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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (10-2-03): Brock Lesnar & John Cena vs. Kurt Angle & Undertaker, Big Show in bathroom stall, Vince McMahon with Sable

Oct 3, 2008 - 12:11:00 PM

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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
OCTOBER 2, 2003
TAPED TUESDAY

-Michael Cole and Tazz introduced the show. They went right to the first match.

1 -- MATT HARDY (w/Chavo Guerrero) vs. EDDIE GUERRERO (w/Chavo Guerrero) - U.S. Hvt. Title match.

Cole said Shelton Benjamin will be back from knee surgery in two weeks and teaming with Charlie Haas again. After some back and forth action in the opening minutes, Hardy missed an elbow at 5:00. Guerrero then hit his triple vertical suplex sequence. He then went to the top rope, but Hardy caught him up there with a superplex. Both men were down for a while. Hardy was the first up. Guerrero, though, caught Hardy grandstanding and huracanrana'd him off the ropes. Hardy kicked out and actually lifted his shoulders at two (something many wrestlers don't bother to actually do when they "kick out"). At 7:30 came a clever finishing sequence. Hardy hit a Side Effect and neckbreaker, then signalled for Moore. Hardy took a swing at Chavo at ringside, prompting Chavo to jump onto the ring apron. The ref turned to them while Moore entered the ring to hit Guerrero with the tag title belt. Guerrero kicked the belt into Moore's face. Then Guerrero tossed the tag belt to Hardy and faked being hurt. The ref turned around and scolded Hardy. The ref yanked the belt away from Hardy. Chavo then took the opportunity to KO Hardy with the over tag belt. Eddie followed up with a Frog Splash for the pin.

WINNER: Guerrero in 8:00 to retain the U.S. Title.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Really clever finishing sequence where the heel got what he had coming and was outsmarted in the cheating department by a more clever babyface.

-Cole plugged the Brock Lesnar vs. Undertaker WWE Title match and Vince vs. Stephanie I Quit match. He said they'd have more on those matches later.

[Commercial Break]

-Josh Matthews, well tanned as always, caught up with John Cena backstage. He told him he'd be facing Kurt Angle later in a tag match. Matthews told Cena that he hit Angle with some "dope rhymes" last week and Angle didn't like it. Cena mocked Matthews for trying to have "street cred" and told him Angle is jealous that he's becoming an American icon because he does things the American way, for himself. He said tonight Angle would stand in his shadow.

-Backstage the Guerreros celebrated backstage their championships. They bumped into Big Show and asked him if he was in a bad mood last week when he attacked them. He said he just doesn't like them. "I don't like your kind," he said. He said he likes tacos and enchiladas, but not them. "There's nothing that either of you two can do about it," he said, then he shoved them to the floor with one hand.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed a clip of the Guerreros during the break. Chavo asked Eddie why he let Show shove him to the ground. He asked what happened to the Latino Heat he once knew. Eddie shoved Chavo against the wall and told him he'd take care of it.

2 -- THE APA vs. THE BASHAMS (w/Shaniqua)

After some basic action that you'd expect from these two teams in the first four minutes, the ref was bumped. Shaniqua gave Bradshaw a big boot to the face at ringside at 4:22. Meanwhile, the Bashams double-teamed Faarooq in the ring for the win. After the match, Bradshaw broke up the Bashams' celebration. Shaniqua attempted to kick Bradshaw again, but he shoved her down. Then when she got up, he gave her the Clothesline from Hell. "Shaniqua, if you don't believe in God, start," said Tazz.

WINNERS: The Bashams at 4:40.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

[Commercial Break]

-A-Train joined Cole and Tazz at ringside for commentary.

3 -- CHRIS BENOIT vs. CHARLIE HAAS

Train gave Benoit conceited smile at ringside when Benoit stared him down from the ring. Train said at No Mercy he will prove he can beat the Rabid Wolverine. I like the use of wrestlers doing guest commentary to promote their PPV matches. In the case of Train, it's a good way to give him a chance to establish his character and his issues with Benoit without having to carry a promo by himself. That said, his commentary wasn't anything special. He just said in a gravely voice that he planned to prove Benoit couldn't beat him and he would ground and pound him. He sounded a bit like Jesse Ventura, minus the wit. When Train said he outweighs Benoit by 150 pounds, Taz said that's like two Michael Coles. They used a camera angle behind Train at ringside to show off his hairy back. When Benoit tumbled to ringside, Train stood up and distracted Benoit, giving Haas a chance to blindside Benoit with a forearm. He followed by dropping Benoit with a gutbuster at ringside. Haas slowed the match down with an armbar at 4:00. Haas continued to stomp away at Benoit with a methodical offense, then applied an abdominal stretch variation. Benoit came back at 6:30 with his German suplex sequence, but Haas reversed it in mid-stream and continued on offense. Benoit gave Haas a Snake Eyes to begin his full-fledged comeback. He then gave Haas a released German suplex for a two count at 7:25. He followed with a sharpshooter. Haas reached the bottom rope. Haas gave Benoit a belly-to-belly overhead suplex. Tazz sold the landing as if it were really bad, although it looked pretty save (although impressive and scary also). When Benoit applied the Crossface, Train interfered for the DQ.

WINNER: Benoit via DQ at 8:32.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- A bit sluggish, but fundamentally sound.

[Commercial Break]

-Vince McMahon swaggered to the ring with Sable hanging on his left arm. Cole said Vince could fire his daughter, but instead he wants to make her suffer. Tazz he doesn't think Vince is going to go through with it. Vince said he is going to give Steph a second chance to back out of the Lesnar vs. Taker title match and the I Quit match and respectfully resign as GM of Smackdown. He said everybody needs second chances because people make so many mistakes. He said everybody in the crowd are all quitters, "so don't begrudge Stephanie when she quits." Steph came out and said her answer is "quite simply no." Vince said he will quit when everybody at the arena hears the blood curdling scream from her. He said when she quits at No Mercy, she'll be quitting not just the match, but also her job as GM of Smackdown. Steph told Vince he doesn't have to go through with the I Quit match. He said he does because he won't let anyone, not the fans or his own flesh and blood, defy him. He reminisced about holding her tenderly as a child, her first dance recitals, her first bike ride, and now she's throwing it all away. he said she is ruining that by making him crush her in his hands and leave her in a bloody pulp. "That's what you're making me do," he said. He doesn't know if he is capable of doing it, but he thinks he is. "Why are you doing this to me?" he said. "Do you have any idea how this is going to affect me? At No Mercy I will strike down the face of defiance!" Sable told Vince not to be so hard on himself. She said not to think of Steph as his daughter, but as a disrespectful little bitch. Steph told Sable she should go do what she does best and go back in the men's locker room and lay flat on her back. Sable slapped Steph. Steph tackled Sable. Vince immediately yanked Steph off of Sable by her hair and went psycho in her face, then bodyslammed her. Afterward, he seemed to have a breakdown in the ring, questioning himself for his actions. Steph began crying as Vince grabbed her again. Undertaker then entered the ring and stood over Vince, who stopped in his tracks and looked like he just woke up from a nightmare. Taker punched him as the crowd cheered. He followed with a chokeslam. Brock Lesnar charged into the ring, but Taker blocked him immediately with a big boot. The heels headed toward the back. Steph stood and continued crying as Taker's music played. Vince and Brock shared a smile over their actions.

[Commercial Break]

-A guy dressed in a big Mexican hat said he was looking for Eddie Guerrero. He said his name was Jose. He had a bag pull of burritos. Show grabbed the bag and said Eddie couldn't eat all of them. Show began chowing down. Show then spit out a wad of the burrito and gave it to Jose to deliver to Eddie. He told him to tell Eddie he gave him some special sauce.

4 -- TAJIRI vs. KIDMAN -- Cruiserweight Title match

Tazz and Cole said they hoped Guerrero isn't eating the burrito with the "special sauce." Kidman dove over the top rope onto Tajiri in the opening minute. Tajiri roundhouse kicked Kidman in the head as Kidman propelled himself into the ring over the top rope. Tajiri worked over Kidman's arm most of the early minutes. Kidman came back at 4:30 with a comeback, but was hampered by his bum arm. Tajiri came back with a kick, but Kidman surprised him with a reverse into a BK Bomb for a near fall. Tajiri applied the Tarantula at 6:00. He followed up with several kicks for the clean pin.

WINNER: Tajiri at 6:40 t retain the Cruiserweight Title.

STAR RATING: ** -- Solid match.

[Commercial Break]

-A feature aired on The Rundown where Rock said he did all of his stunts over and over again, then admitted near the end his cousin actually did two of the stunts, including a tumble down a big hill. The stunts they showed Rock doing were pretty intense, though.

5 -- BIG SHOW vs. ORLANDO JORDAN

Show came to the ring, but rubbed his stomach and seemed a bit unsettled. Show gave Jordan a kick to start, but then keeled over with stomach cramps. Jordan threw some shoulders to Big Show's gut. Show doubled over and bailed out to ringside and retreated to the back, holding his hand to his back as if he was holding something in. Cole wondered if it was the burritos. "It looks like mother nature might have called, Cole," said Tazz. Jordan won by countout.

WINNER: Jordan at 1:35 via countout.

STAR RATING: n/a

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Tazz interviewed Zach Gowen "via satellite." He said he might not be feeling 100 percent, but he said it's been a long time since he's been 100 percent. He said he appreciates everyone's concern. He's tired of the sympathy and talking about whether wrestling is right for him. He said he's never been more sure about being a wrestler than anything in his life. He said next week he'd be back in the ring. He looked quite smug.

-They went to the restroom where there were splashing noises in the stall as Show made noises. Eddie talked to him and said it smelled like something crawled up inside of him and died. Eddie said that's what happens when you punk him out. Farting noises kept coming out of the stall. "I did this!" said Guerrero. He said he made some real good special sauce that makes Show's stomach do what it's doing. Guerrero asked him what he's going to do to whip his ass. Show discovered there was no toilet paper. Guerrero then kicked in the stall door. Show stood up, but had to sit down again in agony. I don't really know what to say about that other than I can't understand why Smackdown's ad rates are lower than just about any other show on prime time TV, even much lower rated shows.

-John Cena told the fans they watch the show for him, he makes it okay to root for the villain. He made a reference to finding out a hot chick you're making out with is a dude. He told Angle he's just "red, white, and blow."

[Commercial Break]

6 -- BROCK LESNAR & JOHN CENA vs. UNDERTAKER & KURT ANGLE

The WWF Title belt does look like it was custom made for Brock's body. Cena and Angle began with some exchanges. Taker tagged in and dominated Cena for a couple minutes. Angle tagged back in at 2:45 and Cena immediately took over offense and stomped away at him in the corner. When Cena tossed Angle to ringside, Brock rammed him back-first into the edge of the ring.

[Commercial Break]

Brock beat on Angle as they returned from the commercial break. Cole reminisced about the Hell in a Cell match between Lesnar and Angle last week. Cole said Lesnar is a lot better than he was back them. He said Taker, though, is healthier because he was working with a broken hand last October. Angle continued selling for Cena and Lesnar, who tagged in and out several times. Lesnar hit Angle with a delayed cradle suplex, a cool move. Taker broke up a pin attempt at 12:00. Lesnar knocked Taker off the apron. Angle surprised Lesnar with a cradle for a near fall. He followed up with an Angle Slam. Angle and Lesnar both crawled tot heir corners for hot tags. Taker cleaned house on both Cena and Lesnar with successive clotheslines against both men in opposite corners. Taker knocked Lesnar out of the ring with a punch. Lesnar nearly landed on his head. Taker then signalled for the Last Ride on Cena for a pop. He slammed Cena to the mat for a near fall, broken up by Lesnar at 14:30. Lesnar caught Taker with a spinebuster at 15:00. Taker hot-tagged Angle at 15:30 who cleaned house on both Cena and Lesnar. Angle gave belly-to-belly suplexes to both Cena and Lesnar. He followed with three successive German suplexes on Cena. Cena grabbed his chain and padlock. Angle applied his Anklelock. Lesnar broke it up. Taker beat on Lesnar in the corner. As the ref turned to them, Cena KO'd Angle with the chain to score the pin. After the match, Lesnar was going to F5 Taker on the announcers' desk, but Taker escaped and chokeslammed Lesnar onto the table instead. The show ended with Taker standing over Lesnar.

WINNERS: Cena & Lesnar at 16:40.

STAR RATING: ***1/4 -- Good TV main event.

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