By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
SEPTEMBER 22, 2003
LIVE FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.

-The show opened with Lilian Garcia welcoming U.S. soldiers attending Raw who were injured in battle in Iraq and Afghanistan. Then Garcia introduced the new hosts of Raw, Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow. They came out dancing and smiling, acting over-the-top cocky about their new jobs. They were met with silence from the crowd. After all, it's not as if the announcers affect the live crowd much. "This is great!" said Snow once he sat down and put on his headsets.

-Goldberg then came out to his music with the belt over his right shoulder. He stood on the second rope and held the belt in the air as the crowd cheered. This is WWE's chance to finally give the impression that Goldberg is a permanent resident of WWE, not just a special attraction stopping by for a few matches to pop a few buyrates. He has never declared why the belt was important to him. Instead, he just spewed tired catchphrases about who was next. This would be his chance to change that. Coach said, "The era of Goldberg begins tonight." Goldberg said he vowed to come to Washington D.C. as the new champion. He said he did it and to "believe the hype!" Before Goldberg could make any significant connection with the crowd or before he could screw up too bad, Steve Austin's music began and he walked out. He saluted the crowd with several middle finger salutes. He put over beer and the U.S. Armed Forces in his opening statement. He then turned to Goldberg and said he made him extremely happy last night because he went out and did exactly as he promised - beat Triple H 1-2-3. Austin said he had four words for him: "I'll drink to that." Austin caught a few beers and handed one to Goldberg. They had a beer together as Austin's music played. Coach blamed Austin fro trying to upstage Goldberg. Snow said he is trying to ruin a moment for another athlete. Then Eric Bischoff's music interrupted the Austin-Goldberg beerfest. Snow and Coach gave Bischoff a standing ovation on his way to the ring. Bischoff congratulated Goldberg as the crowd booed him. Bischoff said a few weeks ago when he said he bet on a winner, Triple H, he was actually just trying to motivate Goldberg. "I was trying to get you to be the best that you could be because you and I go back a long, long time," he said. "I know what it takes for you to get your gameface on. You see, Vince McMahon didn't create Bill Goldberg, Eric Bischoff created Billy Goldberg." Goldberg sneered and the crowd booed. Goldberg got in Spear position as Bischoff turned his back. When Bischoff turned around, Goldberg speared Bischoff. Neither looked like they knew what they were doing, as Bischoff's head flew into the bottom rope upon impact. Austin laughed as Goldberg screamed and left with the belt. Coach and Snow said Goldberg's actions were despicable.

[Commercial Break]

-Snow and Coach said they hoped Bischoff would be okay after his head hit the bottom rope with such force.

-They showed a military veteran who lose an arm in Iraq sending best wishes to his wife back home and his fellow soldiers still overseas.

1 -- CHRISTIAN vs . ROB VAN DAM - Intercontinental Title

They absolutely have to mention a match like this at the top of the show or else it immediately feels like nothing more than a throwaway match. WWE has conditioned fans, for all the right reasons, that big matches get big hype and if a match is just thrown on TV, it doesn't mean much. Snow and Coach said the online poll this week was: "Should Stone Cold be held accountable for the mass chaos on Raw?" Coach said Christian didn't want to have to defend the IC Title tonight, just 24 hours after his PPV title defense, but Austin made him. When Christian grabbed his belt at 1:00 and was going to retreat to the back, RVD flew over the top rope with a flip onto him. Coach and Snow agreed that Christian is the "greatest" and "most charismatic" IC Champ ever. RVD hit Rolling Thunder at 3:30. Coach used my least favorite term by an announcer. He called Christian's jaw a "kisser." Christian hit RVD with the IC belt to get DQ'd to save his belt. Snow said that was a brilliant strategy. Coach asked Snow what he meant. How could Coach not know what that meant? What is there not to get? Christian brought a ladder into the ring after the match, ramming RVD with it in the "kisser." Then he set up the ladder and climbed it. Christian leaped off the ladder and frog splashed RVD. He's no Shane McMahon. Super Shane O would have leaped off the scoreboard or the catwalk 100 feet above.

WINNER: RVD via DQ at 4:50 to retain the IC belt.

STAR RATING: *

-Coach plugged that Rock would be joining them live later.

-Bischoff talked to a medic backstage about his sore ribs. Jericho walked in and said as GM, it is unacceptable he got Speared. Jericho told Bischoff that Austin was laughing at him. Jericho asked for a WWE Title shot against Goldberg. Bischoff said he got it. Jericho said Goldberg's first title defense would be his last.

[Commercial Break]

-Coach said Shane McMahon was at an undisclosed location (sort of like Dick Cheney two years ago) recovering from his injuries suffered in his overzealous attempt to kill Kane last night. He said they'd have a word with him later.

-Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade walked out for a match, but Triple H, Randy Orton, and Ric Flair attacked them from behind. The fans taunted Hunter with chants of "Goldberg." "If you think me losing one match means I'm not still the best in this business, you are mistaken. I am the greatest professional wrestler alive today. I wake up every single day of my life knowing it because I live it, I breathe it, I prove it." He said last night Goldberg didn't beat him, he beat himself because he didn't believe the hype. He said Goldberg made him a believer. "Now, Goldberg, it's time for me to make you believe," he added. He told him the game is just beginning and to keep the belt warm for him.

[Commercial Break]

-A segment aired with Rock on the set of "The Rundown" talking about the smell of the bulls around him.

-Another message aired with another injured soldier who said his friend Jake, who died, "is gone, but not forgotten." He then began to fight back tears.

-Mark Henry, Teddy Long, and Rodney Mack walked to the ring. Is Mark Henry really the world's strongest man, as Lilian Garcia, or should Mack now get that title since he single-handedly stopped a hurricane just over a week ago. Okay, bad joke. Long said D.C. is just another place where white people hold back black people. He said the fact that the White House is white is racist (I actually had guest speakers at college claim the same thing, so Long's character isn't far off from reality.) Long said Henry was going to give any white boy in the back a chance to try to make a name for himself because they believe in giving opportunities to everyone. Tommy Dreamer came out with a kendo stick and trash can.

3 -- MARK HENRY (w/Long, Mack) vs. TOMMY DREAMER

Dreamer hit Henry with a trash can and kendo stick, but Henry no-sold it. He broke the kendo stick over his knee. Dreamer snuck in a shot on Mack when he stood on the ring apron, but Henry then powerslammed Dreamer for a quick win.

WINNER: Henry at 0:52.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Obviously, the only person who can stop Henry is Super Shane O.

[Commercial Break]

-They went into Evolution's locker room where Orton was admiring his washboard stomach. Orton's character is like a self-centered cat - easily mesmerized. Jindrak & Garrison barged in and were held back by Maven. Hunter challenged all three to a match later. So which of the three turns? Odds are in favor of Maven, but perhaps Jindrak is back in the race, or perhaps Garrison will come out of nowhere to get that coveted spot.

-Backstage Christian and Jericho were talking to each other and admiring Trish and Lita walking by. We could hear a director talking to "camera six" about
worst case scenario." Not sure what that was all about. Austin interrupted and asked if they were proud of themselves. Austin said next week would be Ross vs. Coach with the Raw broadcast spots on the line. Christian said he can't do that. Austin called Christian a CLB. Christian asked what that meant. Austin told him to guess. Christian guessed "Christian Likes Blondes." Then he looked at Jericho for a laugh. How romantic. Austin said it meant, "Creep Little Bastard." Austin then ordered a ladder match next week on Raw between Christian and RVD. Jericho said if Austin wants to play that way, he's got his own games to play.

-Coach plugged the women's PPV rematch up next.

[Commercial Break]

-Another soldier, who also lost part of his right arm, thanked his family and America for their support. These messages bring the realities of war home more than a full week of watching Fox News Channel.

-Snow told Coach not to worry about next week because he is a lean, trim athlete. That does beg the question: Does Austin have a plan because it's not as if Ross would be a favorite in a fight against Coach?

4 -- TRISH STRATUS & LITA vs. GAIL KIM & MOLLY HOLLY

Coach said he's not worried about being able to beat Ross. He said he almost feels bad for him because he humiliated him last night and now he'll do it again next week. Lita had Kim down for a pin, but Molly made the save just before the three count. Trish then tackled Molly at ringside while Lita gave Kim a Twist of Fate inside the ring to score the win.

WINNERS: Lita & Trish at 7:01.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Another spirited effort from these four. Lita has added some fresh blood to the women's division. It's nice to see four very different types of women wrestling on Raw right now, rather than whatever blond barbie doll type that those who are in charge of hiring women consider "their type" (and thus, in their mind, everyone's type). Some members of WWE management originally were against hiring Lita despite her athleticism because she didn't fit their type.

-Jericho visited Bischoff in his office. He said they would work together when opportunity presented itself to do their parts to stamp out Austin's power. He said by the end of the night, he'd be WWE Champ and they'd get the last laugh.

[Commercial Break]

-Clips aired of the Scott Steiner vs. Test match with Stacy's interference backfiring. Then apologized to Steiner for costing him the match. Test ordered Steiner to carry his bags in from the car. Steiner blew his top (big surprise). Test told him he is contractually obligated to do what he says. "A deal's a deal, Steiner," he said, adding he'd sue him for everything he's got if he didn't. Test left with Stacy. Steiner threw Test's bags out of the back of the car.

-Coach and Snow narrated over clips of Shane vs. Kane from the PPV. They showed Shane diving off the scaffolding, but they freeze-framed in mid-flight so those who ordered the PPV didn't feel ripped off. They went to Douglas who was in a hospital. Coach asked how he was doing. Shane said he doesn't believe Coach cares. He said they are doing tests on him, and he might have internal injuries, but he hoped to be released in the morning. He said Kane may have been the last man standing, but that won't be the case for long. Shane said as soon as he gets the opportunity, he'd... then Kane barged into the room and attacked Shane. He tipped Shane off of the hospital bed. There were nurses and doctors and patients screaming in the background. He told Shane to "get well soon," then threw him against a door. Good segment, actually. It sold Shane's injuries well while also forwarding the storyline setting up the scheduled house show matches between the two. Obviously Shane now has new reason for wanting revenge against Kane. Of course, this doesn't justify Shane being in this spot to begin with, but once you accept that, this was a good angle.

[Commercial Break]

-Highlights aired of the tables match the night before at the PPV.

5 -- HURRICANE & ROSEY vs. RENE DUPREE & ROB CONWAY (w/Sylvian Grenier)

Dupree and Conway came out all bandaged up from the tables match the night before with the Dudleys. Snow said he respects the right of La Resistance to wave their flag, but he felt taunting injured soldiers in the front row was going too far with it. The soldiers participated in a "USA" chant at ringside.

WINNERS: Hurricane & Rosey when Hurricane pinned Conway in 4:30.

STAR RATING: *

-Bubba and D-Von Dudley walked out to their music and congratulated Hurricane & Rosey for their win, raising them arms. Then they went to ringside and gave high-fives to the soldiers in the front row.

-They showed Evolution heading to the ring.

-Clips aired of Vince McMahon and Maven at the Washington D.C. National Press Club to announce a get out the vote campaign that WWE and the Hip Hop Summit Action organization are initiating together. "Wow, WWE and hip hop together. There goes the neighborhood," quipped McMahon, with a good one-liner.

-Snow and Coach talked about WrestleMania tickets going on sale on Saturday, Sept. 27. Snow said he expects to see King and Ross hanging out in line early so they can get their tickets.

6 -- RIC FLAIR & TRIPLE H & RANDY ORTON vs. MAVEN & GARRISON CADE & MARK JINDRAK

Jindrak, Garrison, and Maven charged the ring at the start and took it to the heels right away. The heels beat up the faces most of the match. Maven received a hot-tag from Cade and beat up Flair at 5:30. In a funny moment, Orton ran into the ring to cut off Maven's momentum, but he did so earlier than Maven expected. Orton was left standing in the ring, as Jim Cornette would say, "holding his d--- in his hand," as Maven whipped Flair into the ropes. Orton went from 100 percent and ready to attack Maven to instantly groggy and dizzy, as he feigned being unable to stand up and collapsed into the ropes. Once Maven finished his sequence of offense against Flair a few seconds later, Orton got better suddenly and went after Maven. If you taped the show, it's worth rewatching those few seconds. Funny. Six-way action broke out. Maven hit Flair with a top rope dropkick for a visual three count. The ref was concerned with the others brawling at ringside. Hunter snuck into the ring and gave Maven a Pedigree, then dragged Flair onto Maven. The ref returned to the ring and counted the pin. After the match, Hunter told the crowd, "You people might not like, but the fact is you need me a hell of a lot more than I need you." Coach said he didn't know what that meant.

WINNERS: Evolution when Flair pinned Maven at 7:13.

STAR RATING: *3/4

[Commercial Break]

-Marc Loyd attempted to interview Rock "live" at Universal Studios in Hollywood on the red carpet. Rock thanked "Vince McMahon and a lot of guys in the back, wrestlers and crew, who helped me for the last six or seven years get where I am now, all the boys in the back, I want to thank you. I made some great friends, you guys know who you are." He also thanked the fans. Loyd asked him about an embarrassing himself in the movie. Rock said it's true that a monkey had his way with him while he was hanging upside down. Rock said he did that to entertain the fans, whereas Loyd does that at home for his own entertainment. He said when Loyd is done with his job, he goes back to his hotel room and wipes bananas all over his body and sucks monkey nipples. Loyd told fans to "rundown the theaters" on Friday. Rock interrupted and demeaned his attempt at a play on words. He gave a final pitch for the movie and gave a final thanks with a genuine looking smile.

[Commercial Break]

7 -- GOLDBERG vs. CHRIS JERICHO - WWE Title match

Goldberg threw some knees at Jericho in the corner to start the match, then tossed him across the ring. Coach acknowledged that they had issues with each other back in their WCW days and have never gotten along. Jericho escaped to ringside. Goldberg pursued him. Goldberg stopped and yapped at Bischoff, who had assigned himself the role of ringside referee. Back in the ring, Goldberg continued to overpower Jericho. When Goldberg charged Jericho in the corner, Jericho lifted his boot and caught him in the face. He punched him a few times, but Goldberg came back quickly and pressed Jericho in the air and then dropped him across the top rope. Goldberg went for a Spear at ringside, but Jericho sidestepped him and Goldberg rammed himself into the ringside stairs shoulder-first. Jericho hit Goldberg with a top rope dropkick and then clamped on a submission hold. Goldberg escaped and caught Jericho with a boot. Goldberg went back to selling his left arm. Jericho caught Goldberg in mid-air and turned it into a DDT and scored a two count. He stomped away at Goldberg, then attempted to apply the Walls of Jericho. Goldberg powered out, though, and pressed Jericho again and then dropped him to the mat in an awkward, dangerous looking move that almost caught Jericho's leg underneath him on impact. As the ref began counting the pin, Bischoff stopped him. Goldberg then choked Bischoff. Jericho gave Goldberg a low blow from behind. Just when I thought they might be doing a title change, Coach declared: " I can feel it, we're going to have a new World Champion," which of course confirmed that there would be no title change. I hate that they don't just let the match tell the story, because forcing the message down our throats verbally just ruins it because it's so predictable. There's no way the announcer would say the title was about to change if it actually was about to change because that would be seen as ruining the surprise. Jericho hit the Lionsault, but Goldberg kicked out at two (not two-and-a-half, because Goldberg isn't a wimp). Austin ran out and yanked Bischoff out of the picture. Goldberg then Speared a distracted Jericho, who was yelling at Austin. Goldberg followed up with a Jackhammer for the win.

WINNER: Goldberg at 7:00 to retain the WWE Title.

STAR RATING: ** -- Solid TV main event.

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