MITCHELL'S TAKE
MOJO MITCHELL'S WWE RAW 9/22: Stream of No, I Haven't Written 800 Raw Mojos, It Just Seems Like It To Me
Sep 23, 2008 - 12:05:20 AM |
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By Bruce Mitchell, Torch columnist
This is usually a VIP-exclusive weekly feature, but it is presented from time to time here at the free PWTorch.com..
We start with a ladder, a big tall one, in the center of the ring.
Chris Jericho, in a conservative grey suit, walks almost expressionless down to the ring and climbs the ladder.
He's not wearing the WWE Title belt. Maybe he lost it at a house show this weekend.
Okay, I’ll stop.
It's the 800th episode of Monday Raw and I'm feeling every one of them.
Jericho: "Just because Shawn Michaels says something doesn't make it true." I thought for a second Jericho was going to tell every one it was Bret Hart, in Stampede Wrestling, and not Shawn Michaels, who "revolutionized ladder matches." No such luck. Jericho cites his three big ladder matches as proof he's better at ladder matches than Michaels.
Aah, there's the belt, over Jericho's shoulder.
The crowd really doesn't like him.
Randy Orton comes down. He says if it weren't for him kicking C.M. Punk in the head at No Mercy, Jericho wouldn't be champion now. It doesn't matter, though, because whoever wins the match is living on borrowed time.
Jericho asks what's to stop him from punching the injured Jericho in the face.
Orton tells him he's a third generation Superstar and the future of the company. Raw GM Mike Adamle has ruled that Orton can't hit anyone and no one can hit him or they'll be suspended. Orton is untouchable.
Jericho leaves.
Orton throws the ladder out of the ring.
Hey, isn't that C.M. Punk?
He goes eye-to-eye with Orton. Jerry Lawler says Punk has to control himself or he could get suspended.
Punk slaps Orton twice and brings him to his knees.
Adamle comes down and suspends Punk indefinitely, immediately. So when Orton kicked the World Champion Punk in the head, giving him a concussion, nothing happened to him.
A strutting Shane McMahon comes down to big foot everyone involved. He says Punk gave Orton "a receipt" and he officially overrules Punk's suspension.
Orton is mad. Shane says the untouchable thing starts now. Punk grins behind Shane's back, like a kid in school who was going to get in trouble, but the teacher clears him and send the other kid to the principal's office instead.
Shane McMahon makes Punk wrestle Cody Rhodes next, then hotshots Chris Jericho & JBL versus Batista & Shawn Michaels. Jericho and Michaels shouldn't wrestle until the pay-per-view.
Those McMahons are just so decisive.
At least with Shane they don't have to explain why the set fell down.
C.M. Punk faces Cody Rhodes. It's decent.
What the hell does lying on five chairs have to do with shaving, anyway?
Punk wins with the Go To Sleep. The hot crowd pops big, making this an effective match in continuing to get Punk over. Ted DiBiase and Manu jump Punk; Kofi Kingston makes the save.
Adamle acts whipped. Shane patronizes him. Kane is pissed. Hi Shane O. He wants Rey Mysterio. Adamle gives him the match at the pay-per-view. Kane tells Shane, "Say hello to your mom."
Apparently there was some angle where Kane tried to murder Linda and he tortured Shane in the testicles. I don't know...
Beth Phoenix is mad at Kelly Kelly. Santino Morella mocks Batista, who, darn it, is standing right behind him. Phoenix tells Batista not to interfere this week while she beats up his friend Double Kelly or Santino will straighten him out.
"Is that right, Santino?"
Gulp. Luckily, Santino has to go to the ring.
Santino starts in on the Honk-a-Meter but gets interrupted by his opponent.
Santino Morella faces The Fonz. Just as I type that, Santino makes the same joke. I thought I was so original. Morella tells Batista to watch him beat up Fonzie and he's going to do the same to him. Morella wins with a roll up.
That settles it; he's not The Fonz. He never, ever jobbed.
Rey Mysterio advises Evan Bourne to stick and move.
Evan Bourne faces Kane. This match is about how many hope spots Bourne gets. He half-hits a shooting star press from the top rope to the floor.
He gets a two count before Kane powers out.
Kane wins. "A courageous effort." Here comes the murder attempt. Rey to the rescue. Not so fast. Kane kicks him in the air and chokeslams him. Ouch.
Shane actually points out to Randy Orton that he got off easy for what he did originally to Punk.
Shane tells Orton, actually, he's fourth generation, so his dick is bigger.
Beth Phoenix faces Double Kelly, poor thing. That shmuck Santino tries to interfere, but the plucky Ms. Kelly turns the tables and rolls up Phoenix for the upset. Morella and Phoenix are going to beat up Kelly, but Batista kills Morella.
Let's see: Batista complains about his Raw push, contemplates retirement, then a week or two later, Kelly Kelly is his on-air "friend," she gets an upset win over the women's champion, and he's her knight in shining armor.
Makes sense, and it's certainly easier than giving him a bigger push.
Miz & Morrison and Cryme Tyme imitate each other. M&M were winning until Morrison went with the "sweater-vest" reference.
Miz & Morrison face Cryme Tyme. I've seen this match before. ECW wins.
Chris Jericho is trying to talk Mike Adamle into something or other, but the camera cuts away before we find out what. Oh brother.
Charlie Haas goes to Dave & Buster' s and does a Mr. Perfect tribute there, except he can't make a shot. You see, twenty years ago…
Turns out Jericho talked Adamle into making the tag match into a three-on-two handicap match so…
Chris Jericho & Lance Cade (big deal, somebody's gotta do the job) & JBL face Batista & Shawn Michaels. Don't Batista and Michaels hate each other? They can remember Kane attaching jumper cables to Shane's nuts but they can't remember that? The heels get absolutely no advantage from their extra man. Well, it'll be a good experience for the Young Lion.
Actually, this gets more heat than anything else on Raw the last few weeks.
Spoke too soon (and too snarky) about that Young Lion, because Cade pins Michaels when he gets too focused on super-kicking Jericho, then Cade catches him with his reverse Diamond-Cutter for the clean pin.
I'm shocked. What a turn of events. Due to the decisive loss, Shawn Michaels no longer could possibly be considered the number one contender to the World Title. The title picture is muddier than ever, but Chris Jericho certainly dodged a bullet there.
It's too bad. WWE really put a lot of hype into that ladder match, and I was really looking forward to seeing it. GM Mike Adamle is in a lot of trouble for making that match, I imagine.
Score: 6.0
I could have sworn I saw once rising main-eventer C.M. Punk earlier tonight. It's always nice to see smirky Shane-O come to the rating rescue. And that how many generations in you are has replaced gold medals and NCAA championships as the measuring stick of potential greatness in the industry. It's going to be awhile, unless another Gracie pops up, before UFC can play that card.
Jericho remains a tremendous promo. Randy Orton comes across as a mature heel. The crowd really helped the energy level tonight. I don't think Lance Cade beating Shawn Michaels is a huge deal, except he clearly doesn't care about that kind of thing as much as he did during most of his career. The Rey Mysterio/Evan Bourne-Kane stuff was back to basics, like it needs to be. Santino Morella is a great mid-card comedian, but I think he was on about an hour all told tonight.
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