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"...I've had a lot of people telling me how to run a wrestling company."
And I listened to the wrong ones.
"While I appreciate their contributions, it's time for a change. We have a lot of great things going on in this company."
Like Casual Fridays at the office.
"We've made a lot of changes over the past few months that you might have seen."
Booker T out, Desmond Wolfe in. Take that, dirt sheets.
"And we made an even bigger change last week."
By signing Jim Neidhart.
"I can assure you that we'll have more changes coming in the coming weeks and in the coming months."
So I like the word "coming". Anybody have a problem with that?
"Nobody likes drastic change. Nobody likes big moves."
Except the investors. Stupid investors.
"I understand that. And it affects different people different ways."
Like me. I need a drink.
"And while I respect that those of you out there have differing opinions of the decisions that I'm making, I expect you to support me a hundred percent."
So keep your opinions to yourselves.
"When you question things in this company, you're questioning me. And I cannot allow that to happen."
Questions make my head hurt!
"Business is about choices. I've made the choice to put my finances, my reputation, my passion, my love behind each and every one of you in this company."
Wait a minute. I don't recognize that guy.
"And it's time for you to do the same thing."
Who is he? Maybe he's in the X division. Or one of those masked wrestlers. I'll ask Terry later.
"You have a choice. You can choose to support me."
Seriously, a big glass of wine would hit the spot right now.
"You can choose to support the direction TNA is going. Or you can choose not to."
Hmmmm. What goes with ultimatums? Maybe a nice Pinot Noir.
"But you will need to find another place to work."
Some of you sooner than others. I see you rolling your eyes back there.
"It's time for us to swing for the fences. It really is."
You know what it's like to get outdrawn by a kid in a giant Barney costume? It's embarrassing.
"No great success comes without risk."
Or wealthy parents.
"And I'm great with that. I hope you are too."
Or else.
=======================================
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column!
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Vince Russo, Dixie Carter or anyone else in TNA management. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these projections, but I, in my divine and mystical way, will ascertain the finishes to these matches without watching all the episodes of TNA Impact on Spike TV. Some of our departing contestants will receive the original Mr. Coffee and genuine Mr. Coffee filters. Joe DiMaggio says it's the greatest automatic coffee brewing system ever. Many of our contestants are chosen from our studio audience.Enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope and mail to "Tickets, CBS Television City, 7800 Beverly Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA, 90036. This is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.
As a special bonus, here's your unofficial online Turning Point preview. First, here's the Live Events Center segment with Don West and Abyss. No, really.
Also, enjoy the free "bonus webmatch" from TNAWrestling.com. Because you demanded it, it's Kip James vs. Rob Terry!
On with the show.
Matt Morgan, Hernandez & D'Angelo Dinero vs. Team 3D & Rhino: TNA's creative department has been working for months to turn Matt Morgan and Shawn Hernandez into main eventers, which is why they're wrestling in the opening match on pay-per-view. Yeah. Projection? Hernandez pins Rhino following the Border Toss, leaving everyone wondering why so much television time was devoted to Team 3D and Rhino over the past few months.
Sarita & Taylor Wilde & O.D.B. vs. The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Title & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship): The highlight of this feud was watching Awesome Kong and Tara beat up everyone else on Impact. Get ready for hilarity if Lacey von Erich tries another collar-and-elbow tie up during the course of this match. Projection? Sarita pins Madison Rayne, and the good girls keep their championships.
Tara vs. Awesome Kong (Steel Cage Match): Yes, I heartily endorse this event, match or product. It should be fun if Kong is operating at a hundred percent. Projection? Ms. Kong survives everything Tara dishes out and hits the Awesome Press for the victory.
The Amazing Red vs. Homicide (TNA X Division Title): You'll recall that Homicide booked this match on Impact. It must have been Super Dave's night off. Projection? Amazing Red pulls out a victory with the InfraRed.
Bobby Lashley vs. Scott Steiner: Lashley and Steiner are feuding over Krystal Marshall's affections, but all true wrestling fans know that the object of Krystal's desire is really Teddy Long. Projection? Lashley's rumored to be on his way to Strikeforce MMA, and they could use him. Steiner knocks out Lashley with a flex bar and steals the victory.
The British Invasion vs. Beer Money Incorporated vs. Motor City Machine Guns (Triple Threat Match - TNA World Tag Team Titles): Incredibly, this was not one of the matches "Super" Dave Osborne put together during Impact on Thursday night. Projection? Beer Money wins the "Put the Belts Back On Beer Money Already" match when Robert Roode pins Brutus Magnus.
Kurt Angle vs. Desmond Wolfe: Kurt Angle has been beaten up by Desmond Wolfe. Then he was beaten up again by Desmond Wolfe. Then Desmond Wolfe beat him up again. But it won't matter unless Wolfe can win an actual wrestling match. Projection? Wolfe pins Angle after a good old-fashioned British thumb to the eye.
A.J. Styles vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Samoa Joe (TNA World Heavyweight Title): There's a bald guy attacking A.J. Styles. Has the champion not figured out how many wrestlers with shaved heads are running around Florida these days? For all we know, it was one of the Gymini. Projection? Styles pins Daniels with the Styles clash and takes a postmatch beating for the returning Travis Tomko. Maybe Tomko can get some of his mojo back during his return to TNA.
Aftermath: Next month, we head into Final Resolution 2009. We get the return of the "Feast or Fired" match. I'd have Angle vs. Wolfe II, Mick Foley & Abyss vs. Raven & Dr. Stevie, and A.J. Styles defending his championship against Travis Tomko. Note to Ed Ferrara: If you're invited to wrestle in the "Feast Or Fired" match, don't do it.
*** Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. His Clemson Tigers are a game away from going to the ACC championship. His longer columns appear in the Torch Newsletter. Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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