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Wake the pets and call the neighbors, it's time for this month's WWE pay-per-view projections!

DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Partially Paralyzed Vince McMahon or other members of the McMahon Family. Projections are not predictions. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of Starburst fruit chews. Available in five different varieties. Furnished by M&M Mars. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. These predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had creative control over WWE, except for the big management shakeup.

As awful as it is to admit this, the Vickie Guerrero and Edge wedding material on Smackdown over the past few weeks was pretty good, as long as you didn't miss professional wrestling while it's on. Over on Raw, ratings dropped to a 3.2 this week. Some have speculated the ratings drop was due to the MLB Home Run Derby, even though the All-Star Game itself didn't put a dent in the ratings for ECW. Best guess? About seven percent of the Raw audience saw that Bradshaw was in the main event this week and decided to channel surf.

On the Pre-Show: WWE will definitely show the grand finale of Edge and Vickie Guerrero's wedding reception from Friday Night Smackdown, in case you missed or are too lazy to watch it on tape or DVR. See if Jack Korpela has on a lighter, summer-weight suit.

John Morrison & Mike Mizanin vs. Fit Finlay & Hornswoggle Finlay vs. Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder vs. Festus Dalton & Jesse Dalton (Fatal Four Way - WWE Smackdown Tag Team Titles): Miz and Morrison have upset all the wrong people over on Smackdown, so it's time for everyone to get even with the champs, or at least make the effort. Projection? Expect an interesting brawl when Festus and Finlay get in there. In the end, Morrison pins Jesse Dalton with the Moonlight Drive for the victory.

Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho (w/ Lance Cade) : The top feud on Raw for the past months has featured incredible interaction between two of the company's most entertaining performers. In the immortal words of Dennis DeYoung, don't let it end this way. Projection? Despite Jericho's dominating the last two-thirds of the match, Michaels takes it with a rollup, and gets ransacked by Jericho and Cade for his troubles.

John Cena vs. John B. Layfield (Parking Lot Brawl): John Layfield tried to run John Cena over with a car. It was an attempted murder, even by the most lenient WWE storyline measures. Of course, that leads us to a special stipulation match. This is pro wrestling, you know. Projection? Cena survives the hazardous environment, and Cryme Tyme keeps any of JBL's potential seconds from interfering. Let's go with an F-U Driver on the hood of a car for the Cena victory.

Michelle McCool vs. Natalya Neidhart (WWE Divas Championship): This is definitely a Smackdown-friendly show on Sunday night, what with three Smackdown championships on the line. This should be especially interesting as second generation superstar Neidhart battles MMA specialist McCool. Projection? While it would be great to have outside interference from Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart, Natalya wins by using the ropes for leverage.

Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Tommy Dreamer (ECW Heavyweight Title Match): Did you notice that the ECW ratings have gone up since last month's title change? Mark Henry is a draw. It just took ten years and a few racially offensive statements for anyone to notice. Projection? Tommy Dreamer winning a pay-per-view match? Not seeing it. The World's Strongest Slam finishes the former ECW champion.

C.M. Punk vs. Dave Batista (Raw World Title Match): Obviously, a clean victory over a top star like "The Animal" Dave Batista would be just the ticket to get C.M. Punk over as a fighting champion. Unfortunately, it would also give WWE only four weeks to build up a new challenger for SummerSlam, so that's not happening. Projection? Expect outside interference from John Bradshaw Layfield and new friend Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Junior, leading to a no contest. JBL refuses to let go of his plan to regain the Raw World Heavyweight Title.

Triple H vs. Edge (WWE Heavyweight Title): Edge does not have the support of Vickie Guerrero or La Familia after Friday's show. Somehow, making a title change less likely is supposed to add intrigue to this match. Or, is this a sting to make Triple H overconfident. Projection? Wedding Planner Lady debuts as Edge's new manager, but that isn't enough to defeat The Kingdom and The Power known as Triple H. Hunter takes it with the Pedigree.

Aftermath: Time for SummerSlam! Who else is excited? How about Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy, C.M. Punk's big rematch with Dave Batista, and Shawn Michaels meeting up with Chris Jericho in a ladder match?

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Pat McNeill of Richmond, Virginia has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. He is really happy to see NFL training camps open up. His longer, weekly column appears exclusively in the Torch Newsletter. Pat McNeill’s first book, "The Tables All Were Broken", is still available from many fine booksellers who didn't get the memo.


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