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MOJO MITCHELL'S RAW 12/1: Stream of Chris Jericho - Responsible Parent; Rey Mysterio - Arm Hurts; DX - Torn and Frayed...
Dec 2, 2008 - 11:20:31 AM |
By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist
Mojo Mitchell's Raw Stream of Chris Jericho - Responsible Parent, Rey Mysterio - Arm Hurts, DX - Torn and Frayed, Kane - Loves Fans, Shawn Michaels - Losing Money, Hulk Hogan - High School Has-Been
We start with Chris Jericho in the merchandise line. He doesn't like John Cena's AWA shirt. He's also hired security to keep Cena's fans away from him as he walks down a section aisle to the ring. He didn't represent these people when he was champion, and he won't when he wins the title back from John Cena at Armageddon.
Don't touch me. None of you will ever touch me, he insists.
There is one Cena fan that matters to Jericho: his five-year-old son. When his son was two years old, he didn't know how good his father was.
At age five he became a WWE fan, and to Jericho's horror, a Cena fan. His son's hero is the very man who got him fired three years ago in the first place. So he banned his son from watching WWE ever again.
Instead of appreciating Jericho as a responsible parent, the fans really hate this. I'm thinking the whole thing is really clever. Jericho will let the kid watch again when his daddy can triumphantly walk down the aisle as World Heavyweight Champion again.
Boy, that was some good stuff.
Why is Rey Mysterio in the Intercontinental title tournament? Why is Mike Knox, of all people, beating up Rey Mysterio before his match with The Miz? Oh yeah, Knox beat up his pal Evan Bourne for no reason. Rey hurts one arm falling off the ramp, so Knox beats on the other one.
Layla, William Regal's queen, tells dumb ol' Stephanie that since Rey hurt his arm he should be out of the tournament. Dumb ol' Stephanie agrees, not thinking for a moment that maybe Knox should be suspended or fined, since he attacked Rey on live TV and all.
C.M Punk, who had a parade in Chicago on Thursday dedicated to him, teams with Kofi Kingston to defend the tag belts against Cody Rhodes & Manu.
Stephanie says that Rey has torn ligaments in his arm, Michael Cole announces.
The manic Kingston really has the crowd behind him. Kingston pins Rhodes with a spinning kick that makes Booker T look like a grandpa.
Randy Orton is watching.
DX is looking a little torn and frayed. What kind of parent gives their kid a toy torture chamber for Christmas? Clearly, not Chris Jericho...
Randy Orton tells Rhodes and that other loser they won together at Survivor Series and he sees some potential in them. If they're interested, he'll be in the locker room.
The sight of Chris Jericho backstage gets fans booing. He tells Kane everyone in the locker room figures Kane will tap out tonight to John Cena, screaming in pain. Kane doesn't appreciate the mind games, but he figure Jericho will get what he wants anyway.
The weird thing is, when Kane evilly said he "loved the fans," the fans cheered him.
Some P.R. firm got Stephanie McMahon cited as one of the top rising stars in cable TV.
Jillian Hall faces Melina. Beth Phoenix and Santino Morella are at ringside. The two discuss all the awards they'll win at the Slammies, insuring they'll win none and Santino will steal the show pouting about it. No one much cares about this match, which Melina wins.
Santino isn't impressed, either. Melina tells Phoenix she may be the Glamazon, but she's not glamorous. Santino calls Melina "hot to trot," then says anyone can do her entrance. He racks himself trying. Cole and Jerry Lawler rack themselves fake laughing.
Apparently Shawn Michaels has lost almost all his fortune, the 401K, the pension, all the benefits you get working as an independent contractor for WWE, in the economic downturn (darn irresponsible wrestlers) so JBL is offering him a job. JBL avoided all that by marrying right.
He hopes HBK doesn't wrestle until he's 60 like "these has-beens disgracing themselves in high schools all over the country, hawking their 8x10 glossies..."
Hey, that's not fair. Hulk Hogan is doing only one of these high school shows.
Michaels can Superkick JBL, or take his one-time only job offer. Michaels, almost in tears, walks away.
"Looking forward to doing business with you, Shawn."
On the other hand, JBL is the one hawking Spanish Fly to make a buck.
I swear to God, the first commercial after this is plugging Ric Flair's appearance signing autographs in Greensboro at Proelific Park Friday night.
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan really does look like a caveman.
Batista faces Dolph Ziggler, who stole Mr. Kennedy's gimmick. Dolph is so pretty, Batista is about to bust out laughing. Ziggler gets a little offense in on Batista, who then beats him after a little more back and forth.
Randy Orton comes on the ramp to tell Batista sooner or later they'll face each other. Batista says Stephanie McMahon signed the match for Armageddon. Orton is a little surprised at this development.
Jericho wants Orton to hit the ring with him when Cena faces Kane. Orton doesn't want to fight Jericho's battles for him. Jericho points out that Orton is an afterthought because of Cena, even thought he beat him at WrestleMania. He's got a point there, Randy.
Finlay (w/Hornswoggle) faces John Morrison (w/The Miz) in the IC tourney. Whatever happened to the brand split? Morrison wins with a Superkick.
Poor Mr. Kennedy has a movie coming out on DVD.
Stephanie McMahon recites her lines plugging the Slammies (ugh) three-hour show next week. She reads the nominees for Superstar of the Year. Hey, where's Brock Lesnar?
They're also giving away some perfectly good pay-per-view main events on this show, too.
The Miz faces... Rey Mysterio, who has a heavily taped arm. Miz immediately grabs the arm and twists. Ouch. Rey Mysterio wins anyway. He moves on in the IC tourney.
Cenamania faces Kane. Big reaction for Cena. Short match that ends with Cena winning with an FU. Chris Jericho jumps in, but Cena glares him down, and beats him up. Cody Rhodes and Manu then jump Cena, who fights off all three. Finally Orton picks his spot and DDTs Cena into unconsciousness off the top of the ramp. Who is Cena facing at Armageddon again? Jericho remembers, and takes his shots on the prone Cena, finally locking him in the Walls of Jericho as the show goes off the air.
John Cena needs some friends.
Score 6.5: I thought both Chris Jericho and JBL were great tonight. JBL was so good heeling on the economic crisis I got nervous. I'm interested in seeing how his story with Shawn Michaels plays out. The Cenamania stuff at the end was just fine at setting up Jericho and then Orton as his major title contenders
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