KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MAY 17, 2010
TORONTO, ONT.
AIRED LIVE ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-After the Raw opening, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They hyped John Cena vs. Sheamus, with Cole noting Cena has never defeated Sheamus. They also hyped that Raw was commercial-free.

-Bret Hart walked to the ring with his full ring intro music. Bret said when he heard Miz's challenge last week, he said he called WWE headquarters and accepted the challenge. He said sometimes you have a temper and you get worked up and get into a bad situation, but after a week to think about things, he said he wants to be remembered the right way. He said he doesn't want to be one of those old wrestlers who hangs on too long. He said he doesn't want to disappoint anyone, but he's not going to be wrestling anyone tonight. He said it's not the right way to go out. Lawler said Bret made the right decision. As the crowd expressed disappointment with Bret's decision, Chris Jericho's music interrupted.

Jericho entered the ring and said: "I have one word for you, Bret. Why?" He asked him why he decided to come back to Canada in the first place. He said he knows that he's a shell of his former self. He said he used to be one of the greatest of all time, but now he's nothing more than a pathetic has-been tarnishing his legendary status. He said if he doesn't want to soil his reputation, it's too late because he already has. He called him a hypocrite. He said he doesn't care about closure. He said he came back to WWE for the same reason he left, "because you're a shameless ego-driven phony." He said that's the same reason he was screwed in Montreal, "and quite frankly, you deserved it."

Bret said he can't believe Jericho is calling him a phony. He said his dad spent hours trying to teach him now to put on a headlock, but usually he was up at the fountain getting a drink. He said Jericho needs to look in the mirror at himself. Jericho said he did earlier today and he saw a man much better than Bret ever was. He said he's now become "the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be, and everybody knows it." Jericho asked why he even walked out there because he could have turned down the match in many ways. He said he wanted to step into the ring to show that he still matters, but he doesn't matter anymore. He told Bret nobody wants to see him in the ring anymore. A loud "We want Bret!" chant broke out.

Jericho said now everyone is going to remember him as the man who was too scared to fight Miz and back down on his word. He said his father would be ashamed of him. He said his family names means nothing anymore. Bret, showing how easily goaded he can be into agreeing to wrestle well past his prime and going against his stated principles, told Jericho to go ahead and tell Miz he accepts the challenge. Jericho said if he's a real man, he'll make it a no-DQ match. Bret said, "I don't think I'd want it any other way." This was a slick way to make it possible for Bret to win without following any rules and even having help, since it was Jericho's idea. He said he's no hypocrite because he stands by his word and is a man of his word. He said he'll be walking out of that arena with the U.S. Title belt around his waist. He also predicted the Hart Dynasty would remain tag team champions despite Jericho & Miz's attempts to beat them.

-At ringside, Lawler questioned Bret's agreeing to partake in the match. Cole touted that Raw is commercial-free "except in Canada." Cole also plugged the Randy Orton and Edge "Pick Your Poison" stipulation where each has picked an opponent for the other. Cole then threw to a segment featuring "a word from our sponsors." Some goof plugged WWE Shopzone and made a joke about how Great Khali hates rental cars. They showed Khali in a compact and Ranjin Singh saying they only had compacts. Hornswoggle then drove up in a Hummer and laughed at Khali. Singh made a stupid wincing face. I'll take commercials over that amateur hour comedy skit.

[Q2]

-Edge came out to his full ring intro and plugged his match against Randy Orton at Over the Edge. Christian's music then played. Edge looked on in shock that Orton had picked him as Edge's opponent. Lawler called it a stroke of genius. Cole said Edge is looking at a mirror image of himself in terms of wrestling skills and credentials.

1 -- EDGE vs. CHRISTIAN -- Pick Your Poison Match

Wait, if it's "Pick Your Poison," doesn't that mean Edge would have had a choice between two bad options? That's what that phrase means. It means you have a choice, but no option is good, i.e. pick your poison. This should be called, "Pick Your Rival's Opponent" or "Pick Your Rival's Poison," I suppose. Edge slapped Christian at minute into the match. Christian shot him a look, so Edge bailed out and circled the ring. When Christian chased Edge back into the ring, Edge punched him. Cole said at that moment that Edge is "the ultimate opportunist." At 3:00 Christian charged at Edge at ringside, but Edge sidestepped him and threw him into the security railing. They really badly wanted to cut to a break at this point out of habit, but couldn't. Christian rolled into the ring right before the ref counted to ten. After back and forth action for several minutes, Christian scored a near fall after a missile dropkick off the middle rope at 8:00. Edge came back and scored some near falls. He grew frustrated. Christian sidestepped a spear and scored a near fall with a sunset flip. Lawler said they may be so familiar with each other they can't beat each other. Christian went for a Kill Switch, but Edge sidestepped that and threw him shoulder-first into the ringpost, then speared him for the win.

WINNER: Edge in 11:00.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good match. I think long-time WWE fans hoped their eventual one-on-one match would mean a little more than this impromptu TV match.

[Q3]

-Randy Orton appeared on the big screen and told Edge to "listen up." He asked why Christian was out there because that is not who he picked to face him tonight. Edge blinked and looked confused. Undertaker's music then played. WWE didn't like that 3.05 rating last week as they're rolling out some big guns tonight within the commercial-free format.

2 -- EDGE vs. UNDERTAKER -- Pick Your Poison Match

Edge refused to participate, so he was intentionally counted out. Afteward, Christian threw Edge into the ring, at which point Taker chokeslammed him.

WINNER: Undertaker via countout in under a minute.

-A "not-a-commercial" aired promoting WWE's "Over the Edge" pay-per-view.

-Maryse held up a cover shot of a brunette Trish Stratus on a Canadian magazine, "Top Choice." Maryse said she doesn't understand how Canadians think Trish is a celebrity. The make-up lady asked her if she isn't also Canadian. Maryse said she's "French-Canadian, and there's a big difference." She began bad-mouthing Eve. Eve overhead it, took over for the make-up lady, and poured powder on her head. Eve slapped Maryse, then banged her head into the table next to her. Referees pulled them apart.

-A segment aired with Buzz Aldrin talking to his wife. Vickie Guerrero walked in and welcomed them to Raw. Buzz thanked her for visiting his office. Vickie said it's her office. Buzz said she resigned last week. She said that didn't count, it was under duress. Buzz said he heard it from "W-W.... [awkward pause] E... [awkward pause]... Headquarters." The fans groaned at his inability to say "WWE" without thinking about it. Buzz said he heard she is out and her replacement will be named next week. He welcomed her to stick around the office. He plugged his Buzz Aldrin iPhone and iPad App. The Bella Twins walked in. Buzz asked them to escort the Bellas to the back.

-A clip aired of Batista beating Mark Henry with a chair last week on Raw.

-Mark Henry walked to the ring. We weren't told why, but his music played, so presumably he was going to either address the Batista attack or wrestle someone. Batista jumped him in the aisle, threw him into the ringpost, and then threw him into the ringside steps. Batista celebrated in the ring and then walked to the back. Cole and Lawler said if Batista can do that to Henry, imagine what he can do to Cena at Over the Edge.

[Q4]

-Cole said: "Tonight Raw is commercial free, but now a word from our sponsor." I'm not sure WWE or Cole quite understands that a commercial is a paid message from a sponsor. Anyway, a vignette aired on Ted DiBiase and Truth's latest angle. They spoofed the credit card commercials that build up to something being priceless. The punchline was R-Truth slapping DiBiase.

3 -- TED DIBIASE (w/Virgil) vs. YOSHI TATSU

Ted DiBiase walked out with Virgil, the original (Mike Jones, later Vincent in WCW). I still swear Tatsu's theme song was used as the opening theme for a TV gameshow in the 1980s, like "Super Password" or something like that. DiBiase controlled most of the top two minutes. It was fun listening to Lawler try to come up with something to say about Yatsu. Tatsu made a brief comeback, but DiBiase won with Dream Street a minute later.

WINNER: DiBiase in 3:00.

-Afterward, Virgil grabed the Million Dollar Title belt and placed it over DiBiase's shoulder. DiBiase told R-Truth that one person who isn't ashamed to be a Virgil is the original Virgil. DiBiase said now that his trust fund has officially kicked him, he has no limits and can buy anything he wants.

-A video package aired on C.M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio at Over the Edge. Lawler said if Punk lost his hair, "It'd the greatest thing we've ever seen on Raw." Okay, calm down there Jerry. Cole said he's been wondering what Punk would look like bald "for a long time." Really? That's odd.

-Backstage Jericho chatted with Miz. Josh Matthews walked up to Miz for a comment. Miz yanked the mic from Matthews. Miz kept walking and said he shocked the world last week when he challenged Bret Hart to a match. He said it's obvious because he gets a chance to beat a national hero in his home country.

[Q5]

4 -- THE MIZ vs. BRET "THE HITMAN" HART -- U.S. Title Match

Lawler said Bret should have stuck to his original decision. Bret wore a Calgary Hitmen hockey jersey to the ring and jean shorts. Hey, that's John Cena's gimmick. He gave his sunglasses to a boy in the crowd. Lawler asked why Bret would even want to win the U.S. Title. Lawler said Miz goaded Bret into accepting the match. Miz said he doesn't trust him very much. He said he knows the Hart Dynasty is getting ready to interfere, so he paid a couple of guys to neutralize them when they show up. Out walked Vladimir Kozlov and William Regal. The Hart Dynasty attacked Regal and Koz by charging through the crowd and over the ringside barrier. Jericho then entered the ring to give Miz an apparent advantage. Natalya entered the ring and stood next to Bret. Miz and Jericho told her to get out of the ring and let the men fight. Natalya slapped Jericho. Bret punched Miz. Jericho punched Bret in the gut. David Hart Smith attacked Jericho from behind as Jericho trash-talked Bret. Miz punched DHS, knocking him to the floor. Miz and Bret were left in the ring. Cole said, "We're back where we started." The crowd chanted Bret's name. Miz kicked Bret in the ribs and then set up a sharpshooter. Tyson Kidd launched at Miz with a springboard dropkick. Kidd and DHS gave Miz a Hart Attack. Bret applied the Sharpshooter. Miz tapped out. Hart celebrated with the Hart Dynasty. Cole played up his NXT heel persona, saying that he wishes Bret stayed home. He said Bret needed 40 guys to beat Vince McMahon at WrestleMania and he needed all kinds of help to beat Miz.

WINNER: Bret Hart in 4:00 via tapout to capture the U.S. Title.

-Lawler told Cole to smile. They showed them at ringside as Lawler told Cole they're in Toronto and he should lighten up. Cole said Bret had his moment at WrestleMania. Cole then announced the first-ever Money in the Bank PPV. Lawler said it's a great match and he can't believe it's now a pay-per-view. A clip aired of Cena vs. Wade Barrett on Raw two weeks ago followed by Cena announcing the match stip for Batista last week.

-They went to another commercial spoof of Santino spitting white wine on Jillian Hall saying it tastes like goat urine. Cole and Lawler chucked at the attempt at comedy in that segment. I wonder what commercial just aired in Canada and whether it was at all funny.

[Q5]

5 -- LAYLA & MICHELLE MCCOOL & MARYSE vs. THE BELLA TWINS & EVE

Layla and McCool each wore Women's Titles to the ring. Lawler said they won a two-on-one match on Smackdown so they're both champions. We need a general manager on Raw to keep Smackdown wrestlers from showing up on Raw. Maryse pinned Bri Bella with her French Kiss after Bri missed a dive off the top rope. Lawler said he'd like to get a French kiss from any of the Divas except Maryse. The referee tried to hold Maryse back from going after Eve afterward. Nikki Bella got between them. Lawler offered to get between them and pull them apart.

WINNERS: McCool & Layla & Maryse in 3:00.

-They showed the skyline of Toronto's downtown.

-Josh Matthews interviewed Cena backstage. Cena said talked about various questionable decisions Cena has made lately including forfeiting his rematch clause, the end of the Last Man Standing match, requesting an I-Quit match against Batista, and now tonight accepting a match against Sheamus just six days before the big match against Batista on PPV. Matthews asked him what he says regarding his critics. Cena said: "A critic's job is to criticize, to find flaw in everything you do. I respect those people's right to their opinion, but I will give them none of my time." For someone who doesn't give his critics any of his time, he sure talks about them a lot. He said he wanted to turn his attention to the fans who stand behind him. He said he has tasted the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat, but he has never made a promise to his fans and not delivered. He assured everyone he has a plan. He said he is facing Sheamus to make sure he's not an obstacle at Over the Limit. He said tonight he takes Sheamus out. He said this is the last time they will meet. He said if Batista can make him say "I quit" he doesn't deserve to be champion or even another chance at being champion. He said the WWE Champion shouldn't be a quitter and he won't be. He said he doesn't underestimate Batista. He said he is responsible for his broken neck and he wears a scar every day that reminds him of it. He said Batista has failed to make him quit. He promised, "I will not quit! I will not quit! I will not quit!" He said at Over the Limit, Batista will quit "and the champ will be here!" That's Cena at his best when he's in that mode, saluting his fans, talking directly to them, acknowledging he doesn't always win, but pushing that he's a man of his word and he fights to the end.

6 -- RANDY ORTON vs. JACK SWAGGER -- Pick Your Poison Match

Cole called Orton "WWE's apex predator." After some early offense by Swagger, Orton came back with several clotheslines. At ringside, Swagger played possum and then threw Orton head-first into the ringside table.

[Q7] The crowd chanted "RKO!" Swagger reacted, giving Orton a chance to go for his DDT off the middle rope. Swagger countered with a powerful slam to the mat that could have gone badly for Orton's right arm if he had tried to brace himself instead of tuck it. Orton bailed out to ringside to recover. When he tried to re-enter, Swagger charged into him and sent him flying back to the floor. When Swagger went for a swing splash in the corner at 5:00, Orton moved and kicked him in the gut. He fired back with some clotehslines and a powerslam. It looks so different when he does it compared to TNA's Rob Terry. He set up Swagger for the DDT off the middle rope. He hit it. Cole shouted, "Vintage!" Orton slapped and punched the mat to signal the RKO was coming. Edge charged into the ring, prompting a DQ. Orton fought back. Edge blocked an RKO, but he pushed Orton right into Swagger and Orton gave Swagger the RKO instead. Edge then speared Orton. Great sequence.

WINNER: Orton via DQ in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Good start to a good match. Orton and Swagger are probably going to be very familiar with each other in the ring for years to come and given this sample, they'll have some four-star matches.

-An NXT "not-a-commercial" aired.

-Lawler and Cole at ringside discussed the Over the Limit PPV this Sunday.

-Justin Roberts introduced Buzz Aldren. He introduced him without telling the Canadian fans that he's a "true American hero," as Cole called him. He also said the character in Toy Story was named after him. Lawler: "His tie is sort of like you - loud and useless." That was mean! Lawler said it's amazing to have a man standing in the WWE ring who also stood on the moon. Aldren said he's been having a wonderful time. He then awkwardly said, "Monday Night Raw! Randy and Jack on the mat, what's better than that?" Aldren said he's been working on "making our space program much better for the last 30 years." He talked about the President having a good program. He said they need new rockets and spacecraft. He then shifted to Canada, saying Canada has done some wonderful things including building the landing gear on the Eagle spacecraft that they used when landing on the moon. He said he loves Monday Night Raw. He continued to wave his hands awkwardly. They left him hanging for a few seconds even after he ran out of things to say. That was just mean of them, and I have little doubt it was on purpose because they run such a tight ship.

Zach Ryder's music played and he walked out with Alicia. He said he heard that nobody landed on the moon and it was all faked. He said he'd rather be homeless living in the U.S. than live in a mansion eating moose meat in Canada. He said the last man who accused him of faking the moon landing he punched in the face. They showed rough camcorder footage of Buzz punching a guy in the face years ago who accused him of being a coward and a liar by faking the moon landing. He told Zach he won't actually punch him, but he is going to be in the corner of the team that is going to punch them out. He said it's Toronto's own Gail Kim and Evan Bourne, "that guy who blasts off Monday nights." Bourne and Kim ran to the ring and shook hands with Aldren.

[Q8]

7 -- EVAN BOURNE & GAIL KIM vs. ZACK RYDER & ALICIA

Nice dose of athleticism, which this show is sorely lacking lately and I think is greatly underrated as a reason by WWE's management and creative team when it comes to mysteriously sinking ratings. Afterward, Bourne did a really lousy moonsault, and then Buzz did his own version which looked like a Jeff Jarrett strut played backwards, but nothing like a moonwalk.

WINNER: Kim & Bourne in 3:00 when Kim pinned Alicia. Good short TV match.

-Cole and Lawler announced that Jon Lovitz would guest host Raw next week.

-A lame comedy skit aired with Goldust on a blind date. He asked the woman, "So, should I call you?" She said no. He asked if he could breath on her. She said no. He did anyway. Does WWE management realize the last time they did anything to establish Goldust's character was when Bill Clinton was president?

8 -- SHEAMUS vs. JOHN CENA

Sheamus went after Cena quickly, but Cena immediately fought back with a flurry of offense. He remained on offense for a while, but as he beat down Sheamus, more boos began to be heard from the crowd. He threw Sheamus shoulder-first into the ringpost at 3:00. Sheamus clutched his arm at ringside and made it back in before the tenth count. Cena lifted Sheamus for an Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus escaped and gave Cena a backbreaker instead for a two count. Sheamus went on sustained offense against Cena. Lawler said the cumulative effect of the beating Cena was taking would be good for Batista on Sunday. Cena made a Tommy Dreamer comeback, but Sheamus countered a bulldog attempt and then kicked Cena to the floor again.

[Q9] At the top of the hour, Cole did a show reset introducing the commercial free Raw, touting the main event in progress, and hyping Sunday's PPV. He also recapped that Bret Hart was the new U.S. champion. At 8:00 Cena hit two flying shoulder tackles and then went into his "You Can't See Me" routine including connecting with the Five Knuckle Shuffle. When he went for the Attitude Adjustment, Sheamus held onto the top rope. Batista then entered the ring. Cena dumped Sheamus over the top rope and then turned to meet Batista who surprised him with two spinebusters.

WINNER: Cena via DQ in 9:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- What you'd expect from these two. Solid action, but yet another DQ finish from interference - while in isolation making sense storyline-wise - was one too many on this show.

-The post-match beatdown continued with Batista shifting to a submission hold so he could try to get Cena say "I quit." Batista told him to say it, but Cena just yelled in pain as the referee tried to talk Batista into breaking the hold. The show ended with Cena locked in the hold and no announcer sign-off.

[Torch photo credit Wade Keller (c) PWTorch.com]

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