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KELLER’S TNA IMPACT REPORT 7/25: Results, star ratings, thoughts, observations, nitpicks, quotebook
Jul 25, 2009 - 4:08:10 PM |
By Wade Keller, Torch editor
KELLER’S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JULY 25, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
A video package aired recapping the highlights, such as they were, of the Victory Road debacle. They included some new post-PPV footage of Tazz, Mick Foley, and Booker T, all that gave things more of a “real sports” feel than anything on a typical PPV or Impact. The title of the show is “The Family Reigns Supreme.” The Impact opening then aired.
Taz walked out to the ring, showing the signature attitude he had before being castrated into conforming to the WWE announcing grind. Mike Tenay said Taz and Samoa Joe are cut from the same cloth. He talked about his days in ECW, which for those fans under age 30 was a promotion that peaked about 12-15 years ago and has since been chanted at arenas by fans, some of whom have a clue what they’re chanting about. Taz said he went on to be a color commentator for WWE, but he felt there was a little more he could still do. He said one day at home he turned on TNA Wrestling and he saw this raw, untapped, barbaric loaded energy full of potential “and I swear to God, it took me back a decade.” He said what he saw was the second coming of Taz.
Taz said Joe showed remorse for his opponent, whereas he never did. He reached out to Joe and told him he can bring him to that next level. Taz said he might think it’s cool to be “over with the boys in the back,” that doesn’t bring him championships. He said he should want to be on top, not be Mr. Popular. He said next thing he realized, he became the teacher and Joe became the student and Joe’s was on everyone radar. He said the one man who pursued Joe the most aggressively was Kurt Angle. He said for that he and Joe are forever indebted to Angle and the “prestigious Main Event Mafia.” He then declared that Joe will become the next X Division Champion. He called out Homicide and said, “Beat Joe if you can, but survive if he lets you.” For those under 30 who haven’t watched old wrestling DVDs (or should I say, tapes), that was Taz’s catch phrase back in the day.
(1) Homicide beat Samoa Joe via DQ in 5:00. With no comments from Joe, the match began. This was a great feud in ROH way back in the day. At 3:00, Homicide scored a near fall after a tornado DDT. Joe came back with a Taz-style suplex, drawing a smile and applause from Taz. West said, “That was the teacher looking at the student saying, Good job grasshopper; well done.” Joe punched the ref when he got in Joe’s face. Homicide set up his finisher on a distracted Joe, but Joe escaped and applied the rear naked choke. The ref was still down. The ref came to and called for the bell. West assumed he called for Joe winning, but instead he DQ’d Joe. West acted outraged. Solid action but it never developed into a full-fledged match. (*1/4)
As Joe tried to attack Homicide afterward, Hernandez made his return to the ring. West said two of the biggest bad-asses in TNA were facing off. Taz told Joe to walk out of the ring and fight another day. Hernandez had new music.
They went backstage to Jeremy Borash interviewing Foley. Foley said he limped his way to Nashville, and the good news is he’s still around, but it seems Kurt Angle is the new golden boy of TNA as he said the right things to management. He told Borash maybe Angle has the answers.
They cut to the Main Event Mafia walking out of the locker room and heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]
Angle had the mic in hand as he stood with the entire Mafia in the ring. He said first of all, now that he’s in control, he wants to assure everyone that nobody is getting fired. He said he’s a compassionate person. He said he wants to give the fans a great show. He said now they’re heading to Nashville, Tennessee with a list of demands. He said the front office is willing to work with them. He asked what would happen if they walked out on TNA. He said all that would be left would be a bunch of losers who would ride TNA right into the iceberg. “The fact is, TNA needs the Main Event Mafia.” That is exactly the message that the wrestlers in real life want management to believe. He said Nash, Booker T, and Steiner are willing to put their titles up for grabs for the fans’ entertainment. He said with Jeff Jarrett at home and Sting licking his wounds thousands of miles away, there’s only one person left to deal with - Mick Foley. He asked, “What does Mick Foley really do?” He said he lets the inmates run the asylum and he’s not the wrestler he once was. He said he’s just taking up space. Foley’s music interrupted. Angle’s whole promo was disguised as a heel promo, but in reality it was propaganda that matches the reality of TNA that the Millionaire’s Club has created and management has enabled.
Foley said he did make him tap. He said he wanted to get away for a while until he heard what he was trying to convince the front office of. He said on Sunday night, everyone in the Mafia backed up what they had bragged about. He said everyone else dropped the ball, and no one did worse than him. Foley said as for not being the wrestler he used to be, for ten minutes in the Impact Zone he was the wrestler he used to be. He said he ran out of gas and perhaps ran out of guts and he was the better man that night. He said he knows what it’s like to have a bad day on at least 12 occasions since he’s a 13 time champion. Foley said it’s a joke, though, to say TNA could not exist without them. Angle said for the last ten months Foley has been telling the front office that TNA would be nothing without him. He said if it weren’t for he and Joe outsmarting him, he’d still be working that front office for years to come. He told Foley, “I’m the man, not you.” He said he could kick his ass to the curb right now if he wanted to, but he’s not going to because he has one last thing he wants from him. He held up a keychain with the letters “TNA” attacked. He said those are the keys to his office. He said they’re going to put those keys high on a pole and all he has to do to get his office back and save what little dignity he has is to climb his “sprained ankled ass” up that pole and grab those keys. He said if he does that, the office is his and he can save what dignity he has. He said he’d see him later tonight. [c]
Lauren interviewed the British Invasion, Sheik Abdul Bashir, and Kiyoshi. Brutus Magnus said they struck a deal earlier with Angle. In exchange for getting an IWGP Tag Title rematch against Team 3D next week, they’ll put a final nail in the coffin of the TNA Originals. Apparently a puppy was being disemboweled off camera based on the face Lauren made when Magnus said that.
West and Tenay hyped the line-up for the rest of the show. This setting of the stage 30 minutes into the show is a nice regular segment as part of the show’s format. Tenay announced that the winner of a TNA Knockouts Battle Royal would win $50,000 from the MEM and become the MEM’s Chosen One.
(1) Kevin Nash defeated Amazing Red in a squash with a Jackknife powerbomb in 2:00.
Lauren interviewed Hernandez backstage. He said the landscape has changed since he was last around. He said he wanted Foley and Jarrett to know he has their backs because they gave him a chance when no one else would. Homicide walked up to him and asked him what was up, almost acting surprised he was back. Hernandez said he was saving him from getting killed. Homicide said he wasn’t going to get killed. No puppies died in this interview. [c]
Borash told Foley backstage in his office that he doesn’t have to do this. He said he has a “severely sprained ankle.” Foley said it’s officially moderately sprained. Borash questioned his putting it all on the line tonight. Foley said the caricature of he and Borash will not be on the line; he will take that with him no matter what happens. He said because of his bad ankle, he has to beat Angle down so bad that he can “climb that stupid pole.” Foley’s inept security duo walked in and said they have his back. Foley said what he needs is for them to get new shirts that don’t have MEM on them. They offered to put tape over them.
Elsewhere backstage Booker T and Scott Steiner watched a monitor and said they just found their first opponents or their tag team title match. [c]
Lauren interviewed Traci Brooks. Lauren said it’s great to see her back and asked what she’s been up to. Traci said she’s been in Hollywood and has a huge project coming up in the future. She said she talked to Foley and asked if she could resume her position as the TNA Knockout Law in case the MEM have anything up their sleeve.
(2) Booker T (w/Sharmell) & Scott Steiner beat Big Rocco & Sal E. Boy in 5:00 to retain the TNA Tag Team Titles. West brought up the big announcement that Bobby Lashley had been signed. It sure hurt the potential impact of the announcement by saving it for 56 minutes into the show and throwing it out there in the middle of a tag team match. Steiner and Booker just played with Sal in total domination. Sal managed to hot-tag Rocco who almost tripped coming into the ring, but then ran into Booker on the ring apron, knocking him to the floor, and then powerslamming Steiner. He followed by climbing to the top rope. He played to the crowd and then splashed Steiner and scored a near fall. Sharmell pulled the ref as he was about to hit three, plus Steine lifted his shoulder. Booker then surprised Rocco with a Book End. Steiner followed with a face driver for the win. (1/4*)
HOUR TWO
Borash followed Young into Foley’s office. Foley as visualizing the pole. He didn’t like Young interrupting him. Young said it’s about the future of the company. He said airing his and Jeff’s personal issues on national television should have never happened. Young said he was one of the first guys to stand up for TNA. He said he was inspired watching Foley fight for his life and the life of TNA on Sunday. He said if Foley loses TNA, then he loses TNA, and if he loses TNA, he loses everything. He apologized and said he’s ready to go back to work. Foley said everyone makes mistakes. He asked him what he wants him to do. Foley said A.J. Styles told him they’re looking for a fifth member to fight MEM. Young said he was ready to fight harder than Foley did on Sunday. [c]
They showed various Knockouts heading to the ring for the Knockouts battle royal. [c]
A highlight package aired on the Slick Johnson-Beautiful People angle last week.
Lauren interviewed Tara and her spider. She asked why she’s fighting in this match. Tara said she doesn’t need 50,000 dollars, but she knows a lot of charities that could use it. She said he wants to prove she’s the best, but if she wins, they don’t have the “you know what” to make her their “wrestling byatch.” She told Slick if he wants some of this, he’ll get some of this free of charge, then pushed her spider toward the camera.
(3) Knockouts Battle Royal for $50,000 and becoming MEM’s female rep. Daffney was out first. Then Madison Rayne. Johnson seemed very concerned about Madison’s condition. ODB was tossed over the top rope, but Cody Deaner caught her and threw her back into the ring. Johnson ordered her to the back. Taylor Wilde eliminated SoJo Bolt. Tara knocked out Velvet Sky. Kevin Nash walked to ringside to join Tenay and West on commentary. [c]
They showed that Wilde and Alicia Flash were eliminated during the break. Angelina Love was eliminated next. Nash affirmed that the last woman standing will join the MEM. Tenay asked if anyone could imagine Awesome Kong joining the MEM. Nash said not even Steiner could handle her. Kong eliminated ODB at 9:00. Serina went after Kong, but Kong tossed her over the top rope. That left Tara and Kong. Nash said if he was going to “hit one of them, I mean pick one of them,” he’d pick Tara. Tara fought back. Kong tried to dump Tara, but Tara held onto her braids. Traci then dumped them both in a dangerous looking spill for both Tara and Kong. As Kong and Tara brawled at ringside, Traci danced in the ring. Nash announced Traci was the winner. She leaped into Nash’s arms. No sign of Jenna tonight. When Johnson got in Tara’s face afterward, Tara slapped him and then threatened to put her spider on him. He rolled out of the ring. [c]
Lauren interviewed the Beautiful People backstage. Love said they should be the ones servicing the Main Event Mafia. Sky said it’s a conspiracy against them. She said it’s one thing after another, such as a disgusting rodent and now a crooked referee. Sky said, “I wrote the guest list for this conversation and you weren’t on it.” Rayne asked where that butch ODB came from. Cody barged in and said ODB is the “one darling beauty” they’re talking about. He said if they have a problem with ODB, they have a problem with him. Love and Sky pretended to come on to him. He said he realizes now they all want a piece of The Deaner. He asked Love to sniff him. He said he got that perfume at the flea market. He told Sky to “drink it in.” He kneed Deaner in the crotch and then they ran away as ODB jumped in to make the save. ODB said, “I hate those whores.”
Tenay and West hyped the main event match. Tenay read from a sheet of paper that the main event for the Aug. 16 Hard Justice PPV would be Sting’s “last title shot” against Angle. He said the match will be a three-way with either Styles or Matt Morgan added to the last spot. He said that last spot will be determined in a best of three match series beginning next week on Impact. West then plugged upcoming TNA live event dates.
Lauren interviewed Styles backstage. Young, James Storm, Robert Roode, and Christopher Daniels were in the background. Styles said they’ve all dropped the ball in the past, but tonight they take back TNA. [c]
(4) British Invasion & Sheik Abdul Bashir & Kiyoshi beat The TNA Originals (A.J. Styles & Daniels & Beer Money Inc. & Eric Young) in 5:00. West said the Originals were embarrassed as Victory Road. Terry tagged in at 3:00 for the first time in TNA. He threw a clothesline within seconds. What were the Vegas odds on that? He then no-sold a Daniels punch and blocked a Daniels bodyblock. Then he flexed like it was 1984. Doug Williams and Magnus double-teamed Daniels. When Williams went for a pin, Styles made the save at 4:00. Styles hot-tagged in and went on an offensive flurry against the Brits including a near fall on Magnus. A ten-way brawl broke out. Styles set up a Styles Clash on Magnus, but Young attacked Styles and gave him a piledriver. Magnus made the cover and scored the three count. Tenay said there’s an unwritten rule in the locker room not to use that piledriver because too many wrestlers have been seriously injured by that move. Young celebrated with the heels in the ring. (*1/4)
Backstage, Foley tossed aside everything on his desk and exclaimed, “What next?!” [c]
Borash tried to interview the six heels including Young. He said Borash needs to shut up. He said he’s part of an elite group and everything in TNA is going to change forever. Foley leaped at young. West said Foley is upset because of how gullible he was.
(5) Mick Foley defeated Kurt Angle via DQ in 9:00. Foley was gimpy from the start. They played up how difficult it would be for him to climb the pole. Foley managed to fight off Angle with punches and knock him to the floor. He then went for the keys again. He was very slow and Angle returned to the ring and yanked him hard to the mat. At 3:00 they cut to a break with both men down on the mat. [c] After the break, Foley caught Angle with a double-arm DDT. Tenay was doing a good job pushing the importance of this match. Foley put on a sock and applied the Mandible Claw. I’m surprised TNA and Foley haven’t come up with a new name for Mr. Socko, like Executive Sock or Mr. SOCA (Smelly Adminstrative Cotton Assistant). Okay, maybe they’re right not to rename it after all. Foley had Angle knocked out from the Mandible Claw. As he was about to climb and get the keys, Samoa Joe led the Mafia to the ring. Joe knocked Foley off the top rope and Foley took a dangerous looking backward flip bump onto the mat. The ref called for the bell and DQ’d Angle. (1/4*)
Afterward Angle shouted at Foley as the Mafia held onto him. He said his next card will be his last card. Bobby Lashley’s music then played and he walked out onto the stage. Angle smiled and Steiner applauded. Lashley slapped hands on his way to the ring, which isn’t the best way to build to a surprise “turn” on the Mafia, but oh well. He then hugged Angle. The fans booed. Foley looked on helplessly. Lashley readied himself to punch Foley, but then turned and punched Angle and clotheslined the rest of the Mafia members. West yelled, “What’s going on here?” Tenay said, “The mixed martial arts star, the world wrestling champion, Bobby Lashley, taking it to the Main Event Mafia. Take that, Don West!” The show ended with the Mafia fuming at ringside as Lashley posed in the ring.
THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, NITPICKS
TAZ INTERVIEW: When Taz talked about Joe being this raw, untapped, barbaric wrestler, I just paused and realized that in terms of in-ring accomplishments, Joe is already ahead of Taz - and no disrespect to Taz’s important run in ECW. But Joe has more World Title reigns, including a main event run in TNA as champion, than Tazz did. They’re recast Joe as this new rookie or something when in fact, that’s only true relative to the senior cast in the Main Event Mafia otherwise. Only in TNA, with such an old average age of top paid main event guys, would Joe be thought of as a young turk. He’s five years past the age and resume to credibly be cast in this manner... Tazz hit the basics of the storyline direction TNA has chosen and communicated it well, showing longtime WWE fans what he is capable of on the mic and the persona that defined him before the stint on Smackdown with Michael Cole. It should be fun to see Tazz add more of an edge to the show in general in coming months...
JOE VS. HOMICIDE: It’s so inefficient to just give this match away as the opening bout on this show. It defines down Joe and Homcide as opening match guys who, when they face each other, isn’t worth really building up. West tried to make up for it by touting what a great match-up this was to start the show, but it deserved more...
NASH VS. RED: It’s sad when Red, TNA’s potential Rey Mysterio, is used as a mocked opponent for Nash. It’s so WCW being repeated, it’s almost hard to believe. You almost want to rub your eyes and wonder if what you’re watching is really happening. It as if everyone in the wrestling industry got together and wondered if they could make all the same mistakes that WCW made and see if Dixie Carter, oblivious to the true history of her own industry, would notice. It’s not even the least bit subtle at this point. I get the joke here was that the MEM weren’t really brave because they gave themselves the easier opponents possible, but the ramifications is undercutting Red instead of protecting him within a feud where his actual assets could be utilized and not undermined. It’s not as if WWE doesn’t set a bad example by pushing Evan Bourne to the point of really being over, and then putting him in his place by casting him unnecessarily as a jobber against The Big Show...
MAIN EVENT: Whatever special feeling was once associated with Foley wrestling is now gone after another lousy performance. They can build in the storyline ankle injury to explain his performance, and at least now they’re acknowledging he isn’t what he once was, but it all ultimate adds up to matches you don’t want to see and a top babyface who isn’t a credible fighter... Say what you will about Lashley’s overrated resume and rejection as a top star by fans in WWE (if listless and indifferent adds up to “rejection,” that is), but he’s a definite step up from Jeff Jarrett as a centerpiece star in TNA. He isn’t the worker that Jarrett is, but even with his limited charisma, he has the right kind of charisma and a younger, more marketable overall persona and appearance. The turn on the Mafia would have been better had he not smiled and slapped hands with fans on his way to the ring...
OTHER THOUGHTS: Rob Terry was everything I feared he would be. It’s such an embarrassment that TNA hired him in the first place as he serves no purpose other than to make every other wrestler on the roster look like they don’t work out by comparison. Plus, it’s not like fans look at him and think “Genetically Gifted.” His tagging in and throwing a clothesline right out of Indy Match #1 at the sports bar or rec center was so cliche it was almost spit-take worthy... The Young turn was well done as he’s good at seeming sincere and remorseful... The Beautiful People continue to be really good at knowing how their characters would act and react and doing so convincingly... Tenay and West had one of their better overall performances, hitting the points that the booking called for with the right tone and avoiding any of the sour notes of trying to be cool or manufacture arguments that has often tripped them up...
QUOTEBOOK
Traci: “I’ll tell you what I told Mick Foley. When it comes to serving TNA, you can always count on me.”
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