at all, and that was a do-over.
Santino is upset that he lost the match to The Great Khali and now his twin sister has to kiss The Punjabi Giant. He calls out his sister, but she is just on the Titan-tron. She has a herpes sore on her lip, so she can't kiss him. The Titan-tron "accidently" speeds up, so Santino blames the fast-talking on his sister's love of Red Bull. The fans enjoy that one.
Beth Phoenix brings a message from Vickie Guerrero. The Great Khali will kiss Santini at the Backlash. Hey, what about the sore? This is going on way too long.
WWE champion Melina faces Beth Phoenix. Please SD, turn Melina back heel. Melina wins, and is in tears again at the idea of leaving Raw.
Shane talks to Triple H about all the ways things could go wrong at Backlash. Someone could get DQ'd, they're all hot-heads, and Randy Orton could get the WWE Title – and that can't happen. Why is that the stipulation again?
Triple H is going to work out his out-of-control anger on Orton tonight and get it out of his system so he'll be nice and placid for the pay-per-view.
I'm telling you, that's some babyface team to pay to get excited about Sunday. Oooh, I hope they don't get disqualified and lose!
John Cena faces Chris Jericho again. Hey, that's right, John Cena is facing Edge in a Last Man Standing match Sunday night. The English entertain themselves by "Heying" back and forth when they hit each other. They don't like Cena, either. Jerry Lawler says they're just having fun with him.
Jericho flies out of an Attitude Adjustment and hits a Code Breaker for a near fall to the delight of the fans. The sequence is reversed and Jericho kicks out to the delight of the fans again. Jericho catches Cena in the Walls. Cena reverses it into the STF.
Edge attacks Cena when he and Jericho are tussling on the top rope. DQ. Edge catches Cena with a spear. Well, that makes sense.
He goes for two chairs to set up a conchairto and crushes the champ's skull. He does it. John Cena is dead. He should have taken Morphoplex instead. Edge gets six months in an English jail. Edge explains that the winner of a Last Man Standing match knocks his opponent out for a count of ten before the coppers haul him away. Edge, being dead, is laid out for longer than that.
Rey Mysterio faces Big Show for his last match on Raw. I know I personally am going to really miss watching him wrestle all these over-sized slugs every week. Michael Cole says "it's a tall task" for Rey.
Big Show knocks out Rey with one punch and pins him flat. I'm sure there was a point to that, but I couldn't tell you what it was. Big Show is too lackadaisical to be "full of rage."
It's Edge versus Kofi Kingston on WWE Superstars. If I were TNA, that would be one ratings win I brag hard about.
Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase are confident that Legacy are on the same page. Randy Orton reminds them he is the very best. "This Sunday, we are going to win, and tonight I'm going to beat Triple H. I guarantee it."
Uh oh, the heel guarantees victory! They never lie, so that means The Game is going down, tonight on Raw.
Triple H faces Randy Orton in a No DQ match. This is a perfectly competent main event. Young Orton is picking up quite the following.
Triple H finally catches Orton in the figure-four. Orton escapes, but he can barely stand. Triple H wants to use a chair to break Orton's leg but Legacy understandably runs in to stop it. Shane runs down. He's no help. Triple H takes a beating. Batista runs down and accidentally spears Shane. Batista does knock Rhodes and DiBiase out of the ring and fights them on the floor. Orton hits the RKO for the pin on Triple H (remember, the match is no-DQ). The fans count along in triumph.
The good guys are staggering as we head into the big match Sunday.
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