MCNEILL'S TAKE
McNEILL previews TNA Against All Odds (Just Let Him Leave Without A Trace)
Feb 8, 2008 - 5:27:46 PM |
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By Pat McNeill, Torch Columnist
Wake the pets and call the neighbors. It's time for our monthly TNA pay-per-view preview column.
DISCLAIMER: Projections are made by myself and for myself with absolutely no assistance from Vince %$@&*!ing Russo, Dutch Mantell, Jeff Jarrett or even Jonny Fairplay. Projections aren't quite the same thing as predictions. This preview has been sealed in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnall's porch since noon today. Some of our departing contestants will receive a year's supply of Creamette's brand macaroni and pasta (easy quick recipes are placed on each box). Any rebroadcast or other use of this column without the express written consent of Pro Wrestling Torch, Wade Keller or Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited. Remember, this is only an exhibition. This is not a competition. Please, please, no wagering. This lineup is based on the best available information as of this writing. Predictions are based on what the columnist would do if he had booking control over Total Nonstop Action.
Those of you in the Greenville, South Carolina area will be thrilled to know that good seats are still available for this show. Lots and lots of good seats. Some of you may be less thrilled to learn that the Barbed Wire Massacre had to be pretaped. After all, the show is in South Carolina, where the Athletic Commission is strict. TNA couldn't get away with running roughshod over them the way WWE has run roughshod over state athletic commissions for years.
Also, for those of you wondering, my attitude toward TNA Impact has softened considerably, especially now that I haven't tried to recap that silly program for the several weeks. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder!
Petey Williams vs. Scott Steiner (Battle For The Briefcases): Months later, we're still having disputes over the briefcases from the Feast or Fired match. The winner gets two title shots, until the booking committee can up with a way to extend the storyline out even further. Projection? Steiner eventually gets the win with a belly-to-belly suplex, but Petey's various poses win him the respect of the much larger man, .
Traci Brooks vs. Payton Banks: Payton is hot. Traci has enormous breasts. Payton can wrestle. Traci can hang with a good wrestler. There's your analysis. Projection? On one hand, the feud's just begun. On the other hand, why would any sane person want to drag this out? Ms. Brooks scores the pinfall with a spear.
Eric Young vs. James Storm (TNA Drinking Championship): From what I understand, James Storm gets to pick the stipulation for this "match". As a thirty-something American, I find myself at a loss. What happened to the simple drinking games of days gone by? Quarters? Cardinal Puff? Buzz? Anyone? Projection? Eric Young wins in a spirited game of Beer Pong. No imported beers along, even if Showtime is Canadian.
Booker T vs. Robert Roode: According to Impact, Booker T's arrival in Orlando at Genesis was TNA's "Most Memorable Moment of The Year". The least memorable moment of the year? Everything Booker's been involved in after his arrival. You know, Robert Roode can beat up women, screw over Eric Young, and wrestle Booker T. every month for the next year, and he's still never getting out of the midcard while he has that goofy gimmick. Projection? Bookend. Axe kick. End this feud now, before The Book disappears completely into that TNA midcard
A.J. Styles & Travis Tomko vs. Brian G. James & Bob Armstrong James (TNA Tag Team Titles): While it's obvious Styles and Tomko need to break up, but it isn't obvious that B.G. and Bob are the right choice to hold the tag belts. Projection? Tomko beats up the older team to retain the title, A.J. goofs around with Karen Angle or does something else that's allegedly funny.
Abyss Mitchell vs. Judas Mesias Mitchell w/ James Mitchell (Barbwire Massacre): This one should be easy to project, seeing as it already took place. Projection? Abyss beats Mesias handily to END THIS STUPID STORYLINE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Judas Mesias returns to Poochie's home planet. Abyss goes back to NOT TALKING, EVER.
Jay Lethal & Motor City Machineguns vs. Johnny Devine & Team 3-D (Hardcore Street Fight): One of the Torch message board subscribers came up with a logical finish for this match, where Johnny Devine, realizing that his X division title will be meaningless if his team wins, turns on Ray and Devon. That makes a lot of sense, so much that it will never happen. Projection? Lethal eventually pins Devon with the big elbow (Poor Devon). The former Dudleys grease the skids for their exit from TNA, if that's still what they want to do.
Awesome Kong (w/ Awesome Raisha Saeed ) vs. O.D.B. (TNA Women's Title): The closest thing to a pure wrestling storyline on this program features the scrappy, hooch-swilling, top-heavy challenger against the formidable, full-figured champion. Apparently, this promotion does know how to book wrestling storylines, they just choose not to. Projection? Kong scores the win, but needs interference from Raisha to pull it off.
Kurt Angle vs. Christian Cage (TNA World Title – Samoa Joe Is Special Guest Enforcer): Samoa Joe, Karen Angle, Tomko, Jim Cornette and Kevin Nash all have roles to play in this match, even though they're not the ones wrestling in it. They don't use the word "overbooked" around the TNA offices. Projection? Angle gets by with an Olympic Slam after Cage is distracted by all the ringside shenanigans from the usual suspects. Joe chokes out Angle after the match to stake his claim to the championship.
Aftermath: Next month we arrive at Destination X. Samoa Joe will wrestle Kurt Angle for the TNA Heavyweight Title (again). Tomko will wrestle A.J. Styles (we hope), and Awesome Kong teams with Raisha Saeed to fight Gail Kim and O.D.B. From what we hear, good seats are still available in Norfolk.
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Pat McNeill of Fairfax, Virginia has been a Torch columnist since February 2001. His weather outside is frightful, but watching pro wrestling is so delightful. His "McNeill Factor" column appears weekly in the Torch Newsletter.
Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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