Email This Article - Contact Us - VIP Sign-Up - Back to Home Page

|

PWTorch VIP members have first-look access to all of Torch columnist Pat McNeill's latest blogs in the newly upgraded VIP Forum. His blogs are published first in the PWTorch VIP Forum, and McNeill interacts with other VIP members and Torch staff and contributors in the blog comments area afterward. Some of McNeill's blog entries will be exclusive to the VIP Forum.

Here's a quick segment-by-segment review of last night's TNA Impact, to save you the wear and tear to your thumb from hitting the fast forward button on your DVR.

Segment 1: Jim Cornette explains tonight's Bunkhouse Stampede main event. Whenever Cornette explains a match and says "It's very simple," that means it's not simple. Jeff Jarrett wants a piece of Kurt Angle. All the sound sweetening in the world can't make it sound like the Impact Zone fans give a rip about Jarrett.

Segment 2: Suicide defends the X Division title against Kiyoshi. Now that they've shown the Suicide leap from the Ultimate X match, no one ever has to watch the DVD of "Destination X 2009". Suicide wins. Are they passing out free Suicide T-shirts in the Impact Zone? A.J. Styles runs down his Top 5 favorite video games of all times, and forgets to mention TNA Impact. A.J. also runs down his high school athletic career and says "I should have stuck with baseball." I can't make this stuff up.

Segment 3: Jeff Jarrett hides behind a pack of wrestlers and security guards in order to avoid a fight with Kurt Angle. Three weeks after Madison Rayne joined the Beautiful People, they're already teasing a breakup. Then we get a music video for "Lockdown."

Segment 4: Brother Ray explains the backstory of The Dudleys and explains that Team 3-D is more valuable as a tag team than as singles. He talks about Stone Cold, who will not be at Lockdown. Mike Tenay interviews Team 3-D and Beer Money, who are sitting right across from each other in the studios. Brother Ray quotes Taz, who will also not be at Lockdown. Sting and Mick Foley will meet in the ring later tonight, where Foley promises to give Sting a manly hug. Awesome Kong & Raisha wrestle the Beautiful People. Angelina pins Raisha. The Beautiful try to hold Kong down and shave her head after the match. That ain't happening.

Segment 5: Angelina Love is featured in the "Webography" segment. After listening to her for three minutes, I've decided it's okay for Vince Russo to script Angelina's promos. Sting and Mick Foley have their in-ring confrontation. At one point, Don West actually suggests that Sting is too smart to buy into Mick Foley's fake apology. Really. Mick Foley says he still has it in him to take a header off a cage. Hooray?

Segment 6: The 20-Man Bunkhouse Stampede Rumble opens with Abyss and A.J. Styles. Two minutes later, Alex Shelley draws #3. Jay Lethal gets in at #4. Unlike the Bunkhouse Stampede, or the Rumble, you can eliminate wrestlers by pinfall or submission.

Segment 7: During the break, Chris Sabin drew #5. Matt Morgan draws #6. Morgan, the heel, runs toward the cage to get at Abyss. Styles and Abyss team up so Abyss can pin Morgan. Buh-bye. Homicide draws #7. The announcers won't be interested until Jeff Jarrett and the Main Event Mafia hit the ring. Scott Steiner is #8.

Segment 8: During the break, Consequences Creed drew #9. Sabin eliminated Homicide. The fans are excited, since this is better than most of the matches at Destination X. Rhino draws #10. Jeff Jarrett draws #11 and Kurt Angle jumps Jarrett in the aisle. Kurt works over Jeff's arm with a chair. The trainers come out to look at The Founder. Naito is in at #12. Lethal eliminates Shelley with the Lethal Combo. Angle draws #13 and stops to beat up Jarrett some more before entering the cage. Angle makes Creed tap to the Anklelock. Angle pins Sabin with the Olympic Slam. An Olympic Slam for Lethal and he's gone. We have a Hack Myers sighting.

Segment 9: During the break, Steiner eliminated Naito and Shane Sewell drew #14. Angle pins Sewell with the Olympic Slam. Sheik Bashir draws #15. And here comes Booker T at #16. The Mafia triple team Styles and Booker pins him with the Bookend. Rhino gores Booker for the pin while Angle and Styles are tied up with Abyss. Yujiro is in at #17. Another Olympic Slam and Angle pins Bashir. Eric Young draws #18. Steiner and Angle team up to pin Abyss. Another Olympic Slam and Angle pins Young. Rhino spears Yujiro and pins him. He is immediately swept up in an Angle Slam and pinned. Angle and Steiner stand alone in the cage.

Hernandez draws #19. He lasts about a minute before Angle pins him with the Olympic Slam. And here comes Jeff Jarrett, with his arm taped up, running back in to the cage. Now the fans are actually rooting for Jeff! Jarrett catches Steiner with the Stroke and pins him. Steiner then catches Jarrett with the Olympic Slam on the bad arm and Angle pins Jarrett. It looks like Angle won, but Samoa Joe comes out at #20 to put an end to that. About a minute later, Joe catches Angle with the Muscle Buster. Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle are team captains for Lethal Lockdown, and Joe's team will have the advantage in the match.

Segment 10: Tenay and West (mostly West) grill Jim Cornette, who explains the finish. Jeremy Borash interviews Kurt Angle. Kurt complains that Jeff is the booker and caused him to lose. He wants Jarrett and Samoa Joe at Lockdown. Lauren Brooke interviews Samoa Joe. Joe and his machete are coming to Lockdown.

Bottom Line: Good main event. Screwy booking. Best episode of Impact in several weeks.

Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.

For more BREAKING NEWS on WWE, TNA!
VISIT OUR AFFILIATE - PROWRESTLING.NET

For UFC & MMA NEWS & BLOGS:
VISIT OUR SISTER SITE - MMATORCH.COM

Upgrade to PWTORCH VIP: DETAILS & SIGN-UP INFO

(c) 1999-2009 TDH Communications Inc. - All rights reserved.