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Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from TNA management. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. No one knows the contents of these projections, but I, in my divine and mystical way, will ascertain the finishes to these matches without watching TNA Impact on Spike TV. Some of our departing contestants will receive a Ronco Pocket Fisherman Spin Casting Outfit, the famous fishing pal that has thrilled generations. Ronco Pocket Fisherman: It's always ready for the fish to strike. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.

Reportedly, there has been a lot of tension lately between TNA boss Dixie Carter and minority owner Jeff Jarrett. Our good friend Jason Powell over at ProWrestling.net reports that Carter wants to bring in fresh faces and move several people off the TNA roster. Jarrett, who is loyal to a fault, doesn't want to let any of his current wrestlers go. I can certainly sympathize with Jarrett's point of view. There's no way TNA Impact could possibly maintain ratins like the 0.95 they drew on Thursday night without the likes of B.G. James, Kip James, Lance Rock, Rhaka Khan, Kevin Nash and Team 3-D on the roster.

O.D.B., Rhaka Khan & Rhino vs. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky & Kip James: The knockouts used to draw the best ratings on TNA Impact. Fortunately, bookers Jarrett and Russo added Kip James to the segments as the Beautiful People's manager. Now the ratings are down. Projection? O.D.B. pins Velvet Sky, and the Beautiful People take one on the chin.

Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin vs. Curry Man vs. Eric Young vs. Johnny Devine vs. Jimmy Rave vs. Petey Williams vs. Shark Boy (Steel Asylum Match): Maybe next month we can have Dave Priner versus Grant Young in a "Soul Asylum" match. Projection? I know the original plan was for Frankie Kazarian to return as "Suicide" and win the match. Last I heard, Kazarian was injured. It's time for Jay Lethal to recover from the awful So Cal Val storyline and pick up a victory to ignite a Lethal vs. Bashir feud over the X Division title. Make it so.

A.J. Styles vs. Booker T. vs. Christian Cage: Three of the best known wrestlers in the promotion are squaring off at Bound for Glory because TNA's bookers have no idea what to do with them. There's a history between Styles and Cage that would explained Christian's recent actions, but that would require referencing storylines that happened earlier this year, and it's too much trouble. Projection? Styles pins Cage with the Styles Clash. This would be especially effective if TNA really thinks Christian is about to jump back to the WWE.

Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed (TNA X Division Title): TNA got rid of the plane crash sound effects in Bashir's entrance music. Thank goodness. Consequences Creed is a talented young wrestler who is being pushed into this spot because he's a fresh face and we're tired of the other X division wrestlers. Projection? Bashir scores the victory, and hopefully revives the Magic Carpet Ride finisher he used to use in Ring of Honor.

Taylor Wilde vs. Awesome Kong vs. Roxxi Leveaux (TNA Knockout Title): There has been an astonishing lack of storyline progression in this feud over the Knockout Title. Okay, maybe I've been dosing through those parts of the show or something. Projection? For crying out loud, put the belt back on Kong already. Unlike Taylor Wilde, Kong and Saeed are actually interesting.

James Storm & Robert Roode vs. Homicide & Hernandez vs. Team 3-D vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan (Monster's Ball - TNA Tag Team Titles): It's a Monster's Ball match with seven wrestlers who know how to do hardcore matches and Matt Morgan. It is also too soon into the reign of Storm and Roode to have this team drop the straps. Projection? Abyss and Morgan split up here. They've been teasing that Abyss will go heel, but that won't work, so let's have Morgan turn on Abyss, and Roode pins the monster for the win. After the match, special referee and former WCW United States champion Steve "Moron" McMichael helps LAX run off the heels.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle (w/ Mick Foley as "Special Guest Enforcer") : Oh, boy. Jeff Jarrett's wrestling again. The good news here is that the head booker was smart enough to pair himself with Kurt Angle, the most talented and most consistent worker in his crew. Projection? A few thousand ref bumps, then Jarrett passes out in the Anklelock and Foley has to stop the match. Angle wins. I'm expecting at least three months out of this feud, so there's no point in kicking things off with the Jarrett victory. Right?

Samoa Joe vs. Sting (TNA World Heavyweight Title): People complain about Sting's promo ability, but on Thursday night the Stinger proclaimed this the most important match of his career, and he did it with a straight face. That takes talent. Projection? If Samoa Joe can't score the fall over Sting here, nobody is going to take Joe seriously. Of course, Joe couldn't beat Booker cleanly last month, but if we start thinking this way, we'll never get anywhere. Joe gets the pin off a Muscle Buster and wins clean.

Aftermath: Next month is Turning Point 2008, which is conveninetly scheduled against the Giants versus Eagles game on NBC. Let's go with Samoa Joe vs. A.J. Styles, Jeff Jarrett & Mick Foley vs. Sting & Kurt Angle, and Abdul Bashir vs. Jay Lethal.

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He thinks Vic Koenning should get the first shot at the Clemson football coaching job, should it become available. His longer columns appear in the Torch Newsletter.

Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.

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