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BY WADE KELLER, TORCH EDITOR

KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
AUGUST 7, 2009
TAPED IN LONG ISLAND, N.Y.
AIRED ON MY NETWORK TV

WHAT HAPPENED

HOUR ONE

-In the little WWE vignette that airs before all shows, "Superstar" Graham hasn't been edited out despite his recent harsh comments. The most surprisingly inclusion, though, is Chyna, who's pictured with Shawn Michaels and Triple H briefly. Shane McMahon made the cut doing a big leap off the ropes. Most surprising inclusion might be John Morrison near the end. The most often included seemed to be Triple H, so maybe the production people "know what's good for them" or he was there "helping them" when it was created.

-They went to clips of Morrison challenging Jeff Hardy for the WWE Title last week on Smackdown. It was a very good TV match, but not a star-making performance like Ric Flair vs. Sting was up against WrestleMania IV back in 1988.

-Jim Ross and Todd Grisham introduced the show as C.M. Punk walked to the ring. Ross touted the scheduled main event of Punk vs. Hardy. Punk stood mid-ring and said he tried so hard to empathize with all of their weaknesses. He implored everyone to just say no, but they just ended up liking Hardy more. He said he's not giving up on teaching them the difference between right and wrong. They went to a video package on the Punk-Hardy saga.

Back in the ring, Punk said the fans aren't strong enough to be straight edge. He repeated the line about how weak one has to be to take more pills than the directions say. He said fans gobble them like they're Pez and that's drug abuse. "I don't do that," he said. He said smoking is stupid, and smoking "silly cigarettes" is not just bad for your health, but also illegal. He said the vast majority of everyone in the arena is a criminal. "I am not a criminal; I never have been, I never will be."

He moved to alcohol. He called it a gateway drug. He said the fans drink until their head is in the toilet, and that is alcoholism. He said, "In my book, if you take even one drink, you're an alcoholic." He said the fans love Jeff and Jeff loves them because they're all weak. He said they deserve better, a leader like him, a straight edge. Ring intros then began for the main event, beginning with Punk. Hardy tackled Punk before the bell and three referees tried to pry them apart. Others entered the fray including Mike Rotunda, Dean Malenko, and G.M. Teddy Long. Then Mr. McMahon's music played.

McMahon stepped onto the stage and complained that Long is on probation because he can't control anything. He said he wanted everyone to return to the back and calm down, and then appoint a special guest enforcer referee to maintain control of the match. He paused a few times as he teased who the guest enforcer would be, and then said he's going to make everyone wait to find out. Hardy then jumped Punk again. Punk rolled out of the ring quickly as officials held them apart. [c]

-They showed Ross and Grisham at ringside. They addressed the delay in the World Title match.

(1) John Morrison pinned Tyson Kidd (w/Natalya, David Hart Smith) in 11:00. They showed a clip of Morrison vs. Kidd on Superstars, touting it as a great match. After some nice early chain wrestling exchanges, Smith interfered at ringside against Morrison as Natalya distracted the ref. Kidd then took over, scoring a two count in the ring as they cut to a break. [c] Kidd held Morrison on the mat after the break in a headlock for a minute. Kidd dominated for several minutes and scored near falls. At 10:00 Morrison finally made a comeback, rolling out of a sunset flip and then sitout powerbombing Kidd. He springboard roundkicked Kidd in the face and then hit Starship Pain. Good TV match. Everything looked good, with a nice pace and modern athleticism. (**1/2)

Cryme Tyme was joined by Eve for the Word of the Week. It was Pretenda: "A fake, a fraud, a wannabe, a paper champion." Eve said Ashley Simpson and Milli Vanilli. Cryme Tyme suggested Christina Jericho. In walked Jesse who said, "I'm so official, I have to carry a whistle." [c]

WWE Fact: Last Friday night, Smackdown was the no. 1 program on all of television among all male viewers beating all programs on broadcast and cable.

(2) Slam Master J (a/k/a Jesse) pinned Charlie Haas in 2:00. They showed Eve and CT watching backstage, cheering on Slam Master, who won with a top rope splash. Not a lot to the match. Haas was Haas. [c]

(3) Dolph Zggler beat R-Truth and Finlay and Mike Knox in 8:00 to earn an IC Title shot at SummerSlam. Rey Mysterio joined Ross and Grisham at ringside. Rey said Mike Knox is one of those big men who has all the potential. Grisham said he seems to excel against the giants of WWE. Rey said he's taken on Bam Bam Bigelow and Kevin Nash, and the bigger they come the harder they fall. Strange hearing Nash's name on a WWE show considering he's currently on Impact. As the match began with a four-way brawl, Grisham and Ross stressed that the first man to score a pin would earn an IC Title shot at SummerSlam. Seconds into the match they cut to a break. [c] Truth slingshot himself over the top rope onto Knox at ringside. Finlay, meanwhile, took down Ziggler with what Ross called a "smash-mouth" style that "isn't pretty." Grisham asked the sports question that no athlete ever answers: does he have a preference whom he faces at SummerSlam. Rey gave the standard answer that he doesn't care. At 7:00 Truth proposed to Finlay they work together. Finlay promptly attacked him and went for a pin, broken up by Knox. Finlay attempted to pin Knox after a low dropkick, but Ziggler broke up the subsequent pin attempt. More near falls broken up by others in the match. In the end, Finlay KO'd Knox with a shillelagh, but then Ziggler caught Finlay by surprise with a jumping reverse bulldog for the pin. (*1/2)

HOUR TWO

-Afterward, Ziggler trash-talked Rey, so seconds later leaped at Ziggler with a seated senton.

-They went to a clip from the opening segment of McMahon announcing a guest enforcer for the title match later. Ross plugged the Punk-Hardy match later. [c]

-WWE Fact: Over one million female viewers watched Smackdown last Friday, beating all programming on The CW (oh, snap!), Lifetime, "or" (sic) Oxygen.

-Melina told Maria backstage that it's great how everything works out. She said she's never seen Maria happier. Maria said she and Dolph get to go to SummerSlam together. Melina said she is her closest friend and she doesn't want her to take it the wrong way, "but Dolph..." Maria said it's okay because she hears it in the locker room a lot. She said outside of the ring he's sweet and nice and a good guy, "and I deserve a good guy for once." (Take that ex-boyfriends.) Melina wished her the best as long as he treats her right.

(4) J.T.G. (w/Shad Gaspar) defeated Chris Jericho (w/The Big Show) in 6:00. Jericho jump-started the match and tossed J.T.G. to ringside. Big Show kicked him as the ref was distracted. At 4:00 J.T.G. made a comeback. Jericho attempted a Walls of Jericho. J.T.G. blocked it and Jericho catapulted him instead. J.T.G. landed on the ropes and leaped at Jericho, leading to a near fall. Jericho came back with a Code Breaker for a near fall. As Jericho complained to the ref, J.T.G. surprised him with a small package for the win. Ross: "I can't believe it!" Nice little TV match. The right finish as it gives CT a little extra juice against these top tier players and gives Jericho & Show a reason for revenge. Jericho threw a fit at the referee afterward. (*3/4)

-Ross plugged the Punk-Hardy main event again. [c]

(5) The Great Khali (w/Ranjin Singh) beat Ricky Ortiz. Grisham said, "This is WWE where anyone can win against anybody, or so they say." Khali finished Ortiz with a chop to the chest and the Punjabi Plunge in about ten seconds, proving "somebody can be a nobody in WWE," but not much else.

-Afterward, Kane's music played and he hit Khali from behind. He knocked Khali to the floor and then turned and had Singh trapped. Singh tried to run, but Kane caught him at ringside. Singh backed off, but when he tried to run, he stumbled. Kane dragged Singh to the back. [c]

-Ross and Grisham were shown on camera. Grisham said what they just witnessed before the break was one of the most bizarre things they've ever seen in WWE. Ross called Singh "a young kid frozen in pain." I just don't think many people think of Singh as "a young kid." He said Kane dragging him out was like "a lion dragging an animal."

-Matt Hardy was introduced as the special enforcer referee for the main event. Ross called it a shocking development. Grisham said the main event just took "an astonishing turn." [c]

(6) Jeff Hardy pinned C.M. Punk in 9:00 to retain the WWE Title. As Jeff stared down Matt from a few inches away, Ross wondered if we were about to see the "final betrayal" of the Hardy brothers. Hardy got early offense against Punk including a fast two count. Punk avoided a DDT, but Hardy followed up by clotheslining him to the floor. When Hardy went after Punk on the apron, Punk yanked him hard to the floor. They cut to a break at 1:00. [c] Back from the break Punk applied an abdominal stretch on Hardy. Hardy came back at 5:00 with a Whisper in the Wind. When he climbed to the top rope, Punk caught him and gave him a superplex leading to a two count. Hardy made a comeback and went for a Twist of Fate, but Punk escaped and scored a two count. Hardy flew over the ropes onto Punk on the floor. Jeff and Matt got in each other's face at ringside. Punk went for a slidekick on Jeff, but it hit Matt instead. Back in the ring Jeff hit a Twist of Fate. He then ripped off his shirt and dove at Punk with a Swanton, but Punk raised his knees. As the ref began to count Punk's pin on Jeff, Matt yanked the ref out of the ring. Matt entered the ring and Punk argued with him. Jeff then rolled up Punk from behind and scored the three count. Another really good match for a 5-10 minute range. The finish with Matt asks more questions than it answers, which is good this many weeks out from SummerSlam. (**1/2)

-Afterward, an enraged Punk attacked Jeff at ringside. He bashed him with a chair across the back, then put the chair over his head and threw him into the ringpost. Grisham said he could have broken Hardy's neck. Ross said Punk knew exactly what he was doing. Punk then told medics, "Make sure he's okay. Fix him so I can break his neck. Ross said this shows what kind of man Punk is. Long walked out and Punk demanded of him a fair rematch. Long said he can have it, but it'll be Jeff Hardy style, Tables, Ladders, Chairs, "TLC." Punk yelled, "You can't do that to me!" s Long ran to ringside to check on Hardy, whom he just booked in a TLC match as he was being put in a neck brace, Punk yelled, "Yeah, go check on your poster boy." The show ended with Hardy wincing as they put him on a stretcher.

THOUGHTS, OBSEVATIONS, NITPICKS

OPENING SEGMENT: If they announce the main event at the start of the show, it seems like there's at least a 50 percent chance it won't actually take place as scheduled. It's not a bad card to play as long as it's not played too often.

OTHER THOUGHTS: Slam Master J has filled the roster slot formerly held by Shannon Moore which was previously held by Scotty 2 Hotty. It's hard to tell where he can go with this gimmick other than be the opening match or the post-intermission "popcorn" match jobber... The problem with Kane beating up Ranjin Singh as a way to try to get heel heat is that nobody cares at all about Singh. He's done nothing to establish who he is or why he's the least bit likable or sympathetic...

MAIN EVENT: They've done a really good job pushing Punk to a strong heel position, making the route they got there irrelevant as of this moment. He's also making a very good heel. They still have to walk a fine line, from a parents'-perspective, in not having Punk come across as a heel because he's against binge drinking and pill abuse, but rather because he's sanctimonious about it and too extreme, accusing those who drink one drink of being "alcoholics." They seem to be finding that area where he takes it so far, it works... The actions of Matt are mysterious, siding with Jeff against Punk seemingly, but it's a good cliffhanger for them to address going into SummerSlam. If tey have a good follow-up, it's a good twist to add to the mix...

QUOTEBOOK

C.M. Punk: "Now I know why you people love Jeff Hardy so much... The reality is, none of you have the strength to be straight edge. You gravitate toward Jeff because it's the easy way out. It's easier to be weak like Jeff because you sure can't be strong like me."

C.M. Punk: "I also don't smoke, and those that do are stupid."


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