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KELLER'S TNA REPORT 5 YRS. AGO (7-30-03): One of least compelling PPV headline matches ever, Morton, D-Lo, Shark Boy, Styles Jul 31, 2008 - 12:15:57 PM
KELLER'S NWA-TNA PPV REPORT
JULY 30, 2003
LIVE FROM NASHVILLE, TENN.
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
-D-Lo Brown and A.J. Styles agreed to a rematch next week for the NWA World Hvt. Title.
-Chris Sabin beat Michael Shane to retain the X Title. Shane is Shawn Michaels's cousin and trained with Michaels a few years ago.
-Raven got pinned in the six-man brawl after a mystery man attacked him under the ring.
-Jeff Jarrett pinned Legend in the final match, after which Christopher Daniels attacked Jarrett.
DETAILED RESULTS AND ANALYSIS OF THE SHOW
-Highlights aired of the finish of last week's A.J. Styles vs. D-Lo Brown ladder match that ended in a draw, but the ref ruled Styles retained the title.
-Footage aired of Vince Russo and Styles discussing the finish of last week's match, with Russo giving Styles a pep talk about how a champion keeps the belt unless a challenger decisively beats him.
-Scott Hudson attempted to get a comment from A.J. Styles as he got out of a limo outside the arena. Styles said the agreed upon answer was no comment.
1 -- JERRY LYNN vs. ELIX SKIPPER
Lynn scored a quick pin at 0:22 with a schoolboy. Afterward, Skipper said he doesn't care what just happened, Lynn isn't half the man he is. He challenged him to show some balls and make it two out of three falls. Lynn agreed. Early in the second fall, Skipper crotched Lynn on the top rope, then climbed to the top rope and walked half way across on the top rope a la Undertaker and Spoiler and took Lynn down with a head scissors. Skipper continued to dominate offense. On a flying clothesline, there was a miscommunication between he and Lynn, but Skipper adjusted well in mid-flight and still tackled Lynn to the mat. Lynn made his first big comeback at 5:00. The ref got knocked down at 5:45. Skipper hit Lynn with a low blow, but when he went to hit Skipper with the scale, Lynn kicked the scale into Skipper's head. The ref came to and counted the pin.
WINNER: Lynn in two straight falls (first fall 0:22/second fall 6:08)
STAR RATING: *3/4 -- Good six minute opener.
-Tenay and West previewed the rest of the show.
-Sonny Siaki and Trinity walked to the ring. He took some shots at Styles and called him out. Styles walked out with the title belt over his shoulder. Styles is dressing like a champion now, too, with a classy shirt and slacks. Styles asked Styles, "What did you just say? Maybe I didn't hear correctly." Styles said like the Tampa Bay Bucs and Lennox Lewis, he is a champion because he earned it. He told Siaki he might have forgotten his role in "Team Styles." Fans chanted "Know Your Role." When Siaki looked at the crowd, Styles improvised, "You're problem's over here, not over there." He said he rides the limos and Siaki rides his coat tails. Siaki said: "Listen kid, in case you didn't know, I'm Vince Russo's right hand man. I've always been his right hand man. You and I are just in the same playing deck, and as far as I see it, you're the little joker." Styles slapped Siaki. "Was that funny?!" demanded Styles. D-Lo came out and praised Styles for having a fire in his eyes and a desire to be the best. He said he knows it's been eating up Styles just as it's been eating him up not knowing who won last week. He challenged him to a rematch. Fans chanted "D-Lo, D-Lo." Styles said it bothers him how close he came to being the former World Champion. "My pride can't accept that," said Styles. "You want another rematch? We'll do it one more time." He said the rematch wouldn't be about egos, it would be about respect for the title and personal pride. They briefly hugged. Siaki then hit D-Lo from behind. Styles paused and watched for a second, then pulled Siaki away, but then stomped away on D-Lo. A suit-wearing Erik Watts ran out, the "new director of authority." He cleared the ring of Styles and Siaki. Watts lifted his sunglasses and told D-Lo he is the new Director of Authority. He announced that next week it will be Styles vs. D-Lo. He banned everyone else from ringside. Watts said he'd let Vince Russo sit at ringside. D-Lo looked upset. Then Watts announced Russo would be handcuffed to him. He added that there would be a 15 foot high cage surrounding the ring. Styles looked worried. I'm still waiting for some sort of explanation how a former mid-card washout was given the role as Director of Authority. I doubt it's coming.
-Tenay showed great enthusiasm about Watts being what TNA has needed for months.
-Hudson interviewed Raven and Julio Deniro about his Clockwork Orange House of Fun match. Hudson asked where C.M. Punk was. Deniro said Punk flaked out on them. Raven said that was okay, so even if it's three on two, he will have his revenge. Alexis then said she'd join them in the match.
2 -- SANDMAN vs. EDWARD CHARDAINE
Don Callis introduced Chardaine, and then joined Tenay and West at ringside. He told Don West that there is confusion in the marketplace because two non-in-ring performers have the same first name, so West would have to change his name. West said he has a few years on him so he'd keep his name. Callis continued to say that the viewers don't know what they want, but he knows they don't want women or hardcore wrestling. Sandman and Chardaine brawled at ringside briefly. Back in the ring Sandman gave Chardaine a Russian Leg Sweep with the kendo stick for the win.
WINNER: Sandman at 2:12.
STAR RATING: 1/4*
-Callis said Chardaine disappointed not just him, but the customers by getting beat by the degenerate drunk. "You leave me no choice, and believe me what I'm about to do is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you - Edward, I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, feel free to use me as a reference, but you are a victim of corporate downsizing." Tenay said that meant he just got fired.
-A skit aired backstage where Shark Boy was looking sad. Norman Smiley entered the picture and brought him some of his favorite games, including Chutes and Ladders. That didn't help Shark's spirits. Norman then taught Shark the Wiggle. Shark seemed to get pepped up by that. Norman offered to be his partner. Shark Boy agreed.
3 -- SIMON DIAMOND & JOHNNY SWINGER (w/Glenn Gilberti) vs. NORMAN SMILEY & SHARK BOY
Tenay announced that Callis suspended Jerry Lynn from appearing on last week's show and has suspended New Jack indefinitely for bad language and violence. I'm still waiting for some attempt at an explanation for who gave Callis any authority, also. And does Watts's authority overrule Callis's? This is getting as sloppy and flippant as the Kane storyline. The match was a bit more than a squash in that Shark Boy got some spots that played to the fans in the crowd with masks and Smiley got to do his "wiggle."
WINNERS: Diamond & Swinger at 5:03.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-A segment aired with clips Vince Russo talking about his power in TNA. He said he's managed to get rid of Goldy Locks and Tenay may be next. He confirmed he is obsessed with Jeff Jarrett. He said as much as he loved him once, he hates him now because he paraded his kids onto TV.
-Backstage Hudson interviewed "The Future" Chris Sabin about his X Title defense against Michael Shane. Watts interrupted and announced the special ref would be his rival Frankie Kazarian.
4 -- CHRIS SABIN vs. MICHAEL SHANE - X Division Title match.
Tenay pointed out that 23 year old Shane, the cousin of Shawn Michaels, patterns himself after his cousin Michaels in his in-ring mannerisms and style. Shane looks more like Shannon Moore and Matt Hardy's love child than a cousin of Michaels. Shane leaped over the top rope with a flip onto Sabin. Sabin fired back a minute later with a springboard clothesline off the top rope onto Shane on the ramp. They each exchanged variations of DDTs. Shane scored a very near fall at 6:45 after a superkick. Sabin came back and was going to use the belt as a weapon, but the ref grabbed it. Sabin then turned to argue with special ref Kazarian, giving Shane a chance to roll up Sabin for a near fall. Sabin then got in Kazarian's face again. Kazarian slammed Sabin to the mat. Shane made the cover, but before the third count, senior ref Rudy Charles stopped the pin count. He ordered Kazarian to the back due to interference in the match. Sabin then nailed Shane with the belt as the two refs argued. Charles then turned to make the pin.
WINNER: Sabin at 9:05 to retain the X Title.
STAR RATING: **3/4 -- Good X Division match.
-A vignette aired Charlie Chaplin style on Mad Mikey (a/k/a Crash Holly) showing him eating cereal with his roommates and getting mat, and then throwing a computer monitor off his deck. Then they showed him getting upset in traffic and while having to wait for fast food. He got upset when he got a cheeseburger instead of a hamburger and attacking the fast food worker as a result. The vignette ended: "Returning Next Week."
-Highlights aired of last week's clash between Kid Kash and Ricky Morton, setting up this week's match.
-Hudson interviewed Morton who said he taught Kash everything he (Kash) knows, but he didn't team Kash everything he (Morton) knows.
5 -- RICKY MORTON vs. KID KASH
West said he hoped Morton had some tricks up his sleeve to teach Kash. Morton dove through the ropes with a tackle onto Kash at ringside. Sara Lee stood at ringside to cheer on Morton. She started a "Rock & Roll" chant. Kash came back with a roundhouse kick to Morton's ribs at 4:15, but then Morton moved out of Kash's path on a flip off the ropes. Morton then hit a Northern Lights Suplex followed by his dropkick for a near fall. Morton went for a top rope huracanrana. He didn't pull it off smoothly, but managed to avoid killing himself and managed to slam Kash top the mat. However, Abyss ran into the ring and gave Morton a Stunner leading to the pin. West said the obvious: How did the ref not see or hear Abyss's interference? Sara Lee yelled at the ref afterward as Kash celebrated. Kash attacked Morton after the match, then tried to go after Sara Lee, but security blocked him.
WINNER: Kash at 9:08
STAR RATING: * -- Morton is starting to show his age visibly and in terms of his work in the ring.
-A Three Live Crew skit then aired. Konnan introduced B.G. James to Mexican food. Ron Killings ordered orange juice, but got tequila instead. They showed James's feet under a bathroom stall with farting noises. Konnan said it was foul smelling, so he left the bathroom. He went back to the bar to hold up Killings, who couldn't stand on his own. Next week the Three Live Crew visit James's trailer park. These skits are growing on me as they are reasonably funny and are doing a good job establishing their characters, so let's hope they can translate that within the next few weeks into a storyline that matters in the ring.
-The weekly segment took place with the four girls who always brawl with each other hitting each other with a whip. It lasted about 30 seconds with Lolly Pop and April getting the last word.
-A vignette aired on "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels again. He said he is going to bring his message to the TNA fans until they accept his message. I'm still in the dark what his message is, although the graphics make me think it must be scary and dark. The vignette ended: "Returning Next Week to Save Your Soul - Say Your Prayers."
-A recap aired of the Raven-Shane Douglas match.
6 -- BRIAN LEE & SLASH & SHANE DOUGLAS (w/James Mitchell) vs. RAVEN & JULIO DENIRO & ALEXIS
Brian Lee fell coming out onto the ramp and then rolled down it. Not a pretty sight. They brawled at ringside to start the match with the babyfaces scoring the early offense. The heels quickly took over by 1:00. Douglas crotched Raven on the ringside railing, then clotheslined him to the floor. Slash hit Deniro with a trash can and he came up bleeding. Slash then threw the trash can at Alexis. It seemed the camera was intentionally staying off of Lee as much as possible as he staggered around the ring hitting Deniro with a trash can lid. He literally looked like he needed the ropes to stand up at times. Douglas kept beating on Raven with a trash can lid, who was bleeding heavily by this point. Slash then gave Alexis the Whirly Bird. Lee lifted Deniro as Slash came off the top rope. Deniro then ducked the clothesline and rolled up Lee for a near fall. I'm shocked Deniro would trust Lee enough to hold him in the air like that considering his condition. Douglas held Alexis by her hair. Lee went to kick her, but she ducked and Douglas took the brunt of the blow. Alexis then huracanrana'd Douglas over the top rope. Lee then beat up Alexis. They showed the first close-up of Lee of the match and he looks like he's been dug out of the ground. Raven and Deniro returned to the ring and kicked Lee out of the ring, then bashed Slash with the garbage can lid. Alexis then came back to the ring with a kendo stick and hit the heels as Raven and Deniro held them prone. Deniro and Raven then nailed Douglas at the same time with trash can lids. Alexis then jumped onto Lee's back and punched away at him, but Lee shrugged her off. Deniro then clotheslined Lee over the top rope to the floor. Raven put Douglas on a table, then came off the second rope with an elbow drop. Meanwhile, Alexis came off the top rope with a DDT onto Slash. Raven was then yanked under the ring by a mystery man. In the ring, Lee chokeslammed Alexis. Raven was thrown back to the ringside knocked out cold. Douglas draped his arm over Raven and scored the win. Ninety-five percent of the crowd must have been dumbfounded at the finish.
WINNERS: Douglas & Lee & Slash at 9:26.
STAR RATING: ** -- An average garbage match.
-Hudson interviewed D-Lo about his World Title match next week. D-Lo did an old-style interview from behind the cage wall. All he had to do was crush an apple through the cage wall and I'd have Crusher or Baron Von Raschke flashbacks. Oh my, as soon as I typed that, guess what D-Lo pulled out?! An apple! He grated it against the cage and said that was Styles's head.
-Tenay and West then talked about next week's line-up, including Sabin vs. Kazarian in an X Title match, AMW vs. Diamond & Swinger in a rawhide strap match, and Styles vs. D-Lo for the NWA World Hvt. Title.
-Hudson interviewed Styles backstage about next week's NWA Title match. Styles asked Hudson to make it quick. Hudson then put the mic in his face and told him to talk. Styles said D-Lo may think it's a teacher-student match, but "I took D-Lo's class and it sucked." He told D-Lo to bring his best because next week he's going to teach him why they call him "the best in the business." Not a bad catch phrase to have.
-A vignette aired on the Jeff Jarrett-Legend feud. It was the first mention of the entire show of Jarrett (I think), which would be a record for TNA. Legend gave another one of his Tough Enough Demo Tape style promos.
7 -- JEFF JARRETT vs. LEGEND - Guitar and Bar on Poles match.
Jarrett began the match with a good dropkick followed by a series of punches in the corner. Tenay said when Jarrett walked to the ring, he was rubbing his hands together as if he was relishing the chance to fight Legend. Doesn't Jarrett always rubs his hands together? This just didn't feel like a main event at all, and it wasn't Jarrett's fault (well, unless you blame him for putting it in the final slot). Legend reached for the guitar on a pole in one corner, but Jarrett powerbombed him off the ropes to the floor. At 5:00 Jarrett grabbed the bat off the pole. Siaki then came out and yanked the belt away. Jarrett punched Siaki and threw him over the top rope. Legend then grabbed the bat and blindsided Jarrett with it. The ref turned and counted to two before Jarrett kicked out. There was no pop for the countout other than a few screams from girls. Jarrett then nailed Siaki with the bat, but security came out (led by Kevin Northcutt) and yanked the bat away. Jarrett shoved Northcutt and then kicked him. Legend then surprised Jarrett with his finisher and the ref counted to two. Again almost no pop, just some screams from a few girls. Legend then reached for the guitar. Jarrett caught up to him and superplexed him to the mat. In 1985 that would have been worth a pop. Not today. Jarrett then reached for guitar off the other pole. Legend stopped him. They both stood on the top rope and Jarrett sent Legend to the mat with a modified Stroke. Jarrett then grabbed the guitar off the pole and went to hit Legend, but missed in an awkward spot. Legend then superkicked Jarrett. He grabbed the bat and came off the top rope. Jarrett caught Legend in mid-air with the guitar. He followed up with a second guitar shot, one that actually broke the guitar, then scored the pin.
WINNER: Jarrett at 9:05.
STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Pretty rudimentary at best and awkward at worst.
A suit-wearing "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels then attacked Jarrett. West and Tenay screamed that he wasn't supposed to be back until next week. He flipped off the ropes onto Jarrett at ringside. Daniels threw Jarrett back into the ring. Legend gave Jarrett a neckbreaker. Then Daniels flew off the top rope with the baseball bat onto Jarrett's chest. The show ended with Daniels kneeling over Jarrett's chest. Daniels should give Jarrett a fair chance at showing whether he has a three star match left in him. He'll be a much better fit as an opponent than the generic Legend.
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