KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MAY 24, 2010
TOLEDO, OHIO
AIRED LIVE ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-The show opened with highlights of John Cena beating Batista in the I-Quit match the night before and then tossing him off the roof of the car and through the stage, followed by Sheamus attacking Cena with a big boot right afterward.

-The Raw opening then aired, followed by Michael Cole introducing the show as pyro blasted. He called last night's PPV "an extremely physical, stunning, and controversial" event.

-Justin Roberts introduced "The Animal" Batista. He walked out with the help of two referees. He had his left arm in a sling. He was limping. The frames of his sunglasses matched the color of the strap holding his sling. He's so dapper. Jerry Lawler said he's amazed Batista is even able to walk. He said it was one of the most brutal and vicious matches he's ever witnessed. He said pinfalls and countouts didn't matter. He said the used chairs, ringposts, and steps at weapons. Cole said it took about 20 minutes for medics and emergency personnel to get Batista up and out of the hold in the stage.

Batista entered the ring and sat in a wheelchair. He waved the refs out of the ring and demanded his spotlight. The lights in the arena went down and a spotlight shone down on him. Batista admitted angrily that last night Cena made him say something he never thought he'd say: "I quit." He explained: "I did it because I felt my life was being threatened." He said because of Cena's malicious actions, I'm contemplating filing suit against Cena, WWE, and every fan in WWE Universe for supporting what happened to him. He said that's not the way championship matches are supposed to happen, citing duct tape and being thrown off of cars. He said he believes in something called honor, so he wouldn't stoop to Cena's level. The announcers didn't interject that he tried to run Cena over with the car.

Batista said he's out weeks, months, maybe years with multiple injuries. He said eventually he'll be back healthier and stronger than ever and at that point he deserves a rematch. Ring announcer Justin Roberts interrupted and said he was just instructed to introduce the new general manager of WWE Raw - WWE Hall of Famer Bret "The Hitman" Hart. Hart's music played and he walked out onto the stage. Oh, put the Bret Hart of 1998-2000 in a time machine to see this and I'd love to see his reaction. After all of the reasons he gave to never associate with WWE again, this is quite a step up in commitment to a company he once gave many specific reasons not to want to associate with beyond even the Survivor Series '97.

Bret walked to the ring and said at Fatal 4-Way, if Cena is still champion, he'll take on three competitors all of whom will be decided tonight. Batista protested. Bret told him he can qualify just like everyone else "right now." Batista asked, "What's wrong with you? Did you not hear me? I'm sitting in a wheelchair, hurt." Bret said he knows, but so is his opponent, Randy Orton. They hadn't brought up Orton's injury yet. Batista said he's hurt and couldn't compete. Bret said this is his chance to have a match against Cena, so take it or forfeit. Batista said he can't do that. He said if he does that, he'll quit the whole company and leave the industry. "I mean it!" he shouted. Bret then said as a result of forfeit, Orton has qualified for the Fatal 4-Way. Batista said if the fans didn't think he was serious, he would quit. He said everybody would stop watching because he's the reason they're all there. He then quit. Two referees wheeled him to the back as Cole and Lawler wondered if they'd ever see him again.

[Q2] [c]

-They replayed Batista quitting, then Cole and Lawler discussed Batista's quitting.

1 -- MARK HENRY vs. SHEAMUS -- Fatal 4-Way WWE Title Qualifier

Lawler said he didn't even know if they were still on the air when Sheamus kicked Cena at the end of Over the Limit since Cole had already signed off the air. That's such a nice small touch because it adds a small sense that Sheamus's actions were "unplanned." Fans are willing to - and eager to - buy into scenarios where a wrestler "breaks from script" and this provided it to them without being overly cute or at all "insider." Henry overpowered Sheamus early. At 3:00 Henry splashed Sheamus and scored a near fall. Henry's shoulder gave out during a press slam attempt on Sheamus, and then he turned and KO'd Henry with a big boot for the win.

WINNER: Sheamus in 3:00 to qualify for the Fatal 4-Way PPV WWE Title match.

-Cole hyped that The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston was coming up.

-A commercial aired for the WWE On Demand service.

[Q3] [c]

-WWE Did You Know? Last Monday, Raw was once again the no. 1 entertainment show on cable TV.

-Lawler announced that guest host Jon Lovitz was going to do a "Superstar Search" tonight, trying to find new talents. They went back to Lovitz who told Mr. McMahon on the phone to pay him in stock or 10 percent ownership of the company. He told McMahon, "Don't make me flip you." Maryse walked in. He asked if she was the masseuse. She said no and introduced herself as "the premier WWE Diva." She said she's glad he's there because she has hot photos he's sure would win his Superstars Search easily. He asked for a sneak peak. He said he's not just there to plug his new comedy club in Los Angeles, but he's also got a new submission move, the Fast Freak Fiber Pinch Jugular Clinch. He said anyone who masters it will win every match. She said she wasn't interested. He said maybe something else would change her mind. He spoke to her in French. She seemed impressed. He added he has millions of dollars. She said she might be interested after all. He then said he wasn't anymore and walked away.

-Backstage Edge told Bret he deserves a spot in the Fatal 4-Way. Bret said Orton already qualified. Edge said he did so by forfeit, so he should get to face the beat-up Cena to qualify. In walked Chris Jericho who said he demanded he get the final spot in the Fatal 4-Way. Edge and Jericho argued. Bret booked Edge vs. Jericho vs. Cena. He said if Edge or Jericho won, they'd qualify, but if Cena won, they were both out. Edge said he was a better champion than either of them ever were and tonight he'd prove it. After Edge walked away, Jericho told him not to make an enemy of him or else he'll make accepting this job the biggest mistakes of his life.

-A Smackdown commercial hyped the return of the Undertaker. [c]

2 -- MARYSE & ALICIA vs. GAIL KIM & EVE

Lawler said he made the mistake of trying to talk to Maryse last night, but that was a mistake since she was in a bad mood after the loss. Eve hot-tagged in against Maryse, missed two dropkicks in a row, and then hit a standing moonsault that looked like it did absolutely no harm as her legs hit the mat and there was zero impact on Maryse. Fox broke up the pin attempt, then hit Eve as the ref turned to Kim. Maryse then DDT'd Eve for the win.

WINNER: Maryse in 2:00.

[Q4]

-Highlights aired of Bret Hart beating Miz for the U.S. Title last week on Raw. Cole said Bret is now the new G.M., so he has given up the U.S. Title. Lawler said that means R-Truth and Miz would fight for the U.S. Title next. [c]

3 -- THE MIZ vs. R-TRUTH -- U.S. Title Match (no incumbent champion)

Miz told Truth before the match that he's always asking "What's up?" Well, what's up is he is walking out the U.S. Champion "because I'm the Miz and I'm awesome!" A minute into the match they cut to a break, getting it in before the top of the hour. [c]

They showed a clip of Truth flip diving at Miz at ringside during the break, but he came up short. He tucked his head and landed hard. Miz had control since then.

[Q5] Nicely paced back and forth match for several minutes with multiple near fall exchanges. R-Truth finally finished Miz with a Lie Detector.

WINNER: R-Truth in 9:00 to capture the U.S. Title.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good short match. The surprising push of R-Truth continues. Do they feel short on top babyfaces or has he just impressed the right people? It'll be interesting whether he catches on with a push at this level, getting clean wins over Ted DiBiase and Miz on back-to-back nights.

-A clip aired of Batista quitting WWE earlier and then Bret being announced as the new G.M. of Raw. Cole and Lawler hyped the Raw main event of Cena vs. Jericho vs. Edge.

-Josh Mathews interviewed Cena backstage. He said last night he was feeling pretty good for the first time in a long time when Batista said "I quit." But then Sheamus kicked him in the face. He said some people are wondering why. He said it's because of the WWE Title. He said some wrestlers work their entire careers to earn a shot at it, but once you get it, it's harder to keep it. He said challengers keep coming from everywhere and you end up with your back against the wall. He said every champion has a choice - run or fight. "And I fight," he said. He said he can't promise he'll keep the title forever, "That's unrealistic," he said. "But I will promise this. The person who takes this from me is going to earn it." He said he's tired of accepting challenges, so now he's making them. He said everyone is on notice and he will rain down a world of hurt on anyone who looks even close to becoming a threat. He said he's done playing nice because "the C-Nation is Here." [c]

[Q6]

-Jon Lovitz then was brought to the ring by the Bella Twins. He sat at a desk in the ring, doing a takeoff on "America's Got Talent." Lovitz said he now has more power than the announcers, the referees, and even Mr. McMahon. He introduced the Great Khali and Ranjin Singh singing "Putting on the Hits." This is not why I ever tune in to watch wrestling. I don't think many other people do, either. This is why some potential WWE fans or longtime WWE fans turn away and pledge allegiance to MMA. He said he once walked in on Rosie O'Donnell naked when filming "A League of their Own," which was worse than that performance. Jillian Hall was next, but Lovitz called a halt to her performance before she opened her mouth. He said the real talent is probably in the crowd. He began asking the fans who had talent. Many raised their arms. He called in a fan named Joe. He said his talent is that he can pull his eye out of his face. The Bella Twins winced. Lovitz grimaced. He tried, failed, the put in some eye drops, and then pulled it out. The crowd gasped. Lovitz said, "I'm gonna hurl." Cole said, "Lovitz has a real eye for talent." Out walked Ted DiBiase and Virgil. Are they turning DiBiase babyface, because anyone interrupting this drivel is the top babyface in the company.

DiBiase asked to buy the guy's eyeball. Joe said he can't sell that. DiBiase said if he can't buy it, he'll beat him up and embarrass him in front of everyone and then take it. Santino's music played and he walked to the ring. They did a gag where Santino threatened DiBiase with the hand twitch move that Lovitz learned. He did it to Virgil and Virgil dropped like he was shot. DiBiase, though, didn't sell it. DiBiase then gave Santino his Dream Street finisher. Lovitz said DiBiase won the talent competition. Okay, are we supposed to believe that the nerve hold thing really dropped Virgil? This is just ugly bad humor with no context outside of a puppet show for eight year olds where an audience might be receptive to it. Which means it's right up McMahon's alley. Why is it that anything funny Ranjin Singh is associated with makes me want to never watch WWE again? That's the type of skit that drive ratings below 3.0, not back to the mid-3s. It was that overly long and totally stupid MaGruber skit that set off this exodus of viewers from Raw that only going commercial-free was able to (temporarily?) stop... [c]

[Q7]

-They showed Lawler and Cole at ringside. Lawler teased Cole with the Lovitz pinch, then rolled his eyes. Cole and Lawler talked about Batista quitting. Yeah, but who cares? How can you switch gears and take anything seriously after Virgil just dropped like that for the Lovitz nerve hold that Santino applied?

4 -- THE HART DYNASTY (w/Natalya) vs. VLADIMIR KOZLOV & WILLIAM REGAL

Regal started the match, but tagged Kozlov in seconds later. Kozlov headbutted DHS in the chest, then tagged Regal back in. Regal missed his high knee and then quickly Tyson Kidd blind-tagged in and hit the Hart Attack clothesline for the win.

WINNERS: Hart Dynasty in 2:00.

-As the Hart Dynasty celebrated, a mystery tag tag and a woman attacked them and hit top rope splashes on all three. Cole and Lawler didn't identify the three wrestlers, who were the Uso Brothers (Jimmy & Jules) along with Sarona Snuka, the daughter of "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka. They've been working in FCW. [c]

-Mathews interviewed the final four NXT rookies, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, Wade Barrett, and David Otunga. Barrett and Gabriel said Slater should go home next. Slater said Otunga should go home next. They argued and Matthews plugged tomorrow night's NXT. Lawler then asked Cole if he's going to mention his confrontation with Daniel Bryan last week. Cole looked upset by Lawler bringing it up. They threw to a clip. It was one of those angles that was played up as if it was really real, which is dumb because it just says everything else the rest of the time is fake. Cole said it's been a rough week for him. He said he went through mental, physical, and psychological stress. Cole said he's met with his team of attorneys and tomorrow night he's going to call Bryan out and demand that he publicly apologize to him. He said if he doesn't apologize, he'll sue him for everything he's worth.

-Jericho walked up to Edge and said they both know Cena is hurt and is the weak link in the match. Jericho said he's going to get to him first. Edge said maybe he won't pin Cena at all, but instead he'll beat him.

-They showed Cena heading toward the entrance tunnel.

[Q8] [c]

-Cole and Lawler plugged that Ashton Kutcher would be guest hosting next week. Let's hope he brings in his own writers.

5 -- JOHN CENA vs. CHRIS JERICHO vs. EDGE -- Fatal 4-Way Qualifying Match for WWE Title Shot

Cena clotheslined Edge over the top rope early. He then flipped out of a Jericho attempt at a Walls of Jericho and clotheslined Jericho over the top. They cut to an early break. [c]

Back from the break, Edge and Jericho were doubling on Cena. Cena showed a sign of comeback. Edge ten schoolboyed Jericho for a near fall. Jericho backdropped a charging Edge over the top rope to the floor seconds later. Jericho then worked on Cena. He gave him a weak lazy stomp that barely grazed him. He followed with some decent looking stomps and forearms next. Jericho applied a chinlock next. Cena powered out of it and went for an Attitude Adjustment. Jericho turned it into a DDT for a near fall. The impact of Cena's head was awkwardly sideways and looked potentially damaging. He came up bleeding again above his right eye. They didn't stop the match to wipe away the blood.

Cena then went on a flurry of offense including the You Can't See Me routine. He went for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho landed awkwardly on his legs. Edge sort of speared him. Cena immediately put Edge in an STF. Jericho then put Cena into a Walls of Jericho, forcing Cena to give up on the STF. Edge moved in, but Jericho applied the Walls of Jericho on him. Edge hesitated long enough for Cena to sort of give Jericho a bulldog to break it up. Cena then caught Jericho mid-air and set up an Attitude Adjustment. Edge sort of speared Cena to break it up. Everything here is really sloppy. These guys are tired. All three were slow to get up. Edge went for the cover, but Jericho yanked him off and went for another Walls on Edge. Edge turned it into a small package for a believable near fall.

Jericho gave Edge an enzuigiri, then Cena clotheslined Jericho. Cena lifted Edge for an STF, but Edge shoved Cena into the Code Breaker. Edge speared Jericho and covered him for the win.

WINNER: Edge in 10:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4

-As Edge's music played, he headed to the back. Sheamus walked out. Then Randy Orton made his first appearance of the show. No cast or arm immobilizer for Orton. He was wearing his wrestling tights for some reason, though, even though he didn't wrestle and wasn't scheduled to (obviously).

FINAL THOUGHTS (7.0): Good opening segment, the qualifying matches (both of them) had a sense of purpose, and the outcome of the main event wasn't predictable, which was a bonus. Miz vs. R-Truth was the best match on the show, and the push of Truth is interesting and surprising. The women's match was annoyingly short, as usual. The tag team match was annoyingly short, also. The angle afterward with the new team introduced some hope of something fresh in the tag division. I don't know that Bret is a ratings draw, but he adds some legend star power and a long-term storyline possibility as he tries to "play it straight" as the man in charge. The Lovitz stuff was embarrassingly bad.

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