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CALDWELL'S TAKE
CALDWELL'S BLOG FROM 8/5 - Games WWE could play with Bob Barker hosting Raw (not much has changed) Sep 7, 2009 - 6:00:10 PM
A month and two days ago, I published a mock take on what a "Bob Barker as guest host" edition of WWE Raw would look like. Considering Bob is hosting tonight's Raw, I re-read the column today and found out not much has changed in about a month.
Mid-card wrestlers are still stuck in the mud in the U.S. Title picture with champ Kofi Kingston. John Cena and Randy Orton are still feuding. Triple H is still mocking people. Chavo and Hornswoggle wouldn't end five weeks ago and it's still alive now.
Following is my original blog from August 5 looking at a parody of Raw with Bob Barker hosting. (Read the Original Blog.)
CALDWELL'S TAKE - Games WWE could play with Bob Barker hosting Raw
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED: August 5, 2009
By James Caldwell, Torch assistant editor
WWE is considering Bob Barker, Rev. Al Sharpton, and Freddie Prinze, Jr. as future guest hosts on Raw, which got me thinking... What kind of classic games from The Price is Right could WWE present if Bob Barker
were to host? As Stephanie McMahon told BusinessWeek, WWE can "adjust the storylines" to fit the host.
You have to start with the classic Cliffhanger game featuring mid-card wrestlers with no chance of getting over because WWE doesn't give the Raw mid-card any attention.
Two wrestlers bid on great products like Raid or Gerber's baby food and the first one whose little man falls off the cliff is Future Endeavored. Special guest Barker Beauty is Brian Kendrick.
My favorite Price is Right game, though, is the Hole in One golf game. What's cheaper, a box of soap or a bottle of shampoo? Since Chavo Guerrero was playing a golfer at one time (remember Kerwin White?!), he gets to play Barker Beauty as Jack Swagger and Evan Bourne putt for a shot at the U.S. Title against Kofi Kingston. Wrestler who loses gets to catch Bob Barker as he's press-slammed by Adam Sandler later in the show.
Since wrestling is soooo 1979 and, as a USA Network executive told BusinessWeek "it's all just entertainment male soap opera anyways," we don't need any stinking wrestling. The ring will be replaced by "contestants row" where wrestlers will be called down to the front from the "audience" to bid on the right to be verbally humiliated by Triple H.
Jack Swagger is a UT reject, Evan Bourne is a vanilla midget, Big Show takes a Kurt Angle before every show, Chris Masters is puny, Jerry Lawler should be signing autographs at VFW halls, and John Cena can't wrestle.
But, the fun won't stop there. Oh, no. In the main event of the show, WWE will present the "3 Strikes" baseball-themed game where contestants usually compete for a super car like a shiny red Cadillac or Corvette.
The tweak, though, will be wrestlers competing for a chance to avoid the three-strike Wellness Policy firing squad. Special Barker's Beauties will be Chris Masters and cameos by Jeff Hardy and C.M. Punk to build up their program on Smackdown.
Contestants will compete for Wellness Policy immunity. WWE doesn't seem to take the policy seriously anyways since they turned it into a storyline on Smackdown, so let's have some "it's all just entertainment" fun!
If a wrestler draws three strikes out of the bag before pulling out the numbers for a John Cena t-shirt, then he's automatically suspended 30 days without pay while having to continue working house shows.
If a wrestler is so fortunate to draw the numbers of the Cena t-shirt before the three strikes, he receives immunity from his next Wellness Policy violation. Everyone wins!
Like every episode of Price is Right, the show will end with the winning contestants's friends, family, or some strangers they met in line rushing the stage to celebrate. Except in classic WWE-style, all of the mid-card heels will start bumping for Hunter while Cena and Orton have a stare down from the studio audience to the stage to close the show.
Torch readers, what other Price is Right games could be applied to WWE Raw? Would you book Plinko to increase a wrestler's downside guarantee? How about the clock game instead of Beat the Clock?
Drop your "Price is Right applied to WWE" suggestions to pwtorch@gmail.com
Send feedback on this article to pwtorch@gmail.com and we'll regularly publish reader feedback in the "Torch Feedback" category on the Main Listing.
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