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Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from TNA management. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a supply of Golden Dipt Seasoned Coating Mix. This well balanced Batter Mix helps seal in natural juices with a flavorful, golden coating, while making your cooking easy. From McCormick. If you are fortunate enough to spin a natural triple in the bonus game you win $1,000 and the prize package. However, if the Devil comes up at any time in one of the three windows, your game is over. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Also remember that my projections are based on what I would do if I had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.

What's the big story this month? How about Mick Foley? The former WWE champion and current Smackdown color commentator is reportedly planning to leave WWE in a few weeks when his contract expires. After viewing numerous episodes of WWE Smackdown and TNA Impact, my conclusion is that Mick Foley should be the next color commentator for TNA Impact. WWE has enough announcer depth that they could afford to lose Foley. My other conclusion is that Don West should be in charge of picking out Mick Foley's suits. No matter what you have to say about West as a wrestling commentator, the man's color coordination has been fantastic these past six years. Plus, there are lots of other ways West can contribute to the company and its broadcasts. On with the show!

There is a serious possibility of an eighth match on this pay-per-view. If it happens, expect it to be something like Sheik Abdul Bashir defeating Curry Man.

Gail Kim, ODB & Taylor Wilde vs. Angelina Love, Velvet Sky & Awesome Kong: Even though the TNA Knockouts are often the highest-rated portion of the company's weekly television show, their only appearance on this major pay-per-view. The other real story here is that Bill DeMott is appaearing on TNA television. Projection? Awesome Kong takes a bite of Taylor Wilde, pinning her after the implant buster to prolong the only money feud in this division.

Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt (Tuxedo Match): No, we're not going to be calling it by the ridiculous name TNA gave it. Projection? Lethal strips Dutt down to his skivvies for the win, but Sonjay Dutt manages to make So Cal Val feel sorry for him yet again. There's no way this feud will be resolved during a pay-per-view. That's not the Total Nonstop Action way.

Petey Williams vs. Consequences Creed (TNA X Division Title): Consequences Creed is an entertaining wrestler but sriously, what the hell? Projection? Petey eventually pins Creed with the flip piledriver. Nothing to see here. Please move on.

Christian Cage & Rhino vs. Team 3-D (Jersey Street Fight) : The highlight here will be trying to figure out what the crack TNA set design crew will do with this special stipulation match. Projection? They need to go through the window at Satriale's, and then get beaten up by a group of swarthy Italian-American men. Short of that, Rhino puts Brother Devon through a table for the win.

Rap Concert: The show will feature a live performance by rappers Ice-T, Filthee and Grandmaster Caz. I know who Ice-T is, and his performance might be amusing for a few minutes. I lost interest in the rest of this segment upon finding out that "Grandmaster Caz" isn't Frankie Kazarian under a hood. If TNA has any sense of humor, they'll send Jim Cornette out to provide the introductions and explain that people come to pro wrestling shows for the rap music.

Homicide & Hernandez vs. James Storm & Robert Roode (TNA Tag Team Titles): Didn't we see this last month? Oh, yes, we did. We also saw it on Thursday night, but why quibble? Projection? Homicide gains revenge for the latest dastardly attack and beats Storm following a Gringo Cutter.

A.J. Styles vs. Kurt Angle (Last Man Standing Match): This is the most intriguing match on the show, one which will answer the question of exactly how injured your former Olympic hero is, and how much this will look like a normal match. Projection? Angle beats Styles after Frank Trigg intereferes. Is there another finish to one of these matches?

Samoa Joe vs. Booker T (Cage Full O' Weapons - TNA World Heavyweight Title): Here we go again. It is absolutely amazing that TNA could put together a stipulation match like this between two of the most famous wrestlers in the world, and no one cares. Projection? Samoe Joe uses a table saw on Booker T and scores the victory.

Aftermath: Next month is No Surrender. Best guess is Samoa Joe teaming with Abyss against Sting and Booker T, and the long awaited dream match of A.J. Styles against Frank Trigg.

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Va. has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He recommends the book "Blackwater" by Jeremey Scahill to people looking for an interesting late summer read. His "McNeill Factor" column appears weekly in the Torch Newsletter.

Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.

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