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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
AUGUST 31, 2009
AIRED LIVE ON USA NETWORK

WHAT HAPPENED

[Q1]

-The Raw opening aired. Then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show as Dusty Rhodes's ring entrance took place. Dusty first talked about his entrance into the WWE Hall of Fame. Then he complimented Detroit (cheap heat). Then he said he's proud of his son Cody Rhodes despite some of his shenanigans. He announced he was booking his son against Randy Orton for the WWE Title in the main event, and he'd be in Cody's corner. He said special referee would be John Cena.

Orton walked to the ring. He told Dusty that he's just jealous that Cody looks up to him (Orton) more than he's ever looked up to Dusty. He asked Dusty what makes him think Cody will even agree to wrestle him later. Dusty ignored the question and said Cody is hungrier than him and athletically gifted. He said he'll be there to raise his arm in victory. Orton said he's setting himself up for a major disappointment "old man." He asked him to give him a reason he shouldn't kick him in the skull. Cody's music then played. He walked onto the stage and Dusty gave a Randy a look as if to say, "There's my reason."

Cody walked out. Lawler said this could be the destruction of Legacy right before their very eyes. Cody took the mic and said, "This man who you kicked in the head two years ago happens to be my father." Dusty smiled as Cody said his father's legacy runs deeper than either of theirs. He said he and Randy are associates and maybe even friends, but this is a golden opportunity that he will not pass on. He said he intends tonight to become the youngest WWE Champion in history. He told Orton it's not personal, it's strictly business. Orton looked to Dusty and assessed the odds being stacked against him with Dusty at ringside and Cena at ringside. "Obviously the fix is in," he said. Dusty said, "You better believe it, Randy. The fix is in."

-They cut backstage to the referee explaining directions to six Divas backstage regarding the battle royal up next. [c]

[Q2]

-A commercial announced that ECW would feature Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels tomorrow night.

(1) "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix won a battle royal over Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendes, Alicia Fox, and Jillian Hall. American Dream Six-Diva Battle Royal for a Diva Title shot later on Raw. It came down to Jillian vs. Kim. Some awkwardness ensued to the point that fans noticed and began cat-calling and booing the botched spots. Hall tossed Kim over the top rope but she held onto the top rope and didn't hit the floor. Kim head scissors Hall over the top rope to the floor, and even that didn't look good as the first spot was missed and the second was both telegraphed and came loose at the end so Jillian had to leap herself over the to rope. Ugly ugly ulgy two minutes there. However, Glamazon then showed up and knocked Kim off the ring apron. Cole pointed out she hadn't been officially eliminated and had been hanging out on the ring apron. Lawler said he had forgotten about her. (neg. *)

-Chris Jericho made his ring entrance. [c]

[Q3]

(2) Chris Jericho pinned MVP in 9:00. Jericho went on early offense. Lawler said Jericho told him he was embarrassed when he lost to MVP because there's no way MVP could beat him without cheating. Cole said, surprisingly: "He may have a point." Jericho slapped MVP a few times at 1:00 after downing him. That drew a comeback out of MVP with a series of punches, a clothesline, and an overhead released suplex. Jericho reversed MVP into a Walls of Jericho attempt. MVP resisted and broke free and then hit a big boot to the face for a two count at 3:00. Jericho avoided a running boot in the corner and then dropkicked MVP off the ring apron. With MVP on the floor, they cut to a break. [c] Jericho had MVP in the obligatory post-commercial-break-mathold; it was a sleeper in this instance. MVP fought out of it and charged Jericho, but met his boot. MVP fired back with a punch to Jericho's gut. Jericho fired back with a running modified bulldog. He missed with a Lionsault. MVP hit a basement dropkick and then played to the crowd at 8:00. He went into his Ballin' routine and scored a near fall. MVP went for a Playmaker, but Jericho reversed it into a Walls attempt. MVP turned it into a small package for a near fall. Jericho then hit a sudden Code Breaker for the win. Nice TV match. (**1/2)

-Backstage Triple H and Shawn Michaels, draped in DX merchandise, walked up to Dusty Rhodes. Triple H said his son Cody is a disgrace to his heritage. Same for Randy and Bob Jr., he said. Dusty didn't seem offended. He said he understood what they were saying, but he insisted he had a lot of influence on them. He said he wants to be sure that after Cody wins the title tonight, he gives one of them a title shot. Triple H assumed he'd get it, so Michaels took exception. Michaels said, "Heaven knows you haven't had enough opportunities!" After some heated, yet cartoonish words, Triple H said they shouldn't argue in front of Dusty and should discuss it "when we get home." They paused and seemed bored. Dusty asked them to hang out with him tonight and they'll watch the "History of WCW" DVD. Then Dusty held up his DVD case. Triple H said he hates shameless plugs. Triple H then pulled out his DX DVD. They decided to watch the WCW DVD. Michaels seemed to have trouble with the DVD player. Triple H told Dusty he's not good with those things, even breaking a projector at Summerslam.

-They showed Hornswoggle dressed as a cowboy headed to the entrance tunnel.

[Q4] [c]

(3) Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero in a Hogtie match. Hornswoggle was dressed as a cowboy. Chavo came to the ring in a cow outfit. That's called foreshadowing the ending. The ref revealed a final stip by Dusty Rhodes - he had to wear a gigantic mascot cow head. It almost fell off early, but Chavo put it back on. A minute later Chavo took off the cow head and climbed to the top rope. Evan Bourne came to ringside and distracted him. Hornswoggle yanked him off the top rope and then entered the ring and wrapped him up in the rope to hogtie him for the win. Afterward, Chavo went after Hornswoggle, but he bit him in the butt. Bourne then dropkicked him, setting up a Hornswoggle frog splash. Bourne put the cow head on him and then a big cow moo noise blared from the sound system. He then splashed Chavo. Lawler: "I've seen it all now." One of Lawler's old booking tricks in Memphis was bringing out a wrestling gorilla? Or was it a bear? Or was it Frankenstein's monster? Or maybe all three. Anyway, he's not one to talk. The running gag of each Guest Host trying to humiliate Chavo more than the last one did is getting kinda funny since it is so outlandish, but it's one of those moments where I hope nobody who knows what I do for a living chooses at that very moment to see what Raw is all about. [c]

-WWE Fact: John Cena has granted over 140 wishes for the Make-A-Wish Foundation - and is the most requested star from either the WWE, NBA, or NHL. (Reading into that, it means there are NFL and MLB stars who get more requests.)

[Q5]

(4) Mark Henry beat The Big Show via DQ in 4:00. Lawler noted that Henry wears a 16 Triple-E boot, but Big Show wears a size 22 boot. Lawler wondered if anyone ever put Big Show in a headlock before. Show speared Henry at 3:00 (felt like 30:00). Henry splashed Show in the corner twice, then knocked him over mid-ring. After a splash, he scored a two count. Show removed a turnbuckle cover and, right in front of the referee, shoved Henry face-first into it. The ref called for the DQ. Show gave Henry a KO punch after the bell, flattening him and giving Henry a reason for revenge at Breaking Point.

-Backstage Cody tightened his boots. Ted DiBiase asked if he was ready. Cody said he is ready to make an impact. Orton walked in and asked Cody if he really wants to go through with it. Orton said no matter what happens in that ring, it's not personal, it's just business. [c]

-They showed a video monitor showing the moment on the "Rise & Fall of WCW" DVD where Hulk Hogan knocked Kevin Nash over with a finger to the chest and pinned him. Shawn Michaels said, "I never went down there. How did you let that happen?" Dusty said the guy in charge then was a friend of theirs named Big Sexy. Michaels and Hunter got uncomfortable. Hunter said if they were there they wouldn't have let that happen. Hunter said Dusty should have stopped him. Dusty said from 1996-'98 WCW kicked WWE's butt. Michaels said that's just because WCW used old WWE guys. Dusty asked what years Michaels was on top. Michaels began twitching and said '96-'98. Triple H said they made a big comeback that spring. Dusty asked Michaels what years was it when Michaels didn't participate due to a back injury. Michaels said it was 1998, then he snapped that Hunter and Rhodes were having a good time at his expense. He stormed away. Hunter said that was awkward. He said Michaels is still being wound about not being part of the Attitude Era. Hunter then took a dig at Marc Mero's "Johnny B. Badd" gimmick while also calling him a "no talent nobody." Dusty bashfully admitted the Badd gimmick was his idea. Michaels then barged back in and exclaimed, "The Attitude Era! You gotta be kidding me? I thought that was my idea anyway. You guys are rolling in the dough and I'm sitting at home doing nothing. Attitude, my backside!"

[Q6] [c]

(5) Kofi Kingston beat Carlito, Jack Swagger, and The Miz in 9:00 to retain the U.S. Title. Miz sat out the start of the match, letting the other three wear themselves out. Lawler and Cole debated whether it was a sound strategy. Lawler argued that someone could score a pin while he was watching at ringside. Cole said he was saving his energy for later. Kofi dove onto all three opponents at ringside at 2:00 and they cut to an early break. [c] Back live, Swagger had Kofi in a single leg crab mid-ring. After a minute Miz broke it up with a kneelift. Miz then went on aggressive offense against Kofi. Carlito surprised Miz with a flying bodyblock. Kingston made a comeback and dove at both Miz and Carlito. Swagger broke up Kofi's pin attempt. He had all three guys down and corner swing splashed Carlito for a near fall. Miz connected with his finisher on Swagger, but Carlito broke up his pin attempt. Kofi then hit Trouble in Paradise on Carlito for the win. Cole said, "Every week this young man impresses me more and more." Frenetically paced, which was appropriate given the stips, and they were spot on with their timing and crisp with execution. (**1/2)

(6) Mickie James pinned "Glamazon" Beth Phoenix in 6:00 to retain the WWE Women's Title. Cole said Phoenix told him she wants to get back to being the Glamazon after being distracted for a while by the whole Santino saga. Mickie went for a very early schoolgirl for a one count. Then she applied a headlock. Glamazon picked up Mickie and shoved her upside down into the corner with force. Mickie favored her shoulder for the next couple minutes even during her comeback. Glamazon shoved her off the top rope to the floor, then pursued her at ringside, throwing her into the ringside barricade. Glamazon threw Mickie into the ring and scored a near fall. Mickie came back with a DDT out of nowhere for the win. Nice TV match. (*3/4)

-Back to Dusty and DX, they continued to chat about old times. Michaels apologized, saying he's still sensitive about some of that stuff, but people tell him he hides it well. Triple H said, "Yeah, you hide it well, psycho boy." Dusty said, "You don't hide it at all." Dusty said some great stuff happened in WCW - War Games, "Nature Boy" Ric Flair, Sting, and Magnum T.A. Then Triple H told him the greatest WCW moment ever wasn't included - The Shockmaster. Michaels asked what that was. Triple H said it's awesome. They take this big huge fat guy and stick him in a Storm Trooper helmet and then sprayed it with flitter and then a cheesy voice in the background blared out. A strange voice then actually began to come from behind a wall. A pyro blasted and a guy crashed through a wall and fell over and lost his helmet. Cole and Lawler snickered and snorted. The camera panned over and Arn Anderson was doing the voice work. Dusty then shouted, "It should have worked!" The Shockmaster took off his helmet, revealing Santino.

[Q8] [c]

-WWE Raw: Raw was watched by over 2 million females, beating every show on CW, Lifetime, and Oxygen. (Love how they keep taking little digs at The CW any chance they get after The CW dumped Smackdown.)

-Josh Matthews interviewed John Cena backstage. Cena said, "Tweet your friends, update your Facebook, we got a hell of a story tonight." He said he knows Matthews is a reporter after a big story. He said he controls the fate of the WWE Championship. He said the WWE Universe knows he doesn't exactly like Randy Orton. He said then drew a picture of Dusty watching his son Cody beat Randy to become the youngest WWE Champion in history. He said it could prove to Cody that he doesn't need to live in someone else's shadow. It could also be the collapse of Legacy as we know it. He said a story like that would be so embarrassing to Orton it might send his career crumbling to pieces. He said in a match of this importance, if he were to choose a side, the story tomorrow would be John Cena Gives Cody Rhodes WWE Championship. He said he can't do that. He said if Cody wants to make history, he'll do it on his own by being the better man, and if it's not his time, it's not his time. He said at Breaking Point the WWE Champion "runs into a brick frickin' wall." He said he won't quit. He guaranteed victory at Breaking Point. He repeated, "Because I will not quit."

-Lawler and Cole briefly plugged the Breaking Point line-up.

-Randy Orton made his ring entrance. They cut to the back with Dusty giving Cody a pep talk. All we heard were cliches like "you've gotta step up to the plate." [c]

-They announced that next week Bob Barker, longtime host of "The Price is Right," will be guest hosting Raw. Fun.

-Cody's ring entrance aired after the break. Dusty walked him to the ring. Finally John Cena had his full ring intro, beginning pretty much at the end of the second hour.

[Q9]

-Randy Orton vs. Cody Rhodes never started. Instead, Dusty Rhodes said: "Hold it, hold it. Like I said, there's nothing a father wouldn't do for his son. John, I'm sorry buddy." Orton and Rhodes then attacked Cena in the ring. Cena fought them off as best he could. Ted DiBiase joined in seconds later as Cole deduced that Dusty set up Cena. "What a double cross, what an ambush," said Lawler. DX's music played and they made the save. Dusty whacked Triople H with his boot as he was about to give a Pedigree to Cody. That gave Legacy the advantage again as they attacked Michaels. Lawler said, "This has got to be one of the most devious and elaborate plots ever devised." As Cody congratulated his dad, Orton gave him an RKO out of nowhere. Cody wasn't in on that part of the plan. He stood behind Orton and had to hold off on hitting him. He was torn and conflicted as Dusty lay flat on his face on the mat. Orton turned toward Cody, who began to break down, and flexed his neck tendons and stared him down as if he was about to pop fangs like a vampire on "True Blood." The crowd chanted, "Cody, Cody."

THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, NITPICKS

DUSTY RHODES HISTORY: As nice as it is for wrestling fans that WWE owns so much library footage and is able to put together compilation DVDs and offer the 24/7 on-demand service on cable, it's sad that when someone with Dusty's history in pro wrestling walks out the announcers fill time with empty statements about how entertaining he's been in his WWE career but they say nothing about what he accomplished. There's no reference to his NWA Title reigns or any sellout crowds drew or big event he headlined. How tough would it be to talk about how he was the top attraction in Florida for years? Or that he had classic main event battles in the Carolinas and across the country with Ric Flair in his prime? Or a reference to teaming with "Dirty" Dick Murdoch and a cameo in the original "The Wrestler" movie? Or even a fleeting reference to him being an influential executive behind the scenes over the years? Heck, even a wisecrack about his incoherent ramblings on WCW Saturday Night would have been welcome. Instead, there were stretches of silence as Dusty made his ring entrance. It's just sad that history like that is ignored in front of the biggest audiences WWE has...

DUSTY AS GUEST G.M.: You have to hand it to Dusty Rhodes (storyline-wise) for using his power in his favor by blatantly favoring his son with his first decision. He stacked the deck with him at ringside and John Cena as special referee...

DUSTY-DX SKIT: This entered territory that got too insider for Raw. At the same time, it walked a line of not breaking too badly from how wrestling is presented on TV. Has it been acknowledged on Raw before how Michaels left just as WWE took off and overtook WCW?... It was interesting to see that Nitro clip of that Nash-Hogan finish on Raw, and then have Nash's pals react to it and practically disown Nash for it. It's even more strange given that Nash is on TNA TV and as satisfying as it might be for some to take those digs at him, Nash was just seen by a gigantic audience that normally doesn't think twice about him... The Santino-Shockmaster thing was funny for those who lived through it and probably led to a YouTube avalanche for that clip. There is still the element, though, of acknowledging a little too much that gimmicks are "created," bringing into doubt whether anything fans are watching is real or just scripted comedy waiting to be made fun of ten years from now...

MAIN EVENT: Cena's promo on the main event and his match at Breaking Point was among his best. He had passion and cadence and intensity without being cartoonish or desperate to be cute or Rock-like with lame one-liners. It's taken a while, but Cena's weeding out the stuff that doesn't work and really narrowing in on what works and finding his voice... I liked the show-closing angle a lot. You cannot do that often or fans will get upset with a "bait and switch," but this was totally a satisfying and believable angle that solidified Orton as the heel of heels, Dusty as a turncoat who trusted a snake when he shouldn't have, and Cody as being torn between sticking with a mentor who can help him rise through the ranks or defend his father. Some good emotions with everyone playing their part well, and the best part is, it all played well into promoting Breaking Point in two weeks. A memorable angle that is the type that might stick in fans' minds for years...

QUOTEBOOK

Michael Cole: "There has been no one in the history of sports entertainment like 'The American Dream' Dusty Rhodes when it comes to entertainment."

Triple H to Dusty Rhodes: "If there's one thing Shawn and I hate, it's a shameless plug."

Jerry Lawler on Big Show vs. Henry: "This might answer the age old question of what happens when the irresistible force meets an immovable object."

Dusty Rhodes after watching a clip of Hulk Hogan knocking Kevin Nash down with a finger to the chest to win the WCW Title: "You talk about the rise and the fall. That's when the fall started right there."

Triple H to Dusty Rhodes: "Who's idea was it to take a no-talent, nothing-happening guy like Marc Mero, dress him up like Little Richard, and call him Johnny B. Badd. That was the worst ever. Whoever did that was an idiot."

Dusty Rhodes in response: "I did."

John Cena: "I will not quit. I have tasted victory. I have been stung by defeat. But I will not quit. I have been broke down, knocked down, knocked out, busted up, busted open, but I will not quit. When it's gut-check time and your heroes are measured in heart instead of blood line, guess what, you're in my house, because I will not quit!"

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