KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
DECEMBER 7, 2009
DALLAS, TEX.
AIRED LIVE ON USA NETWORK

Originally Published: PWTorch Newsletter #1121, available for VIP members by clicking HERE to Go VIP.

[Q1]

-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show and hyped The Miz vs. Mark Henry and Chris Jericho vs. DX. Justin Roberts introduced Mark Cuban.

-Cuban walked into the ring from the crowd and said he's incredibly excited to be their guest host for Monday Night Raw. He asked for the Dallas Maverick fans to cheer. He said he gets crazy at courtside at Mavs games, but they haven't seen anything yet because he's "large and in charge all night long." He said later in the show he has a verbal showdown scheduled between Sheamus and John Cena. He said they can say whatever they want to each other, no holds barred. He said then threw to the ring intro for John Cena.

1 -- JOHN CENA vs. CARLITO

Roberts introduced Cena as "Gee-awwwwnn-Ceeee-naw." Carlito scored with an early kick to the face. Cena countered with an Attitude Adjustment attempt, but Carlito escaped and hit a dropkick. Lawler noted that Cuban took a seat at ringside next to Shawn Marion, Tim Thomas, and other Mavs. Cena went into his finishing routine at 2:00, which prompted Sheamus to interrupt. He stepped onto the stage as his music played. Cuban got up and walked toward Sheamus. He called for security who blocked Sheamus's path to the ring. Carlito took advantage of the distraction and took control of the match. He went for his Back Stabber, but Cena caught him and dropped him with an Attitude Adjustment for the win. Cena shook hands with Cena afterward, then applauded his win.

WINNER: Cena in 3:00.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Fine for what it was. A good way to feature Cena in a match, give him a win, and get Sheamus out there on camera as his rival messing with his matches.

-Cole plugged that Cena and Sheamus would go face-to-face later in a verbal battle. [c]

[Q2]

-A commercial hyped Dennis Miller as guest host next week for a special three-hour Raw which includes the Slammy Awards.

-Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, and Ted DiBiase walked to the ring as Orton's music played. Orton told Cuban he respects that he is exerting some authority. He said he has no doubt that Sheamus and Cena will tear each other apart at TLC. He also said he doesn't doubt that their showdown tonight will end in complete chaos. He told him he will lift the ban on him getting title shots against Cena. Cuban shook his head no. He looked like he was having the time of his life being the center of attention like this. DiBiase said he knows that rich people have pride, but that doesn't mean they have to be stupid. They showed Orton giving Cuban an RKO at Survivor Series 2003. "Orton a viper even then," said Cole.

Cuban said he thought it might go down this way, so he's not going to fight the winner of the tables match at TLC. Orton threw a brief fit. He said he got lucky last week against Kofi Kingston on Raw, and the only reason he won was because WWE refs "are worse than NBA refs." He said they didn't have the guts to stop the match when "The Legends" jumped in and attacked. He said he respects that Orton is a competitor and has something set up just for him tonight. He said he'll fight Kofi in a rematch tonight, but he will be the referee. He told Orton to deal with it.

Cody said: "You can't talk to us like that. This isn't Kenyon Martin, nor his mother." He told Cuban he is all talk. He asked the players if they want to do something memorable in this arena besides lose in the playoffs. Cody said he knows Cuban is dying to get involved, so why not face him in the ring tonight. He said if he wins, he lifts Orton's ban. Cuban asked him to take it up in June in Dallas after the Mavericks have won the NBA Title. He told them first they have a match. Out came Primo and Evan Bourne. [c]

2 -- CODY RHODES & TED DIBIASE vs. EVAN BOURNE & PRIMO

The match was joined in progress after the break. Bourne scored a near fall on DiBiase after double knees off the top rope. Rhodes broke up the pin. DiBiase came back with Dream Street seconds later for the win.

WINNERS: Rhodes & DiBiase in est. 5:00.

[Q3]

-Justin Roberts said that Rhodes & DiBiase were being ejected from the American Airlines Center by Cuban. Cuban waved good bye to them. Cole said Cuban did his homework before becoming guest host.

-They showed Cole and Lawler at ringside. Cole said it was Oct. 26 when Sheamus, "The Barbaric Irishman," arrived at Raw. He said throughout the night they'll show highlights of the destruction he's caused so far. They went to a video package of Sheamus beating up Jamie Noble. [c]

3 -- MARYSE vs. GAIL KIM

Kelly Kelly was guest ring announcer. Maryse shoved Kim in the head when the bell rang. Kim tackled Maryse. They rolled on the mat. Kim got control early including a brief flurry at ringside. Back in the ring, Maryse kicked Kim off the ropes and used the ropes for a leverage pin.

WINNER: Maryse in 2:00.

-Afterward, Maryse got in the face of guest ring announcer Kelly Kelly. She told her she's the next Divas Champion. She shoved Kelly and told her to say it. Kelly jumped her. Melina ran out and chased Maryse away.

-Cole plugged Orton vs. Kofi with Cuban as special referee. [c]

[Q4]

-They went to Triple H and Shawn Michaels with phony zany smiles pasted on their faces. They plugged the new DX t-shirt, skull cap, wrist bands, Santa hat, scarf, and slippers. Well, they said they're not going to plug those after plugging them. Hilarious! Michaels said he gave Hunter a gift, the new "Smackdown vs. Raw 2010" video game. He said it's set up and they can play it now. Hunter said he's already been playing it all week because he got one "free in the mail also." Michaels, caught giving away something he got for free, stammered. Hunter then presented Michaels his gift for him - a huge giftwrapped box. Hunter said he hopes it fits and he talked to "a really nice Pakstani lady on the phone" who said he'll get years of enjoyment out of it. Out popped Hornswoggle. He displayed a new t-shirt with Michaels, Hunter, and Hornswoggle on it. He made noises. Michaels interpreted, saying he is selling that t-shirt all over including online. Michaels said he says it may be illegal, but he's doing it anyway. Hunter asked how he got all of that from one grunt. Michaels said it's like when Hans Solo knew what Chewbacca was saying. Hunter and Michaels then pulled out a script and complained. "Who wrote this?" said Hunter. They panned over a guilty looking guy with headsets. Then Hornswoggle jumped off the top of the Christmas tree onto them. He crotch chopped them. Hunter called Hornswoggle, "The gift that keeps on giving."

-They went to the obligatory ringside shot of Lawler and Cole smiling and laughing. Cole announced that they reached an agreement with Sky Sports to carry Raw in the UK for another five years making it 25 years and counting. Lawler read a statement from a Sky Sports exec. Cole then threw to another video package on Sheamus, this time Sheamus's confrontation with Lawler.

-They showed Kofi warming up backstage. [c]

4 -- RANDY ORTON vs. KOFI KINGSTON

Orton settled into his obligatory chinlock. That gave Cole a chance to rundown a bunch of trivia facts about Cuban including being a disco dance instructor, bartender, party promoter, stamp collector and trader, and eventually a billionaire owner of the Mavericks and chairman of HDNet. "And now WWE referee," Cole concluded. Kofi rallied at 5:00 and hit a double legdrop. Orton ducked Trouble in Paradise and gave Kofi a backbreaker. Orton looked over at Cuban, then went for an RKO. Kofi surprised Orton with a backslide and Cuban made a mega-fast three count. Cuban said afterward it took six years, but he got payback. He said now it's 1-1, so the rubber match will take place at TLC. Then he celebrated with Kofi on the stage.

WINNER: Kingston in 6:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4

-Another video package aired on Sheamus featuring his "Breakthrough Battle Royal" win.

-After plugging DX vs. Chris Jericho, they showed Mark Henry and MVP heading toward the entrance tunnel. [c]

-WWE Faft: This year WWE once again placed in the top three in all of Yahoo searches - outranking Britney Spears, NASCAR, and American Idol.

[Q6]

5 -- THE MIZ vs. MARK HENRY -- U.S. Title match

Cole gave his obligatory list of former U.S. Title holders who went on to become Hall of Famers including Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Harley Race, and Dusty Rhodes. Henry outpowered Miz at the start, but Miz knocked Henry to ringside with a dropkick. He followed up by leaping off the ring apron with a dropkick, sending Henry into the ringpost. Henry grabbed Miz's throat and then returned to the ring to beat the count. Miz leaped off the top rope, but Henry caught him. When he went for a powerslam, Miz turned it into a DDT for the clean three count.

WINNER: Miz in 3:00 to retain the U.S. Title.

-They showed Jericho and Big Show talking backstage. [c]

-They showed Cuban standing and smiling at ringside while chatting with Chris Masters.

6 -- HORNSWOGGLE & EVE vs. JILLIAN & CHAVO GUERRERO

Cole asked Lawler if he'd let Jillian sing at his wedding if he were to get married again. The women started the match and didn't tag in the men once. Even scored the pin on Jillian after a flip senton.

WINNERS: Eve & Hornswoggle at 2:00.

-After the match Chavo interrupted the Eve and Hornswoggle celebration. He grabbed Hornswoggle. Eve got in Chavo's face. Chavo shoved Hornswoggle hard to the mat and told Eve to leave. Eve didn't. Chavo got in her face. Chris Masters entered the ring, took off his shirt, and approached Chavo. He told Chavo to pick on him instead. They trash-talked seemingly forever (is the show running short?). Masters's pecs danced a little. Chavo swung at Masters. Masters ducked, applied the Master Lock, and then slammed Chavo. Eve then laughed flirtatiously at Masters's pecs. Cole said it's pretty impressive what he does with his chest. Cole added, "I wish I could do that." Hornswoggle, wearing his DX t-shirt, tried to get his pecs to dance.

-Another video package aired on Sheamus.

[Q7] [c]

-Cole and Lawler stood mid-ring and hyped the TLC PPV line-up.

-Chris Jericho walked out to his ring intro. He bragged about all of the awards he will win at the Slammies. He said he is the greatest performer of his generation. He said he is bigger than Raw and he's omnipotent and he'll stay on Raw as long as he wants to stay on Raw. He talked about the plans to destroy DX at TLC. He closed with: "Never underestimate Chris Jericho." [c]

[Q8]

7 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. TRIPLE H & SHAWN MICHAELS - Two-on-One match

Hunter and Michaels dominated from the start. At 3:00 Jericho shoved the referee into Hunter. The Big Show ran to the ring. Michaels turned to fight him, but Show lifted Michaels by his head and head-butted him. Show pummeled Michaels in the corner. Hunter re-entered the ring and bashed Show across his back with a chair. Show turned around after a few seconds and KO punched the chair into Hunter's head. Hunter went down. Michaels pulled a ladder out from under the ring and slid it into the ring. Jericho slidekicked the ladder into Michaels. Show picked up the ladder and swung it into Hunter. Then Michaels when he re-entered the ring. Jericho sandwiched Michaels and Hunter in the ladder. Jericho then bashed the ladder with a chair twice, making loud noises. The crowd chanted "DX, DX" as Jericho trash-talked them. Jericho grabbed the tag belts from ringside and yelled "Never! Never!" at Hunter and Michaels. He then climbed the ladder with the tag belts in his hands.

WINNERS: No decision announced. [c]

[Q9]

-They showed former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin smiling at ringside.

-Mark Cuban stood mid-ring at a podium and introduced Sheamus. After Sheamus's ring intro, he introduced Cena. Cuban said he had three questions for each and they could answer any way they liked. He said that as if wrestlers are often not allowed to speak their minds freely. Sheamus said on June 7, 2002 Cena made his WWE debut and it took him three years to win his first World Championship. He said it'll take him just weeks. Cuban asked for a Cena rebuttal. He said: "No comment." Cuban asked if either were concerned about competing in a tables match on Sunday. Sheamus said Cena isn't concerned enough. He said Cena last week said he'd cash in his rematch clause immediately at the PPV if he loses to him. He said he'll be in no condition to do so. He said he'll put him through a table twice "and I'll watch your backbone shatter." He said he has never faced anyone like him. Cena again replied: "No comment." Cuban asked his final question, which was whether either had something to say directly to his opponent.

As Sheamus began to speak, Cena stood and said, "Actually, Mark, I have a question for Sheamus." He said he couldn't help but notice he talks a lot. "I hope you believe what you're saying," he said. Cena said he's been in WWE for seven years and faced a wide variety of wrestlers from Shawn Michaels to Kevin Federline. He said they've all come to him, looking to put themselves on the map. He said sometimes they targeted him because they wanted to wipe the smile off his face. He said others have made threats like Sheamus has. He said he's been beaten, battered, hospitalized, operated on, kicked in the skull, and thrown through glass. He said he's been in arenas where thousands loved him and others where thousands couldn't stand him. "But in seven years I've never given up," he said. "And I believe in everything I say." He said he is on another level. He said he believes in hustle, loyalty, and respect and has earned the right to say, "The Champ is Here!" He said Sheamus should know that one cheap shot and smash through a table won't slow him down. He told Sheamus he impresses him, but he doesn't intimidate him for a second. Sheamus threw down his table. Cena threw a chair and knocked over his table. He shoved down the podium. Sheamus knocked Cuban down, then gave Cena a cheapshot. He threw the desk chair to the floor. He set up a table in the corner. As Cena began to get up, he kicked him in the head.

Cuban stood up and went chest to chest with Sheamus. He shoved Sheamus to the mat. Lawler said Sheamus wasn't ready for that, saying he was off-balance. Cole said it looked like he tripped over himself. Sheamus stood up and stared down Cuban. Then he kneed him in the gut. Cuban dropped and curled up on the mat. Sheamus lifted Cuban and drove him through the table set up in the corner. There's what they call a SportsCenter Moment. To Cuban's defense came four Mavs players. Sheamus bailed out and backtracked up the ramp. Cole said Sheamus demands to be taken seriously. Cena finally got up and glared at Sheamus on the stage as Cuban was shown being tended to by medics. Good show-closing angle to sell the Cena-Sheamus match on Sunday. It'd have been nice if the Mav players weren't smiling and instead looked concerned.

QUOTEBOOK

Jerry Lawler on Eve: "If I still had a soul, she'd probably be my mate."

John Cena to Sheamus: "You are looking at 250 pounds of problem that you have made very, very angry."

John Cena to Sheamus: "You either back up what you say or I'm the guy who makes you a footnote in WWE history."

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