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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
AUGUST 24, 2009
LAS VEGAS, NEV.
AIRED LIVE ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-A clip aired of Randy Orton managing to eek out a win over John Cena last night. A close-up aired of Randy Orton backstage. Orton turned to Ted DiBiase and said the person who ran in wasn't really just a fan. DiBiase said the fan who ran in was his brother, Brett DiBiase. He said Brett was just watching from ringside as a fan and he had no idea he'd decide to interfere. He said Orton didn't know, either. Orton looked at Brett, who walked into the picture and hung his head, and scolded him. He said he'd never let him interfere again. Brett apologized. Cody interjected and said, "Let's face it, Randy Orton would have defeated John Cena regardless." Interesting.

-Lillian Garcia introduced Mr. Vince McMahon. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show was McMahon walked to the ring. McMahon talked up the Raw guest host, Floyd "Money" Mayweather. Then he talked about how the referee's decision last night is final and Orton is still the WWE Champion. He said Cena will have a rematch against Orton in three weeks on PPV. The crowd got a little restless, so McMahon told them they'll get a chance to see a lot of unexpected things tonight. McMahon said Breaking Point will feature a theme of submission matches, and Cena's match against Orton will be an "I Quit" match. They will have to distinctly say those words for the match to end. He said if anyone interfered on behalf of Orton, he will immediately be stripped of the World Title. DX's music played. McMahon tried to exit the ring, but Triple H told him they wanted him to stick around.

Triple H apologized to the fans who were expecting them to drive out in a tank, but the "drop fee" by Avis in this economy is really high, so they left the tank in L.A. Triple H said McMahon was being all nice is creepy. Triple H said it's someone's birthday. They ran down a few celebrities and then revealed it was "Vince McMahon's 84th birthday." Lawler laughed at each of Triple H's one-liners (because he knows what's good for him). Triple H then ran a correction and said it's McMahon's 74th birthday. The crowd chanted, "74, 74, 74." Triple H then said he feels terrible and said he's actually just 70. McMahon burst out, "I'm 64!" Triple H and Michaels picked on him for admitting that in front of the entire world. McMahon begged them to just leave him alone. Michaels said he and McMahon may have had a lot of differences over the years, but McMahon is the reason everyone watches WWE television. Michaels asked for an opportunity to show him a video tribute. A video aired on McMahon.

[Q2]

The video began as a touching Oscar-worthy tribute video, including a picture of him posing shirtless as teenager, a shot of him water skiing shirtless as a twentysomething, pics of him with his young son and daughter, him at Stephanie's wedding walking her down the aisle, his wedding picture with Linda, and more. Then it broke down into a bunch of moments of him being humiliated by DX and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. When they came back live in the ring, DX said he'll never forget those moments, but he'll also never forget this. After a dramatic pause, out came a huge cake about five feet tall. Triple H and Michaels agreed that things are done differently in Vegas. Triple H told McMahon that he got a memo saying they shouldn't be celebrating his birthday, but things that happen in Vegas stay in Vegas. Michaels denied involvement, saying he was pulled into it, but then he introduced Vegas Showgirls, who strutted to the ring. Triple H then introduced two men from Cirque Du Soleil. (Lawler called it "Circus Ole.") Two men came out in white outfits and masks on stilts. McMahon said, "Those masks are really gay." A tall, thin Elvis came out next and led the crowd in singing "Happy Birthday" to McMahon. McMahon thanked everyone. Triple H then pointed to the cake and out danced "Big" Dick Johnson in a bikini. Lawler and Cole giggled like schoolchildren because that's what they're paid to do. McMahon threw him out of the ring. "Enough of this birthday crap!" McMahon shouted. Michaels and Hunter asked everyone to leave the ring.


Michaels and Hunter said they had one more gift for him. They began to shift him to the very center of the ring while they looked up, foreshadowing obviously a slop drop from the rafters of some kind. However, Cody and Ted attacked DX. Michaels and Hunter cleared the ring with chairs. Orton stepped onto the stage and joined the retreating Cody and Ted. Hunter said since Floyd Mayweather hasn't shown up yet, he's going to make a match: Orton & Cody & Ted vs. DX & Vince McMahon. It was assumed Hunter had that power, which if McMahon is standing there approvingly, it's a good assumption. McMahon paused at first, but then added, "And the match is no disqualification!" McMahon said, "And if you're not down with that..." Triple H did a crotch chop, but Michaels didn't (against his moral code). [c]

[Q3]

(1) The Miz pinned Santino in 2:00. Fans across the country asked, "Santino wrestles?!?!" Miz dominated from the start with aggressive offense. Lawler said Miz had trouble being taken seriously with his "way out there" ring attire, but now he seems focused and "means business now." Santino showed a short sign of life, but Miz then finished him quickly. Afterward, Miz took the mic and said he's now one step closer to defeating Kofi Kingston and becoming the new U.S. Title. He finished with, "Because I'm the Miz and I'm awesome!" [c]

-WWE Fact: Over 1 million more people watched Raw last week than Monday Night Football on ESPN. (That won't last long.)

(2) Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendez & Alicia beat Gail Kim & Kelly Kelly & Mickie James when Alicia pinned Mickie in 2:00 in a Mayweather Mele boxing-style match. The divas all wore light boxing gloves (MMA-sized).

-Lawler plugged the six-man main event tag. He hyped that it's the first time DX would ever tag with McMahon.

[Q4] [c]

-Michaels told Hunter backstage that he's a little concerned about going to war against three athletes in their primes with a 64 year old man as his partner. Triple H was distracted by looking at the "Rise and Fall of WCW" DVD. There was a lot of noise in the background. Michaels shouted that they usually leave the shameless plugs for their own merchandise. Triple H plugged their new DX t-shirts. Michaels said they need to get Vince angry going into the match, but what does he have to be angry about since he's a billionaire with a beautiful family and a great job and a beautiful mistress. He didn't say that last part, actually, but it would have been really funny (not for Linda, although anything that kept him out of the house maybe is a good thing for Linda). Cole laughed at everything DX said because he's paid to. Hunter said McMahon should be fuming mad right about now if his plan is going according to plan. They cut to a Marilyn Monroe imitator singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. McMahon." He yelled at her to get out. Cole snickered some more.

-Chris Jericho and Big Show walked to the ring to their new entrance music, no longer the mix of their individual theme songs. A clip aired of Floyd Mayweather knocking out Big Show at WrestleMania 24. Cole said he's been stewing in that for the past year and a half. The announcers kept saying they were expecting Mayweather to show up any minute. Show said it appears Mayweather is doing the right thing by not showing up and hiding from him. He said until Mayweather shows up, he's not leaving the ring and no one can make him. Jericho said no one can make him leave, either. Mayweather and his entourage were shown backstage heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

Garcia introduced Mayweather with some accolades about being regarded as the best fighter today. Let's see him beat B.J. Penn or Miguel Torres or Brian Bowles first. Mayweather got in Show's face and said he could repeat what he did to him at WrestleMania last year, but he has a PPV coming up that's more important. Show said he might not make it to the fight. Jericho got in his face and said he may have been introduced as the greatest fighter in the game, but he disagrees. He said he thinks he's a great showman and self-promoter, but he's not a very good boxer. He called him "little man" and said his comeback fight will end with him knocked out. Show said maybe he and Jericho will take what's left him after that fight and wipe what's left off him of the face of the planet. MVP's music then played and MVP walked out, mic in hand.

[Q5]

MVP said he doesn't appreciate Show and Jericho talking bad about his man, who has made him a lot of money over the years. MVP said Floyd could hit him 32 times before he'd have a chance to even open his mouth. He kept calling Jericho "Christina" and referred to the duo as "Beauty and the Beast." When Jericho talked back, MVP told him to shut up. He said the WWE Universe doesn't want to hear it anymore. He said the only reason he's on Raw is he's half of the tag team champions so he can appear on all shows. He said if someone were to beat him for the titles, he'd have to go back to Smackdown and stay there. MVP asked if he could find himself a partner and they could beat Beauty & The Beast, would Mayweather give them a tag title shot at Breaking Point. Mayweather said that could be done. Mark Henry came out as MVP's partner. [c]

(3) MVP & Mark Henry defeated The Big Show & Chris Jericho in 16:00 to earn a Unified Tag Title shot at Breaking Point. The match was joined in the progress after the break. They showed several shots of Mayweather sitting at ringside watching the match. Show and Jericho ended up taking control of the match. Mayweather shouted a few times, "You're next, Jericho." The next guy who gets shot at for getting into an argument with him? He definitely recognizes a red light on a camera turning on, as he shouted that every time the camera showed him. They cut to a break at 8:00. [c] At 14:00 MVP hot-tagged Henry in against Jericho. Jericho went for a Code Breaker, but Henry escaped and went for a powerslam, but Jericho countered with a DDT. At 16:00 Jericho downed MVP with a kick. Henry broke up the pin. Show began to enter the ring, but Henry knocked him down to the floor. As the ref was distracted, Mayweather slipped MVP a piece of jewelry, the same weapon he used to knock out The Big Show. MVP used it to KO Jericho and score the pin. Pretty slow match. (*1/4)

-Backstage Orton told Cody and Ted that he's going to make sure tonight that the I Quit match is going to be the last match he ever books.

-A commercial aired on the "Death of WCW" DVD. Some provocative quotes were included including Mike Graham saying Kevin Nash didn't want anyone to be a bigger star than him. Jericho called Eric Bischoff, Vince Russo, and Kevin Nash the "three stooges of wrestling running this multi-billion dollar company." Show said Hall and Nash joined WCW and carved what they wanted out of it. It's available tomorrow. (I plan to have a full review written for this week's PWTorch Newsletter, available late tomorrow or Wednesday for VIP members.) [c]

-A highlight package aired on the Q7 segments in past weeks between Chavo Guerrero and Hornswoggle. They're always in Q7 for some reason.

[Q7]

(4) Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero in 1:00 via DQ. Lilian announced that Mayweather booked a special boxing exhibition match. As the fight was about to start, the ref said he had special gloves for Chavo. He then grabbed some gigantic gloves at ringside which were each larger than Hornswoggle's torso. Lawler said it's becoming a running gag for the guest hosts to try to humiliate Chavo each week. Chavo said he could still knock Hornswoggle out. Chavo swung, but missed. Cole laughed. Hornswoggle took Chavo down with a right hook. Chavo got frustrated and took off his gloves and bodyslammed Hornswoggle. The ref DQ'd him. Afterward, Chavo set up Hornswoggle for a frog splash, but Evan Bourne made the save with a flurry of kicks and a leaping knee. He then nailed his Shooting Star Press. Bourne checked on Hornswoggle. [c]

-A commercial announced C.M. Punk vs. Jeff Hardy in a cage on Friday night.

-They showed a view from the Bellagio hotel of the water show which is nearly precisely where I was sitting one week ago to the minute. Then Cole and Lawler threw to a video package on Summerslam Axxess weekend with various celebrities talking about WWE. They showed Batista, also, in the mix of clips.

[Q8]

-Mayweather worked out McMahon backstage. Vince asked how'd have done against Muhammed Ali in their primes. Mayweather said Vince would have won because he had more money. Carlito walked in and complained about Mayweather not putting him on the show. Triple H and Michaels walked in. Triple H said he was about to tell Floyd that he was doing a great job. McMahon continued to take practice swings. Triple H made a reference to "getting busy with your daughter." McMahon took a hard swing and it hit Carlito. Floyd leaned over Carlito and said, "Now that was cool." [c]

-WWE Fact: WWEclassics.com has over 1,500 matches from WWE, ECW, NWA, World Class, AWA, and WCW.

(5) Triple H & Shawn Michaels & Vince McMahon defeated Randy Orton & Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes when McMahon pinned Orton in 15:00. Triple H backdropped a charging Michaels over the top rope onto Orton, Cody, and Ted at ringside. McMahon then hit an unsuspecting Rhodes and tagged in Triple H. Michaels backdropped Rhodes onto DiBiase and Orton at ringside. As the heel trio regrouped, they cut to an early break. [c] Back to the ring, it was Triple H battling DiBiase. At 6:00 Triple H hot-tagged Michaels in and he took shots at DiBiase and Orton on the apron. Rhodes was smart enough to leap down to the floor to avoid the punch; since when are heels allowed to be that smart? Michaels hit a top rope elbow, but Rhodes broke up his pin attempt. Orton tagged in and stomped away at Michaels.

[Q5]

Cole finally asked Lawler if he believed Orton had no idea Brett DiBiase was in the crowd and ready to interfere if he needed help. Lawler said all he knows is Orton is still the champion. Orton settled into his obligatory chinlock, much later than usual for one of his matches. At 12:00 Michaels hot-tagged Triple H who went on the attack against Rhodes. He hit a spinebuster and then showed fire as McMahon asked to tag in. Triple H hit a Pedigree and then tagged in McMahon, who milked the tag like Hulk Hogan would in his tag matches. McMahon made the cover, but Orton broke up. Orton then set up a punt kick, but Michaels made the save. Orton bailed out and headed back up the ramp. John Cena's music played and Orton stopped in his tracks. Cena chased Orton into the ring and gave him an Attitude Adjustment. McMahon made the cover and the ref counted to three as Cole reminded everyone it was a no DQ match. (**3/4)

THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, NITPICKS

-OPENING SEGMENT. They did a good job addressing the "fan" interference with Orton immediately acknowledging it was Brett DiBiase who interfered. It raises a lot of questions, including whether Orton really knew he was "standing by just in case." Orton playing it off as if he was offended by the interference was perfect... When McMahon finished talking about the Orton-Cena rematch, but before DX came out, I would have loved for McMahon to turn to Lilian Garcia and say: "Lilian, you didn't help matters last night. You confused the fans even more with your botched announcements." Then they could have gone to clips of her messing up last night. Then he could have turned to her and roared: "You'rrrrrre fiiiiired!" It'd be a memorable way for her to go out and also "explain" her disappearance from TV...

DX: The chemistry between Triple H and Michaels is like "Penn and Teller." It was bugging me, trying to figure out who Michaels reminded me of, but other than the fact that he talks, he does a lot of the body language in the background during Triple H's extended talking just like Teller does when Penn does most of the talking...

OTHER THOUGHTS: It's so good to see the Unified Tag Titles be the center of feuds and angles and even guest celebrities. In recent years WWE would have never "wasted" Floyd Mayweather on an angle built around the tag titles... It was good to see Orton do the job, not Rhodes or DiBiase, in the main event. It sends a message that Rhodes and DiBiase are not "designated jobbers" anymore. Orton, obviously, can withstand the loss without fans seeing him as less than a main event star. The interjection of Cena not the DQ match was a good follow up storyline-wise on the PPV finish the night before...

QUOTEBOOK

Triple H to Vince McMahon: "I don't like good guy Vince McMahon. Just nice, honest, caring Vince McMahon. It's creepy. You know I mean? It's not right. It's like Michael Vick at a PETA convention or something like that."

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