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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
SEPTEMBER 18, 2009
AIRED ON MY NETWORK

[Q1]

-They opened with a clip of Undertaker apparently winning the WWE Championship at Breaking Point, but then G.M. Teddy Long reversing the decision. The narrator called it the most controversial finish of a WWE Title match in history, apparently more so than the Survivor Series '97 finish.

-A black limo drove up backstage and Long walked out, looking around like he expected a hitman to be hiding behind a corner. He waved in a dozen security guards whom he told to stay close to him and protect him. He acted paranoid around every corner. Then the Smackdown opening aired.

-Justin Roberts introduced Batista, who jogged onto the stage wearing jeans and a white button up t-shirt and sunglasses. Jim Ross exclaimed, "He's back!" Batista slapped hands with fans at ringside and also Ross and Todd Grisham at the announce desk. He then walked into the ring and addressed the crowd. He said his contract with Raw expired and for once he got to decide where he would wrestle. He said, "No draft, no trades, my choice, and I chose to be here on Smackdown, the blue team, the A-show. That's right, I said it." He said he can't wait to get started. It's nice that they gave us an explanation for why he ended up switching from Raw to Smackdown. That was an open question after Raw on Monday. Chris Jericho's music interrupted Batista.

Jericho walked to the ring. Jericho said fans may be happy, but he makes him sick. He called Batista an injury-prone loser like Edge. He said he panders to the parasites, begging for cheers from the hypocrites, hoping for an award because he got injured and came back. Batista just stood there and laughed. Jericho said he is the new face of Smackdown because Batista's been gone so long. Batista replied, "What I was always told was to be The Man, you've got to beat The Man." He revealed that he has a match against later. He then gave Jericho a spinebuster.

-They went to Ross and Grisham at ringside who talked about what just happened. They showed Batista giving a final big smile to the Smackdown crowd as he exited. Ross said, "Jericho just might be right."

-Backstage, Jericho yelled at Big Show for not being there for him. Show told Jericho that he told him he wanted to do this by himself. Jericho said thats true. He reminded Show that he was the first Undisputed Champion and he pinned Batista last time he wrestled him for the World Title. He told Show, in the midst of a fit, that he's going to show him he can do it himself. Show just stood there and seemed ready to roll his eyes at Jericho's tantrum.

-Ross and Grisham plugged an interview with Scott Armstrong coming up later. [c]

[Q2]

-Dolph Ziggler joined Ross and Grisham at ringside.

1 -- JOHN MORRISON vs. MIKE KNOX

A pre-match promo aired where Mike Knox talked about "rapid leg syndrome." He told Morrison they haven't found a cure yet. We have no idea what that meant. Ziggler said Knox was going to pummel Morrison. At 1:00 Morrison flip dove onto Knox off the ring apron onto the floor. They cut away to a break just as Ross asked Ziggler if he was ashamed of how he treated Pat Patterson at Breaking Point. [c] Ross asked Ziggler again about Patterson. He said he had a run, but not a very good one. Meanwhile, Knox dominated Morrison in the ring including a nasty big boot to the back of Morrison's head. Morrison spun out of a side slam attempt and turned it into a DDT. Both were slow to get up. Morrison covered Knox for a two count at 8:00. Morrison went on a string of offense including a standing shooting star press for a two count. Ziggler said if Morrison didn't spend so much time celebrating before he made the cover he'd have won. Good point. Knox made a brief comeback, but Morrison hit Starship Pain for the win. Grisham said he doesn't think anyone has kicked out of Starship Pain.

WINNER: Morrison in 9:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Solid TV match.

-After the match Morrison addressed Ziggler. He said he hoped he had a good time playing footsie with Grisham. He said in their upcoming match, the only name the WWE Universe is going to be chanting is "Mr. Ziggles." Ziggler yelled, "That's not my name" as the crowd began the chant. He walked to the back. Morrison said he'd see him at the pay-per-view.

-They went to Ross and Grisham at ringside. Grisham brought up the finish of the Taker-C.M. Punk match. Ross narrated clips of the controversial finish, with ref Scott Armstrong claiming Taker tapped out. Ross said Punk and the ref ran to the back together afterward.

-Josh Matthews asked Armstrong why he did what he did on Sunday. Armstrong said he's asked himself that many times since Sunday. He said what he was asked to do on Sunday he's never been asked to do before. He said he was asked to do something by someone with more power than him. He said he has a wife and kids and "they're the reason for my season, so to speak." He said he was asked to do something he knew was wrong and made him sick to stomach before he walked out there and when he was in the ring. He said he's not proud of it, but he makes no excuses and he did what he had to do to keep his job.

[Q3] [c]

-A commercial said Oct. 2 will feature a special look at a decade of Smackdown.

2 - MICHELLE MCCOOL vs. MELINA - Non-Title match

Michelle dominated early with stiff offense. Melina came back, let out some screams, and attacked McCool with a flurry of moves. However, she charged into a McCool elbow and then took a boot to the face for a near fall. Grisham asked if anyone in WWE history had the type of flexibility that Melina does. Ross said no, although he could have suggested perhaps Rob Van Dam. Melina came back for the win a minute later.

WINNER: Melina in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Better than average TV women's match, for sure.

-Long again told his security to watch his back all night. Vince McMahon walked in and wanted to speak to long. Vince asked Long where his picture was. He also brought up the surprise that he promised would change the face of Smackdown. He said Batista was magnificent and extraordinary. He said last week he also said he's come up with something big at Breaking Point. Vince said he sure came up with something big. He then asked him why he double-crossed the Undertaker. As Long began to say that Vince told him to do it, Vince interrupted and said all he told Long was "entertain those people." Long tried to break in, but Vince wouldn't let him. Vince said Long owes him an explanation for what he did and it better be the right answer. He said he owes the WWE Universe an answer. He told him to go to the ring and he'd be in his office listening. "Tell them why you double-crossed the Undertaker. By the way, I wouldn't want to be you. Do you have any idea what the Undertaker is going to do to you?" [c]

-Theodore Long came out to boos from the fans. He was surrounded by his crack security squad. Will we get a “You screwed Taker *clap clap clap-clap-clap*” chant? During his entrance, they showed the video from the opening. Long said he’d like to personally welcome Batista back to Smackdown. Then he said he came out to make an admission. “You suck” chants. He admitted that everything was pre-planned to prevent Undertaker from becoming the World Champion. Long said he isn’t going to say he’s proud of what he did, because he’s not. He also admitted he was afraid of the Undertaker. Long said he wasn’t the only one involved in this: Scott Armstrong was, as well as C.M. Punk. He said the reason he did what he did was because he’s got a family to take care of and he can’t let his family down. He can’t be standing in the unemployment line and he’s too old to learn to do something new. He apologized for his actions, to the fans and to Taker. Long said he hopes that Taker will forgive him.

[Q5]

-Ross introduced a clip of what happened during the break. Long got into his limo which happened to have cameras pointing at the front and back of the interior. He asked the driver to go. It didn't move. Long called for the driver. The window rolled down and it was Undertaker. He said, "Buckle up, Teddy." The lights went purple and fog filled the limo and Long looked spooked. Then the limo drove off.

-C.M. Punk was introduced as the only Straight Edge World Champion in history. I wonder if Bob Backlund drank booze or smoked pot during his reign. He said, "I told you so." He listed what he said he was going to do that he has done, such as win the title, "get rid of Jeff Hardy forever," and make Undertaker tapout to the Anaconda Vice. He said he didn't come out there to brag about being the first and only man to make Undertaker tap out. He came out there to confront the Undertaker "in my ring, or my yard, if you will." He said he wanted to stick the title belt in his face and tell him, "I told you so." He said he is "conveniently" not around. He said he's been accused of preaching to the fans. He said they need to be preached to by someone who is righteous, not self-righteous. He said by the looks of half of the fans, they've already given up. He called them out for relying on drugs and drinking to get through each day. I'm surprised Punk has thrown fast food and processed food into his rants, although considering he had a Pepsi tattoo, he's in a bit of a glass house when it comes to a pristine diet he can preach from the mountain top about. [c]

3 -- CYRME TME (w/Eve) vs. THE HART DYNASTY (w/Natalya)

After a minute of typically mundane action with David Hart Smith in the ring against Shad, Shad pressed him and dropped him over the top rope to the floor.

[Q6] [c]

At 9:00 Shad hot-tagged J.T.G. to almost zero pop, making you long for the artificial cheer machine to kick in. J.T.G. played to the crowd to try to get a response, but he got little from the Canadian fans siding with the Hart Dynasty. Smith broke up a pin attempt by Tyson. When Natalya got on the ring apron, Eve yanked her down. Meanwhile, Smith kicked J.T.G. from the ring apron. Tyson then hit J.T.G. with a blockbuster for the win.

WINNER: Hart Dynasty in 11:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* - Yawn.

-Backstage, Melina walked into the Divas locker room and the camera operator bravely followed. There were pictures all over the wall - dozens of them - of Dolph embracing Michelle McCool. Maria walked into the room and saw the pictures and began to break down. Melina tried to console her. Maria said she is sure Dolph has a logical explanation. Maria was upset that Melina didn't come to her if she thought something was going on. She blamed her for putting pictures all over the wall. Melina did a terrible job defending herself and explaining she was taking the pictures down, not putting them up. Maria said she was done with her and walked away. [c]

[Q7]

-Breaking Point highlights aired, then Ross plugged Hell in a Cell.

4 -- THE GREAT KHALI (w/Ranjin Singh) vs. KANE

After a brief scuffle in mid-ring, Khali sent Kane to ringside for safety. Khali followed. Kane bashed Khali over the skull with a chair. Khali didn't protect himself much, but he side-swiped his head which in theory doesn't have the same impact as coming straight down. The ref DQ'd Khali. Kane then put Khali's leg on the bottom of the steps and bashed his leg with the top of the stairs. Well, he didn't even come close to Khali's leg in actuality, though. He hit the steps over and over and it looked really lame. The good news is this is the end of both Khali matches and Singh as an on-air character.

WINNER: Khali via DQ in 1:00. [c]

-They showed Khali being stretchered to the back. Ross said Khali is a nice, good-hearted guy. He hoped he hadn't ended his career. Wasn't Khali a monster killer heel not long ago? Then came the Kiss-Cam and all was forgiven once Khali smiled.

-A clip aired of the R-Truth-McIntyre feud.

[Q8]

-Charlie Haas stood in the ring. He was scheduled to face R-Truth. Ross said, "This'll be a good one." He's the only one thinking that. Drew McIntyre walked out and said R-Truth couldn't be there, so that made Haas the winner by default. He then gave Haas a DDT. [c]

5 -- BATISTA vs. CHRIS JERICHO

Jericho slapped Batista at the start. Batista lifted Jericho and charged into the corner with several shoulder drives and a powerslam followed by a weak cover. Batista used a drop toe hold to drop Batista. Batista clutched his knee as Jericho slidekicked Batista off the apron and to the floor. They showed Big Show watching on the monitor backstage. Grisham touted the blue chip signing of Batista by Smackdown. Ross called it a "proverbial five-star recruit." Batista avoided a Lionsault at 4:00 and then hit a spinebuster. Batista stomped the mat to signal for the Batista Bomb, then went for it. Jericho escaped and nailed Batista with an enzuigiri for a two count. Batista met Jericho flying off the top rope with a clothesline. Batista charged, but Jeicho sidestepped him and rolled him up with his feet on the second rope for added leverage. Batista lifted his shoulder at two. Batista set up a Batista Bomb, but Jericho powered out and applied the Walls of Jericho. Batista, who had been favoring his knee throughout the match, powered outJericho then set up a Code Breaker, but Batista shifted into the Batista Bomb and executed it for the win.

WINNER: Batista in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Jericho did a nice job carrying Batista, who seemed especially winded in this short match. Nice believable near falls and reversals of big moves in the final minutes.

-Matthews interviewed Big Show backstage. Show said Batista got lucky. He said if he faces Batista next week, his luck will run out. Grisham said the challenge has been made.

QUOTEBOOK

Jim Ross: "I think Batista has always felt more comfortable on Friday Night Smackdown."

Chris Jericho: "Babies are smiling, birds are cheering, and the sky is clear because Batista is back."

Dolph Ziggler: "I've learned from the very few mistakes I've made in my life."

Dolph Ziggler on Pat Patterson: "He's a Hall of Famer. So what? He had his day, he had a run. It wasn't that good of a run, but it was a run."

Dolph Ziggler on John Morrison: "He looks great. He does some incredible things in the ring. You know, he is almost as good as I am. That is impressive."

Dolph Ziggler: "I hope the Palace of Wisdom has a large ice machine for Morrison's back when he gets there."

Dolph Ziggler: "Morrison is one of those guys with a big ego. I can't stand people like that. It's gotta be a turn-off to everyone else."

Todd Grisham on Melina: "I've never heard a scream like that. It's like an Alfred Hitchcock movie gone awry."

Jim Ross on Melina's screams: "There are Canadian Huskies barking all over the north."

Jim Ross to Grisham after he described "this hold" generically: "That would be a Dragon Sleeper, Todd. And it is a submission maneuver. I'll show you later. I'll need help with it, though. I can't bend over that far at this stage of the game."

C.M. Punk on WWE fans: "What kind of existence do you have that you need to pop a pill to get out of bed, and then you ravage your body with pitchers of beer and that's supposed to somehow heal your self-worth. And then you inhale poison into your lungs to calm your nerves. And then at the end of your sad, pathetic, lonely day, you need another pill to help you sleep. You are all just a legion of inebriated zombies waiting in line at the pharmacy with your hand out begging and pleading for that newest anti-depressant that you think is going to put an artificial smile on your face. You scratch and you claw for scapegoats for all of you inadequacies. And believe me, you have a lot of inadequacies. And don't tell me you don't self-medicate yourself to forget about it all. Don't tell me you don't self-medicate to hide from all of your inadequacies. Don't deny it, because if you do, you're a liar, too."

C.M. Punk: "If you're not straight edge like me, I'm simply better than you."

Jim Ross in response: "He truly believes he's a better human being than everyone else."


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