THE SPECIALISTS UNDER THE MICROSCOPE - 5/18 WWE Raw: John Cena quotes Ghostbusters, Randy Orton hasn't punted Darwin, Lots of Halls, Nuggets of information
May 19, 2009 - 11:42:47 AM
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By Lee Stevens, Torch specialist
Thank you for joining me as we put Raw "Under The Microscope." This is not a complete recap of the show. Instead, this is a closer look at Monday night's broadcast.
Ain't that a kick in the head?
Monday's show started with a 4th down and long yardage to go, so everyone was talking about punting. While Randy Orton was talking about the power of the punt, Ric Flair interrupted to dismiss the champ's worthiness. During part of his trip down memory lane with Evolution, Flair nearly started talking about someone else as he reminded everyone that Orton was "The next big...deal," which shouldn't be confused with "The next big thing" - the nickname given to Brock Lesnar. It's not the first time Orton and Lesnar have been linked as they both held the title of "Youngest World Champion" at one time. Technically, both could still claim the honor as Lesnar won the WWE Championship at 25, while Orton won the World Heavyweight Title at 24.
Orton proudly proclaimed his punting proficiency by boasting that "I have kicked every other member of Evolution in the skull." Strictly in WWE terms, he is correct. However if you take a closer look at evolution, he would also have to nail Charles Darwin, whose book "On The Origin of Species" outlined his views on evolution and he would probably want to at least graze the noggin of Kate Beckinsale who starred in the movie Underworld: Evolution. The list of musical artists who have used the name as a title would provide a Rockette's-like kick line for Orton as musicians as varied as Martina McBride, Boyz II Men, and Journey have had albums entitled "Evolution."
If you really wanted to keep him busy, just add an "R" and bring in the New England Revolution, Prince's former backup band during his Purple Rain days or the WCW stable led by Shane Douglas. WCW's Revolution included Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn, and Dean Malenko. Malenko, Saturn, and Benoit would also join the WWF as a group as they jumped, along with Eddie Guerrero, as The Radicalz.
Disaster of Biblical proportions
As John Cena reacted to Vickie Guerrero's announcement about his upcoming fight schedule, you may have recognized certain parts of his speech. "It's chaos, the sky will fall. Cats and dogs living together." The last part is from the 1984 movie "Ghostbusters" as Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Dan Ackroyd, and Ernie Hudson are trying to convince the Mayor that their crew are the only ones who can save the city.
"This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions"
"What do you mean, 'biblical'"?
"What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff."
"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!"
"Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes..."
"The dead rising from the grave!"
"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!"
I think Cena's day had less stress, although the similarities between The Big Show and The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man are striking.
Arsenio, wait here please
When Jillian Hall walked down the aisle at Freedom Hall, it provided an obvious chance for comparison. Freedom Hall was born in 1956, while Jillian Hall was born in 1980. Both make their homes in Louisville, Kentucky, however Jillian has traveled a bit more. Although Freedom Hall is now mostly known for spending time with the Louisville Cardinals, it also helped the Kentucky Colonels, before the ABA split up in 1976. Jillian Hall is mostly known for spending time with her microphone, although she also helped Joey Mercury, Johnny Nitro, and Melina briefly, before leaving the group and MNM split up in 2006.
Historically speaking, Freedom Hall is the site of the first female basketball player to play in a men's game as Penny Ann Early took the court during a game on November 28, 1968 between the Colonels and the Los Angeles Stars of the ABA.
Nugget of information
The Denver Nuggets were one of the teams who merged from the ABA into the NBA and if you wonder why their team was mentioned so many times during the telecast, Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups could be a reluctant tag team next week. The Nuggets are scheduled to host the Los Angeles Lakers in the Western Conference Finals next Monday night. The WWE is scheduled to have Raw in Denver next Monday night.
Vince McMahon has been typically vocal since recognizing the scheduling conflict, going as far as insisting that team owner Stan Kroenke's lack of belief in his team caused the problem. "The fans in Denver had a lot more faith in the team making the playoffs than the owner." He told the Associated Press he doesn't believe there was "any malice, just ineptness," on the part of Kroenke Sports, which owns both the team and the building.
Pepsi Center officials responded that the Nuggets game will be played as scheduled. Paul Andrews, executive vice president of Kroenke Sports Enterprises optimistically reported that "we are working with the WWE to resolve the situation amicably."
Amicably. Mr. Andrews clearly doesn't watch Raw. On the first night since the scheduling snafu, Goldust was compared to Groenke and Jim Ross insinuated that Vicki Guerrero "conducts her business like the owner of the Denver Nuggets. Somewhat dubious." I don't doubt that it will be resolved somehow, but I'm not sure if the word amicably will be used after the resolution.
Make sure you continue to visit the main page for updates as the week progresses. Until then, please be on the lookout for an older, well-built gentleman, wearing a suit, strutting confidently across the court during the NBA introductions trying to fire Kenyon Martin.
The sign of the night belongs to the melancholy person holding the words "We miss you HBK." If you watch the show opening montage carefully, there are three people included whom we haven't recently seen live. Shawn Michaels has been gone since his WrestleMania 25 loss to The Undertaker. Triple H hasn't returned since his recent defeat to Randy Orton and Mr. Kennedy has only been seen in promotional "Coming Soon" packages.
Anatomy for $400, please
Partial credit to Jim Ross as he corrected himself on Matt Hardy's recent injury. As Hardy has frequently reminded us, he's working with a broken second metacarpal. Ross accidentally called it a metatarsal, which is just as painful, just not as visible for most wrestlers. The metacarpal is in the hand and the metatarsal is in the foot.
Also, the Meta River is in Colombia, metaphase is in mitosis and Meta is in Red vs. Blue: The Reconstruction
If you thought The Nature Boy was particularly fired up tonight, please take a closer look at what he was drinking in the locker room. Each can of Mountain Dew has 54 mg of caffeine, one of the highest levels for the more popular sodas. In comparison, most energy drinks start at 80 mg per serving. Jolt Cola could be the highest scorer for sodas, checking in at 280 mg.
Lee Stevens examines Raw and Smackdown with "Under The Microscope." You can leave comments below or e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com
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