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UNDER THE MICROSCOPE - 6/15 WWE Raw: Feeling a Draft, The Miz or the Wiz, Signs of the Night, Punk honors Misawa
Jun 16, 2009 - 2:54:27 PM |
By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist
Thank you for joining me as we put Raw "Under The Microscope." This is not a complete recap of Monday's show, instead it's a closer look at random parts of the broadcast.
Do you feel a draft?
The special three hour Raw featured the most mixing of the shows since another three hour show, the 2009 draft on April 13. If you remember, the split didn't take effect until after Backlash and even then, MVP crossed the line to defend his U.S. Title against Dolph Ziggler at Madison Square Garden. The Colons have also been visiting several nights as the Unified Tag Titles allow them to defend on any of the three shows. Although very few people thought that WWE would honor the split, they kept most of the wrestlers "loyal to the brand" until Monday's show.
I saw the sign and it opened up my mind, I saw the sign.
Thank you to the Charlotte crowd for offering up several options for the "Sign of the Night."
"The Real Viper Is In My Pants" is one of the more uncomfortable references to "The Viper" Randy Orton that you will see in sign form. The word has been used for the animal, a car, and several sports teams as teams from Newcastle to Calgary to Tennessee Valley to Orton's hometown of St. Louis have used the "Viper" nickname.
By the way, reptile experts would advise that you not have a real viper in your pants as they do have a lethal bite. When they feel threatened, many vipers will actually vibrate their tail, so perhaps there are benefits to storing a viper in your trousers. Please, do not try this at home.
"Jean Shorts? Really? It's 2009" was obviously directed at John Cena's stylist as the former champ entered the ring wearing his usual cut-offs. Although Cena thankfully wears a longer version, a shorter style of jean shorts is often referred to as "Daisy Dukes" in honor of the character who wore them on the show "The Dukes of Hazzard." The show went off the air in 1985, but was made into a feature film in 2005, with Jessica Simpson in the Daisy role. The movie also starred Johnny Knoxville, who was seen on WWE TV this past year being slammed by The Great Khali. Neither Khali nor Knoxville was wearing Daisy Dukes, but I can't confirm anything about the location of vipers in relation to their pants.
In my opinion, the winner goes to the group of fans celebrating the appearance of Christian. Christian always looks for his Peeps and he found 4/5 of them on Monday night. In an apparent case of bad timing, poor spelling, or an awkward camera angle, the fans held up signs spelling "P" "E" "E" "S" to salute the former ECW Champion.
I'll let you make your own Viper joke, if you'd like.
Who was that masked man?
Jim Ross continued to do a solid build-up for why Rey Mysterio's mask is so important to him by referencing the history of two of Mysterio's role models. Rey Mysterio Sr. is the uncle who not only gave him the name, but also the mask. Ross also mentioned El Santo, a name recognized by long-time wrestling fans as one of the most famous masked wrestlers in Mexico, who was so dedicated to the mask, he asked to be buried while wearing it.
I am enjoying the historical positioning of Mysterio, but if I was that concerned about keeping my mask on, I think I would revert back to a traditional mask, rather than the flimsier, yet more stylish, version he is currently wearing.
Hello, Operator?
A fun moment in the Intercontinental Title match was when Chris Jericho appeared to contemplate a 619 on the fallen Mysterio. It never materialized, but if it would have occurred, it probably would have been called a "516" in honor of his birthplace of Manhasset, New York.
Ewww
The insult of the night goes to John Cena who declared Randy Orton the "Grand Wizard of the baby oil boy's club." There's already been one Grand Wizard in the WWF/WWE and he's already in their Hall of Fame. "The Grand Wizard" managed Superstar Billy Graham, The Shiek, Stan Stasiak, and others throughout the 1970s. He not only managed Don Muraco, but was also Godfather to Muraco's son. He died in 1983 and was inducted into the Hall in 1995.
As for the baby oil boy's club, I have no knowledge of such a club and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. LYING! It was just once. At camp. That shouldn't count.
Tick Tock
WWE tried to give Monday night a "special event" feel, including having a "Breaking News" scroll at the bottom of the screen and showing a clock in the corner in anticipation of the WWE Championship match. While I liked the additional effort to make the evening seem important, I'm not entirely sure how they knew exactly when the match would take place, considering other matches were going on at the time.
Matt Striker prefaced the ECW title match with "One fall to a finish." I guess it was one fall to a finish as long as they finish when the clock tells them to finish. Yes, it's a small detail and no, it didn't ruin my enjoyment of the night, but if you're going to take the time to add a new graphic (one step forward), pay attention to a smaller detail so you don't have to take the traditional two step back.
Other changes to the night were the in-ring introductions for the title matches. That small switch gave all of the matches a "big-time" feel, which is what they should have.
Good Charlotte
Striker also mentioned that "no world title has changed hands in this city in a decade." Obviously I don't know exactly which title switch he was thinking about, but I can guess that he was looking at Stone Cold Steve Austin beating The Undertaker in June of 1999 as Raw also visited Charlotte.
The city hasn't had much title success in other venues either as the Charlotte Hornets never won a championship before moving to New Orleans and the replacement Bobcats haven't raised a banner either. The Carolina Hurricanes won the Stanley Cup in 2005-2006, but they call Raleigh their home. The Carolina Panthers are based out of Charlotte and they won the NFC title in 2003, but fell short against New England in the Super Bowl.
Can I borrow a dime? Can I borrow 5 billion of them?
Donald Trump was introduced with the title of "One of the wealthiest men in the entire world." According to the most recent list released by Forbes magazine, Trump doesn't even make the top 100. Microsoft's Bill Gates is first on the list with 40 billion, Warren Buffet is second, and third is Carlos Slim Helu at 35 billion.
Trump has suffered the same financial crisis affecting many of us this year as his Trump Entertainment Resorts filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in February. Trump's actual worth is subject to debate as he has been accused of inflating his own numbers, but according to Forbes, his worth is measured at three billion dollars. For what it's worth.
Bang
Hornswoggle saw the good side and bad side of playing with a t-shirt gun on Monday as Goldust fired the first shot and Miz took the last shot with the weapon. The firearm reminded me of another man with a tendency to wear makeup as Johnny B. Badd used to come to the ring with a similar weapon, only this one fired confetti. He would leave his Badd Blaster in WCW as he moved to WWF and used his real name of Marc Mero.
Mero and Goldust share the distinction of marrying and divorcing a woman close to them on TV. Mero was with Sable on and off TV and Dustin Rhodes spent his time with Marlena.
Artful Dodger
Miz interrupted the t-shirt party and insisted that he needs to be Donald Trump's first priority as the future of Raw. Not only will he be the best of the present, but apparently we will be saying "Please, Miz, can I have some more?" His words and the way he said them were delicately lifted from Oliver!, the musical based on Oliver Twist. The orphan Oliver finishes his tasty gruel, only to make the long walk up to his keepers and he asks the surprising question "Please Sir, can I have some more?"
They are not only shocked at the request, but, as often happens in real life tense situations, they burst out into song to work through their surprise.
This wasn't the only surprising reference to musical theatre as Goldust suggested that The Miz change his name to The Wiz, since that's what fans go to do instead of watching him. The Wiz was a musical based on The Wizard of Oz. The Wiz is also an electronics store centered in the New York area which features a rather popular slogan "nobody beats the Wiz."
Welcome back and goodbye
The Miz Wiz responded to Goldust by arguing that he was entertaining years ago, but now has become a joke. He also asked, "What is this, the fourth or fifth time in the WWE?" If you count his first appearance as Dustin Rhodes when he was attacked during one of his father's matches, I count five times.
Whoo hoo! D'oh!
Hey, Ahmed Johnson, you are going to be mentioned on Raw after several years of being out of the limelight!
However, you are going to be mentioned by Goldust who will remind us that he "gave Ahmed Johnson mouth-to-mouth to get in his head."
Johnson actually won the Intercontinental Title from Goldust in 1996, the first time an African-American wrestler had held the belt. He was last seen on a national level in 2000 as he worked with WCW under the name Big T. He teamed with Stevie Ray to form Harlem Heat 2000. The "T" in Big T likely stood for Tony as his real name is Anthony Norris. It obviously didn't stand for training has his excess weight helped quicken his release later that year.
You mean it doesn't stand for "Aren't I Great?"
It's not uncommon for wrestlers to wear jerseys from other sports and MVP is an obvious case where it fits the character, but I'm sure many people were a bit surprised to see him walk to the ring wearing the letters "AIG" on his chest. If you look closer, you'll see that it's actually a jersey for Manchester United and not just an advertisement for the financially troubled insurance firm. In March, AIG reported a fourth quarter loss of more than 61 billion dollars, the largest such loss in corporate history at the time. They went on to receive one of the largest chunks of bailout money from the U.S. Government.
I'm sure I'm not the first to notice that it must mean that MVP is "straight up bailing.'"
I apologize for that, but veteran readers of The Microscope know that I've had him "straight up baling (haymaker)," "straight up bowling," and now straight up bailing." Everyone needs goals.
John Houseman is Raw
C.M. Punk continued to defend his title and defend how he won the title, by insisting that his Money in the Bank cash-in wasn't a short cut. "Everything I've accomplished, I've done the old fashioned way, I earned it," an obvious homage to a classic/vintage commercial from Smith Barney featuring a stoic John Houseman. The very serious Academy Award winning actor was never flamboyant or wild. In fact, you could say they he led a "straight edge" lifestyle.
Seriously
The Microscope rarely misses a chance to have fun with the week-to-week happenings on Raw, but if you'll permit me to end on a serious note this week, I appreciated Punk taking a second for a subtle salute Mitsuharu Misawa, by writing his name on his wrist tape. Since Misawa never entered a WWE ring, I truly didn't expect much of a tribute to the Japanese wrestler, but I genuinely appreciate Punk respecting someone across company lines and I hope he didn't receive any heat backstage for it.
There are many others who have more experience with Japanese wrestling and specifically Misawa, so I'll step aside and allow them to pay tribute to the man. What I have seen of his work, including his time as Tiger Mask, is remarkable and worth the time of finding video and watching it. As we watch a show and complain about someone getting too much or not enough of a push or a new storyline that's not working or an old storyline that's been beaten into the ground, let's try to remember the physical sacrifice that each of these performers are taking. Yes, they take it willingly and yes, we sometimes take it for granted.
Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." You are welcome to e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com or leave your comments below.
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