By Shane McKinley, Torch specialist

" It's easy to get high when you're standing on our backs, man.
Will anything ever be good enough for you?
Stand on your own, hold your water if you can.
The ride's over. Did you enjoy yourself?"
-"Leech" by Incubus

In the McKinley household, we're going old-school drying (our dryer broke), "Kinetic energy" is our new catchphrase, and my 6-year old nephew continues his tradition of infecting me with another deadly third-world disease every time he visits.

In the TNA household, we have a PPV that actually passes mustard. I dare say that Sacrifice was much more digestible than Judgment Day.

I watched a bit of the free PPV pre-show. They showcased "Cactus Jack Smack Attack" with Foley announcing. Which I think did a good job of encouraging people not to buy the PPV.

They have gotten a few chuckles out of Mick Foley's taste in his transportation. To note, this is what Mr. Absurd drives.




Votes are in: big ups to Jay Lethal's throwback Savage outfit.

The whole "Guns & Bashir vs. Lethal Consequences & Eric Young" was weird. You saw that later TNA interjected the Guns in the Suicide vs. Daniels match. Spotty PPV build-up.

Reason for this match was the push of the heel Eric Young. They are some on the Internet who say "Don't fire Eric." There are also some who say "F Eric Young." What do I believe? I believe Young is more charismatic and exciting than say, a Charlie Haas. But 2008 was not a good year for Eric. A lot of times it felt like he was just going through the motions while wrestling…fine, performing. Let's see if this year his character will be better.

I'm not much of a "spots" guy. It's the same reason why I wasn't really impressed with the John Morrison vs. Shelton Benjamin match at J-Day. You don't want to be classified as a "spot monkey." Anybody can do twisty flips and whatnot, but sadly not a lot of them can make me care about it. "Cool spots" often lack context and take away from the story of the match.

But then again, I'm of the new breed of fans. So I have to say that I'm conditioned and trained to expect a certain style in wrestling matches. The throwback Finlay vs. D.H. Smith match on ECW proved that.

Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney. What people liked about WWE's J-Day was that there was not a single women's match. And much like in WWE, TNA has the "comic women's division" and the "real women's division." I'm wondering if there is an actual point to this Dr. Stevie angle. Perhaps just to give Stevie airtime. Not really the reaction TNA is looking for. Typically fans shouldn't have to make up their own reasons why somebody is on their television screens time after time again.

Abyss was probably sad that he wasn't the one who took the hardcore bump. He probably juices himself when opening his mail. Or smashing his Blackberry on his noggin whenever he feels bored.

Who knows what they are doing with Mr. Oily Matt Morgan. Quoting Booker: "Let me tell you about Matt Morgan. He's big. Big. Real big. I got to tell you, he's big." Matt Morgan was over-hyped like how people are currently over-hyping the music band "Kings of Leon."

The TNA character revival of 2009 so far has not been Joe (although there was improvement with him choking out Nash). No, it's Don West. Raise your hands - yes, I can see you through a hidden camera on your monitor screen; put on some pants - if you pay attention to the TNA announcers nowadays.

Before you had to train yourself to block out the TNA propaganda drones (or watch Impact on mute, as I was very prone to do, especially during X Division matches). He's not always believable as a heel (at times you get the feeling that TNA has West pump up his heel character because the actual wrestling match/plot is weak), but it's fun to listen to him. And it also gives the impression TNA is listening to the grumpy fans.

Sometimes TNA pumps up mysteries without realizing that a good majority of fans don't care at all about finding out the answer. The recent "Daniels/Fake Suicide" deal is proof. Although it would be a hoot if on Impact they try to convince fans that it was Vince Russo under that mask. Vince Russo vs. Jeff Jarrett. Oooh yeah.

Plus they kinda do a bad job of creating good mysteries. Hey, what am I holding in my hand? Don't you want to know? Huh? Don't cha? Turn into Impact next week to find out.

Better Kong PPV match this time around. At least now the opposite party is more intriguing to watch. I'm waiting till TNA rips off WWE's "Samoan Strap match." Because that's what they do.

Perhaps next PPV we will get Joe vs. A.J. Styles. Nice to see Nash eat a loss against Joe, but the lame cop-out of the Styles-Booker match hurt it.

It seems that with the character of A.J. Styles, it's usually, "yeah, he's great, but..."

Why the hell would Beer Money want some gaudy trophy on Impact...oh, wait. This is wrestling. Trophy + someone's skull. Can they put in a birthday cake in the ring during the segment? Wrestling needs more cake fights nowadays.

Dr. Stevie vs. Abyss at least has some appeal, however minuscule it is. Jenna vs. Sharmell feels much more like TNA owns Jenna money and they have to fulfill her wish to be in a pointless three-month feud. I don't recall that chick from The View storming in and ruining C.M. Punk's matches. They got her in and they got her out.

The wild ride of Mick Foley as World Champion continues. And I'm a Mick Foley fan. But even I have my limits into how much wackiness I can believe.

"The Godfather" title of MEM sounded to me like a Pimp. So Sting is now a mack daddy with face paint. Better pay up.

Even with the outcome, I'm still going to hold myself to the punishment set forth to the "Absurd Sting Retirement Bet." Maybe an article praising TNA unabashedly or something else that requires visual proof. Maybe walking in public wearing only my underwear, knee-high boots, and an Orton t-shirt. Slathered up in baby oil. And acting all moody. Actually, that's what I always wear in public. Damn.

SACRIFICE VERDICT: A Little Absurd

(credit to digitalheadbutt.files.wordpress.com and makebelieve.to for pics)

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com

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