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We start with one of the biggest stars in the business, Rey Mysterio, although you couldn't prove it by how he's booked on Raw. He's mad that Shawn Michaels cost him his chance in the Race in the Rumble by getting Rey DQ'd against Michaels's boss, JBL. Rey really should be mad at the dumb ol' ref, but who wants to see him call the dumb ol' ref down like he does Shawn here.
Rey reads the lines Creative wrote for him about Michaels being honorable and facing him here tonight, and the winner moves on to the Fatal Four Way. Shawn makes the sad face.
"I accept."
JBL appears on the ramp. "Actually Rey, Shawn's answer is no. He is my employee. The only match Shawn Michaels is working is the Fatal Four-way with me tonight. Shawn, I'd appreciate it if you'd leave the ring." The guy has a point. Shawn makes the sad face again and leaves the ring.
Rey tells Shawn all the money in the world won't make up for selling your soul. He knows because there was that time when he'd sold his young son's Dominic soul in that angle where Eddie pretended to be the young boy's father.
Dominic Mysterio, coming to Legacy at an arena sooner or later...
Mike Knox jumps Rey from the behind and everyone's pal, John Cena, makes the save.
Randy Orton tells his charges in Legacy he won't tolerate losers and tonight, if they lose their match, they're out. Sim Snuka looks confused, since he can't remember if he's actually ever won a match.
No, wait, that's me who can't remember.
Cody Rhodes faces C.M. Punk, so he's clearly safe. William Regal comes out to scout with his lady, Layla, since next week is his big IC challenge from Punk. Regal distracts Punk so he's loses by one of those cheapie countouts. Rhodes stays in Legacy. Punk goes after Rhodes.
Stephanie McMahon has a cold. She wants Cena to be guest commentator at ringside for the Fatal Fourway. Cena is bored with that idea, so he does a pretty good Will Farrell doing Harry Caray impersonation at the prospect of doing guest commentary. Cena wants Vince Russo to come in and book a monster truck running over the ring or something. He challenges Steph to make a match with him and Mike Knox and Rey that's bigger than big. He's geeked up to make up for the fact that it isn't much better than the guest commentator gig.
Another Rhodes, this time it's Goldust. He reviews the Christmas gifts the Superstars got. I don't know, I like my entertainment to be... entertaining, but that's just me.
Batista narrates his own hamstring surgery. The doctor expects a full recovery.
It's a six Diva Battle Royal to get the Royal Rumble women's title shot... Kelly Kelly, Melina, Mickie James, and three others announced during the commercial are in it. Beats actually booking something for them...
Beth Phoenix and Santino Morella are on commentary. Evas Rosa, the Phoenix fan, is at ringside again. Melina wins.
Todd Grisham interviews Chris Jericho. He's mad about winning Jerk of the Year in the WWE Magazine year-end awards. Settle down, Jericho, no one takes those year-end awards seriously, unless there's a plaque awarded.
Sim Snuka faces "Super Haas" Charlie Snuka. Kids throughout the arena ask their parents who that's supposed to be. Their parents take them to the concession stands. Remember, Sim has to win to get into Legacy. He does when he brings up his knees for Haas's Superfly Splash.
Oh wait, it's phase one, so they can get rid of Sim later.
Rey Mysterio & John Cena head to the ring for Stephanie's Big End 2008 With A Bang With Put Ten Guys In The Ring And Let John Cena Get The Clean Pin Because It's Easier Than Thinking of Something match.
Cena & Rey & Kofi Kingston & Cryme Tyme face Mike Knox & Kane & Miz & John Morrison & Dolph Ziggler (no, really). The fans wait for Rey or Cena to be tagged in.
This gets decent after the break. Finally, The Champ is here. He and Kofi do the Five Knuckle Shuffle together. It's a good way to for Kofi to share Cena's star-power. Cena pins Knox with a FU.
Grisham wants to know what Shawn Michaels is going to do in the Fatal Four-way, seeing as how his boss JBL is in it, too. Michaels says he's Mr. WrestleMania and all he cares about is stealing the show at WrestleMania. Grisham doesn't bother to tell him the Four-way is for the Royal Rumble, not WrestleMania.
Don't look at me.
The Kelly Kelly angle. She's mad because it was Randy Orton she had the one night stand with. Maybe she should ask around before she sleeps with some of these guys.
Matt Hardy faces Manu for the Legacy challenge thing. That doesn't seem fair. The other guy only had to beat Charlie Haas. Manu loses, he's out.
The Hardyz face Edge & Big Show in the Smackdown main event this week. That makes sense.
Mr. Kennedy gets off carrying a big gun "with ease" around in his movie.
Randy Orton, JBL, Shawn Michaels, and Chris Jericho face off in a Fatal Four-way. That's four heels and a sellout. The fans don't seem to know whom to root for. HBK saves JBL from a pin, then eliminates Y2J with SCW.
The girls do like Orton here against JBL and his employee. They change and respond to Michaels's babyface repertoire in pinning Orton with Sweet Chin Music.
Now all Michaels has to do is beat the boss and make the main event money at the Rumble.
JBL demands Shawn lay down. This never works, because it takes people out of the invented reality and reminds them too strongly that wrestling is fake.
Shawn makes the sad face. He's clearly torn.
This tears him up, but he couldn't do the job for Bret Hart all those times.
This does get the big heat from girl fans who feel sorry for Michaels.
Michaels finally lays down for the pin (and the sexual symbolism has never been clearer),
He changes his mind, stands up, and submits to taking a stiff... lariat so JBL can end up on top.
And get the title shot against John Cena at the Royal Rumble. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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